Reflections - By Eileen Umbehr

Famous Last Words

2009-01-26T21:09:00.000-08:00

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1 (KJV)

It’s with some trepidation that I write this week’s column. There’s just no easy way to say this: After five and a half years, I’ve decided to discontinue my Reflections column. I may still submit a poem now and then or a periodic story about someone else’s interesting life, but in my heart I feel it’s time for a change.

I have thoroughly enjoyed sharing my thoughts, poems, and faith, along with the lessons learned from all the ups and downs of our lives, with all of you. As you know, I love to write, so writing will always be a big part of my life. I simply desire to free up some time and space in my brain to branch out into new and different areas of self expression.

My friend Kat includes the following inspirational quote with every email she sends:

"If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes." ~ Andrew Carnegie

I have many more thoughts, ideas, and stories to share – more dreams and goals to achieve – and with God’s help, I will have the opportunity to do just that.

I will always be grateful to Joann Kahnt for taking a chance on this housewife and mom. I know she probably lost a few subscriptions as a result of giving me space in The Prairie Post, but hopefully she picked up a few, too. Thank you, Joann, for allowing me to share my fears, dreams and memories from days long past and recent. Thank you for helping me work through unexpected setbacks, illnesses and deaths of loved ones. Thank you for allowing me to share the joys of new daughters-in-law and grandbabies. You have helped me process the journey of life. Through this column, I have found the courage to take chances and risk public ridicule. I have learned that I have a right to my own thoughts and opinions – regardless of whether anyone else agrees with me. In the process, I have found my way to the real me – not the person I wanted everyone to think I was, but my true self, with all my faults and imperfections. I have become comfortable in my own skin. I’ve been vulnerable and real in hopes that others would know that they are not alone. If there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that none of us has arrived; we are all a work in progress.

Thank you also to everyone who has read my column over the years, and especially to those who have offered positive feedback and encouragement. I will miss you. And please remember that God loves you and Jesus died for you. He will forgive anything you have ever done if you will only ask. Then you can look forward to an eternity in Heaven where there will be no more sorrow or pain or tears.

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.” ~ John 14:1-3 (NKJV)

He Who Believes
By Eileen Umbehr

I have a friend
Who lost her son
In a tragic way
At age twenty-one
"Do you believe in Heaven?"
I asked her one day
She shook her head no
Then turned away.
"What do you believe happens
When we die?”
"I think that's the end,"
Was her reply.
I said, "When I lost my mother
Seven years ago this May
It brought me great comfort
To know I'd see her one day."
"If you believe that is true
You surprise me," she said.
"It just makes people feel better
To think that in their head."
“Well, I know the Bible says
That he who believes
Jesus is the Son of God
Will live eternally.”
So my friend and I
Will agree to disagree
But I'll keep on praying,
That one day, she'll believe.
Then maybe someday,
We’ll meet again in the sky
Where we'll continue our visits
In the sweet by and by.

“Jesus said to her, I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” ~ John 11:25,26

In closing, I’d like to share a poem I wrote in 2004, shortly after I began writing my Reflections:

Unknown Reader
By Eileen Umbehr

Unknown reader

Who are you?

You who read my deepest contemplations

All my joys and sorrows

You know me, but I don’t know you.

No matter.

I don’t have to meet you to know

You laugh.

You cry.

You bleed.

Just like me.

Unknown reader.

You are my friend.

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.” ~ Numbers 6:24-26

Good News, Bad News

2009-01-19T20:51:00.000-08:00

“There is none who does good. . .” ~Psalm 53:1b (AMP)

Over and over we read how not a man or woman amongst us is good – no not one. In the book of Isaiah it says that, like sheep, we have all gone astray, and even our righteousness – the best part of ourselves – is as filthy rags.

That’s the bad news. But here’s the Good News:

“He saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit.” ~ Titus 3:5 (NLT)

Yes, Jesus took our sins upon Himself when He died on the cross, so that we would be made the righteousness of God in Christ. This truly IS Good News!

“Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.”

~Romans 5:1,2 (NLT)

When I was a little girl, I used to lie awake in bed and fret about the concept of eternity and how it went on and on and on, and never ended. (How does that saying go? Life is short, but eternity is forever.) Then I worried about whether I was good enough to get into Heaven because I definitely knew I didn’t want to spend all eternity in hell. I was so relieved to learn that not only did I not have to be “good enough” to get into Heaven, but that I could never be good enough to get into Heaven – no matter how hard I tried to do everything right.

In Galatians chapter 2 we read:

“Know that a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. For if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”

So that was one gift I was happy to receive. And receive it we must. In Revelations it says, “Behold I stand at the door and knock, whoever hears my voice I will come in and eat with him and he with me.” But we do have to answer the door – and we do that with two simple words: I believe.

“If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

~ Romans 10:9 (NIV)

It’s like this quote I read from a man named Paul C. Brownlow

“In the most lopsided deal of all time, Jesus took our filthy rags of sin and gave us His robe of righteousness. Our righteousness is not our own, it is from Him. Dare we brag of our goodness now?”

No, we shouldn’t boast of anything in our lives, unless we’re boasting in the Lord and in His goodness. For “every good and perfect gift is from above.” (James 1:17a)

“And beware lest you say in your [mind and] heart, My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth. But you shall [earnestly] remember the Lord your God, for it is He Who gives you power to get wealth. . . “ ~ Deuteronomy 8:17,18A

Recently Charlie McClelland, the pastor of Mill Creek Baptist Church in McFarland, had an interesting article about this subject. He titled it, “No Good People.” With his permission, I would like to share his thoughts:

“We tend to divide the world into good guys and bad guys. The good guys are members of our group – our friends, our school, our church, our family, our nation – and everyone else are the bad guys. Unfortunately the Bible clearly states there are no good guys, there are only bad guys. While Jesus admitted we would have enemies, when He told us to love our enemies, He did not imply that we were the good guys. When we accept the fact that we are saved not because we are now, nor ever will be good, our attitude becomes one of gratitude toward God and humility toward other people. Instead of dividing the world into good guys and bad guys, we divide the world into those who have experienced God's grace and those who have yet to experience it. Realizing that our enemy today may in fact be our Christian brother tomorrow, fundamentally shifts our behavior. It is difficult to look down our nose at someone who is on the same level as we are. My mom always told me that there was so much bad in the best of us, and so much good in the worst of us, it behooves none of us, to talk about the rest of us. We need to keep reminding ourselves that we are simply sinners saved by grace. Because God has extended grace to us, we need to extend grace to those around us.”

Well said.

In closing, I'd like to share a poem I recently wrote:

Who Am I?
By Eileen Umbehr

You have forgiven
Me so much
Who am I
To hold a grudge?

I should not look
At others’ sin,
Before looking first
At what lies within

As Jesus said
Don’t cast a stone
Lest the spotlight on
Your life be shone

For picking the speck
Is hard to do
When there’s a plank
Obstructing your view

We’d all do well
To walk in love
Following the example
Of our Father above

For He has forgiven
Us so much
Who are we
To hold a grudge?

“For if you forgive people their trespasses – that is, their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go and giving up resentment – your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses – their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go and giving up resentment – neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.”

~ Matthew 6: 14,15 (Amplified)

FOUR THINGS WE CAN'T RECOVER

On Attitude and Optimism

2009-01-13T14:43:00.000-08:00

"All the days of the desponding afflicted are made evil [by anxious thoughts and foreboding], but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast [regardless of circumstances]." ~ Proverbs 15:15 (Amplified)

My friend Larry Welch is one of the most positive people I know. Larry writes an electronic newsletter, On the Run, and authored a book titled, Mary Virginia, A Father’s Story. Larry’s most recent published work is a book titled, “Quotations for Positive People” (And Those Who Would Like to Be). One hundred per cent of the profits from the book, which is available on Amazon.com, will be donated to the Blue Dragon Children’s Foundation. (www.bdcf.org) Their worthwhile mission is to provide for the needs of the homeless and impoverished children of Hanoi.

Larry’s recent book is a great source for quotations that uplift and encourage. As I was putting together this week’s column on positive attitudes, I found the following quote from motivational speaker Jim Rohn:

“Attitude determines how much of the future we are allowed to see. It decides the size of our dreams and influences our determination when we are faced with new challenges. No other person on earth has dominion over our attitude. People can affect our attitude by teaching us poor thinking habits or unintentionally misinforming us or providing us with negative sources of influence, but no one can control our attitude unless we voluntarily surrender that control.”

Larry also shared the following poem which was written by Peter Colwell, the author of Spell SUCCESS in Your Life, and an upcoming book: Invest in Your Attitude: CHANGE Your View and Your View Will Change You www.petercolwell.com

An Attitude of Abundance
by Peter Colwell

Cultivate peace in your heart and your mind
And sooner or later you’re likely to find
That all of your trouble and worry and care
Can be kept in perspective if only you’ll dare
To dream of a life overflowing with laughter
With hope for the future and the joy that you’re after

Choose your response to any circumstance.
Don’t leave a positive outcome to chance.
Hold yourself accountable for your life’s direction.
Choose words of kindness, of love and affection.
Adjust your attitude as often as required.
Don’t let your optimism get worn out or tired.
Navigate through negative emotions with care.
Of people who drain you and strain you beware.
Grow from your experiences each day of your life.
Learn from each setback, each heartache, and strife.
Expect more out of life; you often get what you give.
Now is the time to WAKE UP AND LIVE!

Finally, here are some more inspiring quotes I’d like to share:

“It's not your outlook but your uplook that counts.”

~ John Mason

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

~ Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"A happy life consists not in the absence, but in the mastery of hardships." ~ Helen Keller

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens."

~ John Homer Miller

"The attitude of unhappiness is not only painful, it is mean and ugly. What can be more base and unworthy than the pining, pulling, mumping mood, no matter by what outward ills it may have been engendered? What is more injurious to others? What less helpful as a way out of difficulty? It but fastens and perpetuates the trouble which occasioned it, and increases the total evil of the situation. At all costs, then, we ought to reduce the sway of that mood, we ought to scout it in ourselves and others, and never show it tolerance."

~ William James, 19th century American psychiatrist and philosopher

"I have learned, as a rule of thumb, never to ask whether you can do something. Say, instead, that you are doing it. Then fasten your seat belt. The most remarkable things follow."

~ Julia Cameron, author, "The Artist's Way"

“Life at any time can become difficult; life at any time can become easy. It all depends upon how one adjusts oneself to life.”

~ Morarji Desai

“If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.”

~ Mary Engelbreit, artist, humanitarian, and entrepreneur

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” ~ Proverbs 23:7

"A strong, positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.”

~ Patricia Neal, Academy Award winning actress

“No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.”

~ Helen Keller

"An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered."

~ Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936)

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” ~ Helen Keller

“A merry heart does good like a medicine: but a broken spirit dries the bones.”

~ Proverbs 17:22

Do You Hear What I Hear?

2008-12-17T05:28:00.001-08:00

The following video was sent to me by a friend. It is from a web site called thephilfiles.com.

Season of Wonder

2008-12-04T19:46:00.000-08:00

"Snow Swing" Photo by Pat Barrett

“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.” ~ Isaiah 9:6 (KJV)

The following poem was written by my friend, Patricia Barrett. What I like about Pat’s poem is that it addresses the reality of the stress that goes along with the hustle and bustle of the holidays, but then it gently reminds us how we can combat that stress – by focusing on Jesus, the true “reason for the season” of wonder.

Season of Wonder
By Patricia Kohls Barret

The season of wonder is upon us
As stores start displays earlier each year
How do we value Advent moments,
As observance of His birth draws near?

Are we in awe of that strange phenomenon,
When God confined Himself to a womb?
Because of love for His rebellious creation
He came to save them from eternal doom

Do we listen to the words of the carols?
Do we think of the meaning of each verse,
As we rush to shop and buy presents,
And dig down for money in our purse?

Is there joy in our hearts as we sing,
Familiar words, “The Lord is come”?
Does “Loves Pure Light” glow in our spirits?
Or do “worldly cares” make them numb?

To celebrate “the reason for the season”
Each person must prioritize his mind
Keep God’s Word and message in the forefront
Looking for ways to be loving and kind

The Spirit uses The Word to stir within
He creates peace and love that pours out
To spread and multiply blessings to folks
Creating harmony and joy worth a shout

*************

"Maybe Christmas", he thought, "doesn't come from a store."
"Maybe Christmas ... perhaps ... means a little bit more!"

In Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!

~ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1957)

*************

The Greatest Gift
By Eileen Umbehr

The greatest gift of all
Isn’t diamonds or gold
The greatest gift of all
Never rusts or gets old

The greatest gift of all
Isn’t being wined or dined
The greatest gift of all
Is the easiest to find

The greatest gift of all
Isn’t the latest craze
The greatest gift of all
Lasts more than three days

The greatest gift of all
Can’t be purchased in a store
It comes straight from the heart
And lasts forevermore

Yes, the greatest gift of all
Doesn’t cost a dime
For the greatest gift of all
Is the gift of time.

“She will give birth to a son, and you are to give Him the name Jesus, because He will save His people from their sins."

~ Matthew 1:21

"Icy Limb" Photo by Pat Barrett

Perfect Peace (of Mind) Part II

2008-12-04T19:41:00.000-08:00

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that . . . But love your enemies, do good to them . . . Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

~ Luke 6:36,37

Last week I wrote about two of the three areas of life that we have no control over: the past and the present. This week I’d like to continue with #3 on the list.

OTHER PEOPLE

I’ve actually covered this subject in some recent columns. In my column titled What’s Wrong With Being Right, I included the following excerpts from Dr. John Townsend’s book, Who’s Pushing Your Buttons:

“It makes sense [that] you care about the button-pusher and want things to go well between the two of you. Yet that person is free to choose his behavior toward you, his attitudes, and whether he even wants to be in a relationship with you. . . .

God understands this dilemma. He knows it conceptually, and He knows it in experience. God lives in it every day, caring about us and just wanting a relationship with us that is for our best; yet He gives us the freedom to say no to Him, which we often do. . . .

God desires the connection profoundly, yet He does not violate the free will that He also created within us. He allows Himself to experience that sort of tension, not because it is good or pleasant for Him, but because freedom is the only way that we will ever have a relationship that comes from within – from the heart – and is not forced or controlled. That is the only sort of relationship He is interested in.”

When a friend of mine was going through a divorce, she wondered why God didn’t fix her situation and save her marriage. But when the answer to your prayer involves another person and their choices, God is limited in what He can do. He can’t interfere with or violate that person’s free will. It’s just like salvation – God offers it freely to everyone, but He won’t force anyone to love Him, serve Him, or believe in Him. And even though God doesn’t want anyone to go to hell, the choice is up to each individual based on whether they choose to accept – by believing – or reject God’s gift of forgiveness.

“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” ~ Romans 5:6-8

In the November 2008 edition of “Our Daily Bread,” published by RBC Ministries, they explain it this way: “Not even God, with all His power, will force a human being to love Him.”

As for dealing with other people, the only person you actually have any control over is yourself. (And for me, that’s a full time job!) Oh, but how often do we try to control those around us: our co-workers, friends, parents, siblings, children, spouses and partners? But instead of trying to change people or control them, we should just focus on loving them and praying for them.

“You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven . . . If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others?”

~ Matthew 5:43-47

I’d like to close with this poem I wrote recently:

Live and Let Live
By Eileen Umbehr

The world is your oyster,
And my world is mine.
If we’ll just respect each other,
We should get along fine.

Although you don’t like how I sing
Or enjoy my song
If that’s how you feel,
Then just don’t sing along

But please don’t tell me that my pitch
Is too high or too low
For it’s my song to sing
And it’s all that I know

Just because we are different
Doesn’t mean that we’re wrong
Like the colors of the rainbow
We all still belong

You see life is like a game
Of tic, tac, toe
Some of us are x’s
And others are o’s

So don’t compare me to others
Nor them to me
Because we’re all different fish
In the same great big sea

And rather than get angry
At the things that I do
Why don’t I focus on me
And you focus on you?

Because no one likes to feel
Like they’re under attack
And if you growl at me
I might have to growl back!

So let’s live and let live
As the saying goes
Then maybe we’ll avoid stepping
On each other’s toes

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

~ Philippians 4:6,7 (NIV)

Perfect Peace (of Mind) - Part I

2008-12-01T08:19:00.000-08:00

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” ~ Isaiah 26:3 (ESV)

The message of this week’s column is simple:

Don’t camp on what you can’t control!

There are three major areas of life that you can’t control: the past, the future, and other people. Let’s examine each of these a little further:

THE PAST

The past, represented by hurts inflicted by others and regrets over our own mistakes and misdeeds, has already passed! There’s nothing we can do about events that have already happened, so there’s no sense wasting our time and energy dwelling on them. Rehashing the past is like driving down a road and stopping every five miles to turn back around and revisit places you’ve already been. It’s hard to make any real progress that way. The same is true in life. Since we can’t change the past, the next best thing to do is to utilize the lessons learned to avoid the same situation and make better decisions in the future.

“Not that I have now attained [this ideal] or am already made perfect….but one thing I do – it is my one aspiration; forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.”

~ Philippians 3:12-14

THE FUTURE

The future is represented by events that may or may not occur at some point in the future. Obviously we have no control over something that hasn’t even happened yet. Since many of the things we worry about never happen anyway, it behooves us to focus on living one day at a time.

“Worrying happens today but it’s always about yesterday or tomorrow.”

~ Joyce Meyer

In his book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Dale Carnegie encourages his readers to live in “Day-tight Compartments.” That advice originated in the Bible, as found in Matthew chapter 6, verses 25, 26 and 33, 34:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Dale Carnegie further suggests that we focus on the 90 per cent of our life that is good instead of the 10 per cent that is bad. Another tip Carnegie shares for reducing worry is to busy yourself with making other people happy.

“. . .[T]hose who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.”

~ Proverbs 11:25b (NLT)

Not too long ago I came across a box of old books in our barn. One of the titles caught my eye, so I decided to dust it off and read it. The book is titled: "Be the Person You Were Meant to Be” by Dr. Jerry Greenwald. At the beginning of the book, Greenwald refers to a philosopher named Gestalt who addresses the subject of the past and future versus the present. Gestalt believed that a person need not “undo, work through, or otherwise eliminate the toxic effects of past experiences by delving into them. On the contrary, the deliberate attempt to probe into the past for this purpose simply perpetuates the destructive power of these obsolete experiences which belong to the reality of an earlier era of the person's life. They serve largely to distort the reality of his present functioning, his concept of his self, and his ways of relating to the world. . . .”

Dr. Greenwald states that while past relationships and experiences certainly shape an individual’s attitudes and ways of reacting in the present, “the letting go of those attitudes and behavior patterns which are toxic begins the moment one focuses his attention on the present . . . “

He goes on to explain that the goal of Gestalt's philosophy/therapy is to "melt the toxic power of the past by learning to focus on the present. When a person lives wholly in the now, the past with all its destructive effects recedes into the background of his behavior and loses its power."

“We over-exaggerate yesterday, over-estimate tomorrow, and under-estimate today. We compound our fears and frustrations by taking on the cares of yesterday or tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a good day if we do the right things today. So many times we are repairing instead of preparing. Don’t use today to grieve over the mistakes of yesterday or worry about the events of tomorrow. Live one day at a time.”

~ John Maxwell, author of Life Matters

To be continued . . .

Your Place or Mine?

2008-11-24T08:55:00.000-08:00

“There is only one Lawgiver and Judge . . . But you - who are you to judge your neighbor?” ~ James 4:12 (NIV)

The ideas and inspiration for my weekly columns come from a variety of sources, and this week’s idea began with an email story my stepmother Barbara sent me. It goes like this:

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"That laundry is not very clean," she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap"

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice array of clean wash on the line.

"Look,” she said to her husband. “Our neighbor has finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?"

The husband replied, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."

And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

***********

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.”

~ Matthew 7:1-5 (NKJV)

When we judge and criticize, we're really saying, "If others don’t act, or think, or live like me, then they’re wrong.”

Here’s a poem I wrote one night last week when I couldn’t sleep.

You and I
By Eileen Umbehr

If you like homemade clothes
And I like store-bought the most
And you make your own bread
But I buy Wonder instead
If you like to can jelly
And I like Welch’s as well-y
If you grow tomatoes in a garden
And I buy mine at the market
If you homeschooled your kids
And that’s not what I did
If you hang clothes on the line
And the dryer dries mine
If your house is picked up
And mine, you can write in the dust
If you’re still a size 10
And I’m not nearly as thin
If you travel and roam
And I prefer to stay home
If you have a degree
And, well, me, I’m just me
If you read Wall Street Journal
And I prefer a good novel
If you go to church weekly
And I simply pray meekly

Does that make you better than me?

No, we’re all unique beings
Shaped by our upbringings
And no one is better than the other
So rather than conform
Or try to fit in the norm
How ‘bout we just accept one another?

Then I’ll love you for you
If you’ll love me for me
Although we both have our faults and shortcomings
And I’ll overlook yours
If you’ll overlook mine
Then we’ll all share a joy-filled homecoming

“Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven. . .” ~ Luke 6:37

In a way, that poem ties into the theme of Thanksgiving, because while Thanksgiving is a time when families gather to celebrate and enjoy one another’s company, it can also present opportunities for conflict and bickering.

This Thanksgiving and Christmas, be determined to resist the temptation to lash out at your relatives when they rub you the wrong way.

“For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, contention ceases.” ~ Proverbs 26:20

Remember, you’re only together for a day or two, so just zip your lip and let annoying comments roll off like water from a duck’s back. In other words, don’t be a turkey this Thanksgiving, be a duck!

This next passage comes from Romans 14:1-5 in The Message Bible:

“Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.

For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume he should only be a vegetarian and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ's table, wouldn't it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn't eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God's welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help.

Or, say, one person thinks that some days should be set aside as holy and another thinks that each day is pretty much like any other. There are good reasons either way. So, each person is free to follow the convictions of conscience.”

In the following verses from I Corinthians chapter 3, Paul addressed the issue of division amongst the church:

“Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men? For when one says, ‘I follow Paul,’ and another, ‘I follow Apollos,’ are you not mere men? What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building.”

My prayer for your family – and mine – is that this holiday season will be one of unity and love rather than division and strife. We have so much to be thankful for, so let’s be grateful and remember to “praise God from whom all blessings flow.”

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.” ~ Exodus 15:2 (NIV)

In Memory

2008-11-17T12:11:00.001-08:00

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

~ Romans 12:15 NKJV

“The best of men cannot suspend their fate - the good die early and the bad die late." ~ Daniel Defoe

Although I didn’t know the 43-year-old Alta Vista man who tragically lost his life on November 8th, I do know that Michael T. Shepard was too young too die and that his family will forever grieve his passing. I extend my deepest sympathy to Michael’s loved ones. I would like to dedicate this collection of poems and stories to his memory.

Just Beyond
By Gale Rogers

I have gone just beyond
of where you are.
Out of sight of you
sitting beside an evening star.

Watch for me
when flowers bloom in spring
or in the evening
listen as the birds do sing.

A smile for you
as you greet the morning sun
Then in the evening I'll create a sunset
just for you when day is done

I am with loved ones
where time will never cease.
No sorrow now, be glad for me
Forever I will know only peace.

****************

The following two stories were sent to me from a friend:

A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the examination room and
said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side."

Very quietly the doctor said, "I don't know."

"You don't know?” the patient inquired. “You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"

The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side of which came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened he sprang in without fear. I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing: I know my Master is there, and that is
enough. And when the door opens, I will pass through it with gladness, but with no fear."

*************

In January 2000, leaders in Charlotte, North Carolina, invited their favorite son, Billy Graham, to a luncheon in his honor. Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because of his struggles with Parkinson’s disease. But the Charlotte leaders said, "We don't expect a major address. Please just come and let us honor you."

So he agreed.

After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham stepped to the podium, looked at the crowd, and said, "I'm reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who has been honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century.

Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of each passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his other pocket. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat by him. He couldn't find it.

The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.' Einstein nodded appreciatively.

The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don’t worry. I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.'

Einstein looked at him and said, 'Young man, I too know who I am. What I don’t know is where I'm going.'"

Having said that Billy Graham continued, "See the suit I'm wearing? It's a brand new suit. My wife, my children, and my grandchildren are telling me I've gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one more occasion.

You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which I'll be buried. But when you hear I'm dead, I don't want you to immediately remember the suit I'm wearing. I want you to remember this: I not only know who I am, I also know where I'm going."

“Our valleys may be filled with foes and tears; but we can lift our eyes to the hills to see God and the angels, Heaven's spectators, who support us according to God's infinite wisdom as they prepare our welcome home.”

~ Billy Graham

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By His side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When His face
Is before me
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for You, Jesus,
Or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Hallelujah?
Will I be able to sing at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I Can Only Imagine – Words and music by Bart Millard, performed by Mercy Me

Every Life a Story: Joe Romano

2008-11-10T19:20:00.000-08:00

"To be a champ, you have to believe in yourself when nobody else will." ~ Sugar Ray Robinson

This week I’d like to introduce you to someone I met at the Presbyterian Manor in Topeka. His name is Joe Romano.

Joseph Rocco Romano was born on July 29, 1924, to Italian immigrants Mariano and Carmella Romano. He is the oldest child from a large Catholic family – five boys and four girls. His parents were originally from Ravenna, Italy, and settled in Ravenna, Ohio, in the early 1900’s. Joe’s father worked in a foundry in Cleveland for some time before purchasing his own coal yard and starting a coal delivery business.

After graduating from high school in 1942, Joe was drafted into the United States Air Force at the age of 18. While stationed in England, he was trained to become a gunner on the B-24 Liberator. He eventually flew in 32 missions over Germany. His crew consisted of a pilot, co-pilot, one nose gunner, two waist gunners (on left and right wing in middle of plane), a ball turret operator (which rotated underneath the plane), a top turret operator (which rotated from the top of the plane), and a tail gunner at the rear of the plane. Joe was the left waist gunner and the top turret operator was also the radio operator.

The guns they operated were 50 caliber machine guns. For protection, they wore flak suits, named for the razor sharp shrapnel that came from enemy shells that exploded at high altitudes. One hit could disable an engine or cause a fuel tank to explode. Although their plane was often hit by flak, they were fortunate to never sustain serious damage or injury to any members of their crew.

During a stopover in Topeka while Joe was still in the service, he met his sweetheart, Clara Nadine Cain, who went by her middle name, Nadine. The couple immediately fell in love and decided to travel to the courthouse in Alma to be married by Judge Victor Hergenreter before Joe had to leave again. Joe’s good friend, Cap McKinsey, stood up for the couple. Cap owned a barbecue place in Topeka at the time, and also ran the Lodge out at Lake Wabaunsee. Joe and Nadine were married for nearly twenty years before their only daughter Jodine Marian joined the family.

Nadine and Joe Romano

One of the most interesting aspects of Joe’s life is that he was a professional boxer. He first boxed in the service and did so well that he decided to turn professional after he got out. Joe weighed 127 lbs. and boxed in the featherweight category under the name “Little Joe” Romano. He trained at the Veterans Hospital gym in Topeka and followed a tough daily routine – running, lifting dumb bells, punching bags (both heavy and light), and jumping rope. Joe said that he boxed without any head gear – only a mouthpiece. “When I got in the ring, I stuck my nose right in there; I didn’t dance around much.” When asked about injuries, Joe replied that he had his nose broken a couple of times and a tooth knocked out once. “I got banged around quite a bit, but never had a broken bone. And my mind is still good – at least I think it is,” he added with a chuckle.

During his boxing career, Joe traveled the circuit throughout the Midwest covering Oklahoma City, Omaha, Michigan, and Indiana. He even boxed on the same card as Sugar Ray Robinson in St. Louis one time. At the close of his career Little Joe’s win-loss record stood at 35-15-2; 35 wins, 15 losses and 2 even draws.

After retirement, Joe worked at the Air Force Supply Depot at Forbes Field operating a fork lift. He also spent about seven years training and promoting other fighters. Nadine was a homemaker and held various sales at their home for individuals who didn’t want to organize their own sales. Earlier in life Nadine worked for the Carpenter brothers' dry cleaning business. She then taught her brother Bob (Cain) how to dry clean, and he went on to start his own business – Highland Park Dry Cleaning. Sadly, Nadine passed away near what would have been their 50th wedding anniversary.

Joe and Nadine’s daughter still lives and works in Topeka. After meeting and talking with Jodine on the phone, it didn’t take long for me to recognize that she inherited her dad’s ambition and feistiness. “Everyone tells me I’m just like my daddy,” she said. “But when that Italian boxer comes out it can get me into trouble!” Jodine has been a makeup artist for the past fifteen years and works on location. About four years ago she started her own make-up and hair business, The Joey Cain Company. Jodine specializes in weddings but also does photo shoots, fashion shows and even did makeup for a movie once. In addition, Jodine is the general manager at Applewood Barbecue and Bistro at Lake Shawnee, Kansas.

Jodine Romano

As for Joe, his hobbies have included golfing and playing poker – and he continued jogging clear into his sixties. Joe is a huge Elvis fan, as evidenced by the pictures of Elvis that line one wall of his room.

The remaining walls contain framed news articles from the Topeka Capital-Journal, along with a photograph of Joe with Frank Sinatra and another one of Joe with Primo Canero, a heavyweight boxing champion from Italy.

Joe with Primo Canero

When asked about his personal philosophy, Joe replied: “Enjoy living. Take advantage of the time while you’re here. Do things you want to do.”

That sounds like good advice coming from a man who has lived life to the fullest – both inside and outside of the ring.

Joe Romano today

Keen Tribute

2008-11-03T15:28:00.000-08:00

Keen during rugby game at Singapore American School (around 1974)

“The relationship between husband and wife should be one of closest friends.” ~ B. R. Ambedkar

Keen Tribute
By Eileen Umbehr

This Saturday marks 50 years,
Since you have been on this earth
Do you know how much I love you?
Do you realize your immeasurable worth?

You truly are one in a million
And I thank God we found one another
Even though it took moving half way ‘round the world
For me there was no other

You have put up with all of my quirks
And loved me through thick and thin
I’m sure more than one woman has secretly wished
That maybe – just maybe – you had a twin!

But you are my one and only
And I’m the only girl you’ve ever kissed
There aren’t many men who can say that
So I realize how richly I’m blessed

Life with you is never a dull moment
But I wouldn’t have it any other way
I never know what’s around the corner
Our life is like an adventure bouquet!

Now on this your 50th birthday
I’d give you the world if it were in my power
But instead I’ll just give you all of my love
And pray God’s blessings on you will be showered

I love you, Keen. Happy 50th Birthday!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Ode to Keen
By Eileen Umbehr
July 14, 1998

Lord, You're my best friend in the whole wide world,
Forever faithful and true;
and You blessed me with someone right here on earth,
Someone who's just like You.

He's always there when I need him,
He never lets me down;
And whenever I'm feeling sad or blue,
He turns to a smile, my frown.

You brought us together in Singapore,
When we were only fifteen;
And ever since the day we met,
He has made me feel like a queen.

He never chooses to point out my faults,
He acts as if I don't have any;
And even though I appreciate this,
We both know that I have many.

In twenty years of marital bliss,
Not one unkind word has he said;
I only wish that I could say the same,
But You know I'm the hothead.

But just like You, he's patient with me,
Even when I get stressed;
He helps me stay calm in the midst of the storm,
And says things will work out for the best.

He tells me he's the lucky one,
To have me as his wife;
But I am the one who is truly blessed,
To have him in my life.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

A Real Find

By Eileen Umbehr
For Keen on our 21st anniversary - June 10, 1999

I was shopping for a gift,
For my husband, dear;
Something to commemorate,
Our marriage of twenty-one years.

I thought that I would buy him,
A tie tack for the occasion,
And so I headed for the mall,
To fulfill my expectation.

I found so many different styles,
Some were fancy, others plain,
And it wasn't very long before,
My patience started to wane.

But finally I narrowed my search,
Down to two that looked real nice;
The only difference between them,
Was, of course, the price!

In my mind I debated the issue,
Back and forth I went,
Trying to decide which one to buy,
For this blessed event.

Suddenly, it all became clear,
Like a light bulb going off in my head;
So I pointed to the more precious one,
And this is what I said.

My husband is a real gem,
Truly, I do not jest;
For he's one in a million,
Who deserves the very best.

Thus, the choice is simple,
This fine tie tack is now sold;
For my husband's not a gold-plated guy,
He’s 14-karat gold!

Keen and Eileen in Singapore, age 16

Keen and Eileen today

Thankful Me

2008-10-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

“Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” ~ James 4:14

With October being Breast Cancer Awareness month, we have all been reminded of the impact this dreaded disease has had on countless lives – from celebrities to ordinary people like you and me. Nearly 500 women a day are diagnosed with some form of breast cancer. It is estimated that 40,000 women will lose their lives this year in the United States alone. But the good news is, with early detection, the survival rate is now at 98%.

I am thankful to be able to count myself among these survivors. In my immediate family, four out of seven women have been diagnosed with breast cancer, and my mother lost her seven-year battle to the disease at the age of 63. While family history certainly increases one’s risk for developing breast cancer, according to Kamilia F. Kozlowski, director of the Knoxville Comprehensive Breast Center in Tennessee, “Eighty percent of women who develop breast cancer have no family history.”

The following article is a slightly edited version of the column I wrote for The Prairie Post just six weeks after my surgery in 2006. The column was titled Becoming Me.

Recently I turned on the television just in time to hear a talk show host announce the topic of her upcoming show: “Change your bra and change your life!” Maybe it’s just a sore subject for me, but up until I had my mastectomy, I never noticed what a breast-obsessed world we live in. But then again, as I think back to my years as a budding pre-teen, I recall doing “bust exercises” with my sister and chanting a cheer: “We must, we must, we must develop our busts! The bigger, the better, the tighter the sweater – we must develop our busts!” (Bring back memories, anyone?) And I still remember locking myself in the bathroom after my mom bought me my first training bra so I could experiment with “tissue enhancements.” It seems most young girls are programmed to aspire to look like their Barbie dolls. Just look at the actresses who proudly parade down the red carpet, as if their breasts are their greatest asset. (Maybe in some cases they are.) Again, I hope this doesn’t sound like sour grapes, but losing my breasts has definitely given me a new perspective on life. It just seems so superficial to place such great importance on a physical appendage. Change your life, by changing your bra? Give me a break!

Nevertheless, I must admit that adjusting to life without breasts has been very difficult. I would by lying if I said it isn’t awkward being a breast-less woman in a breast-filled world. And I can’t help but notice the stares and double-takes I get when I go out in public without my prosthesis. (Apparently a flat chest sticks out more than you might think. Ironic, isn’t it?) But I am determined to find a way to become comfortable with the new shape of my body. Because the thought of being ashamed of it is a notion I simply cannot bear.

The other day I made a trip to get fitted for my permanent prosthesis (the first one was more lightweight to give me some time to heal), and I must say that I was very pleased with the results. In fact, they look better than my real ones did. After nursing four babies, my “late breasts” weren’t going to win any blue ribbons at the fair, that’s for sure! (Maybe not even an honorable mention.) At any rate, I like having the freedom to choose between wearing the prosthesis and going without. It’s kind of like deciding whether or not to wear make-up. When I want to dress up, I’ll just strap on my Sunday-go-to-meeting gear. It’s just important for me to feel okay with myself either way.

I guess you could compare it to learning to become comfortable with your own weight, even if you’re not a perfect size (by the world’s standards). I had a friend once who refused to buy herself any new clothes until she lost some weight, and I told her I thought it was important for her to see herself as deserving of a new outfit just the way she was. Then if she wanted to lose weight, fine. Then I bought her a new pair of jeans and a pink oxford shirt – just to make my point. We still refer to it as “the pink shirt theory.” Love yourself, wherever you are in life – and accept yourself – regardless of your outward appearance. Don’t attach your worth to your weight! I am not my breasts, and we are not our weight, either.

In Geralyn Lucas’ book, Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy, she expressed the following feelings about her pending surgery: “When I lose my breast I will be stripped of part of what I thought made me a woman, made me desirable. But, I think, I will still be me. Maybe I am like an antique table that is being stripped before being re-varnished. Layers will be peeled away to reveal something beautiful underneath . . . And when there is nothing left to strip, maybe there will be a revelation of a different beauty underneath, one that I never knew existed.”

A friend of mine who was paralyzed in an accident shared how she had to “mourn – grieve in all the stages,” the loss of the use of her legs. Although my situation seems insignificant by comparison, my husband and I have both had to grieve the loss of the old me – that is, the former shape of my physical body. There’s nothing easy about seeing two horizontal scars where my breasts used to be. But I am still the same person on the inside. In fact, if you consider the principle that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” you could even say that I’m a new and improved version. I do feel stronger after this experience, which makes me better prepared for the next trial I may have to face on the road of life.

Having a supportive spouse throughout my journey has been such a precious gift. Keen reassures me that he is still attracted to me – maybe even more so – because of all that we’ve been through together. But one of the most cherished memories from my post-surgery days came when he put his hand on my chest and whispered; “Now I’m closer to your heart.”

While I personally decided against having reconstruction surgery, Geralyn Lucas chose to undergo immediate reconstruction after her mastectomy. Later, she agreed to pose for a special breast cancer survivor’s edition of Self Magazine. She described the experience this way: “I never existed as a beautiful woman until I saw myself that July day . . . In every photo in the past, I hated my nose, my cheeks, my smile. Now, when there is a huge defect, I was the most beautiful. I had set out to inspire other women that they could be beautiful after this surgery – and I ended up convincing myself.”

As for me, I may or may not decide to have reconstruction surgery at some point in the future. But if I do, it will be after I’ve learned to accept myself and my body – just the way it is. So if you ever happen to see me without my prosthesis, you’ll know that you caught me on a day when I mustered up the courage to simply be “me.”

Note: It’s been two years since my mastectomy and I’m happy and thankful to report that I'm doing well and feel great. Keen and I hike six to nine miles almost every weekend. This past weekend I joined my sisters and sisters-in-law in Des Moines (along with 24,000 others) to participate in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. Since my diagnosis, I’ve become acutely aware of the frailty of life and am more determined than ever to live it to the fullest.

“So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

~ Psalm 90:12 (NKJV)

Eileen and sisters at the Race for the Cure

A Music Video of pictures from the Race for the Cure can be seen at:

www.PeggysPeople.blogspot.com

What Shape Are You In? Part II

2008-10-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. . . . In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

~ I Peter 4:12 and 1:6,7 (NIV)

To illustrate the point I finished with last week regarding the way circumstances in our lives shape us, I’d like to share a personal story.

Some years ago when one of our sons was a sophomore in high school, he was a member of the basketball team. He went to every practice and hustled so much that the coach would point him out to the rest of the team and say that he wished he had more players like him. But for some reason, when the team qualified for the State playoffs the coach decided to replace our son with a freshman and informed him that he’d have to sit on the bench in street clothes during the playoff game. To make matters worse, our son wasn’t even mentioned when they announced the names of the players over the loudspeaker before the big game at Bramlage Coliseum. It was as if he wasn’t even a member of the team, despite the fact that he had contributed to the team’s success throughout the season.

As a mother, it broke my heart to see the pain in our son’s eyes after he suffered such a devastating disappointment. Then one morning I was sitting at the kitchen table with my Bible and I said a prayer asking God to show me something that would provide comfort. I kid you not; when I flipped open my Bible, my eyes fell on the following verses:

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but [only] one receives the prize? So run [your race] that you may lay hold [of the prize] and make it yours. Now every athlete who goes into training conducts himself temperately and restricts himself in all things. They do it to win a wreath that will soon wither, but we [do it to receive a crown of eternal blessedness] that cannot wither.”

~ I Corinthians 9:25 (Amplified)

Now that may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me it was a very personal miracle. The verses spoke to my heart in such a significant way and immediately helped to ease the pain and sadness I felt for our son. And when I shared it with him, it helped him, too. Those verses put everything into perspective by reminding us that even though it’s fun to compete in sports and win, none of that is nearly as important as playing the game of life to win the ultimate prize that lasts for all eternity – Heaven.

“In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.”

~ John 14:2

And the best part is that Jesus already won the prize for us when he sacrificed His life on the cross for all of our sins. It doesn’t matter whether you’re Catholic or Presbyterian, Baptist or Lutheran – the price has been paid, the victory has been won. To claim our prize, all we have to do is believe in Him and accept the forgiveness of our sins.

“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?’”

~ John 11:25-26

In conclusion, if we’ll put our trust in God during times of difficulty, sorrow and disappointment, He will provide the grace, strength and wisdom we need to persevere.

“Trials are not enemies of faith but rather opportunities to prove God's faithfulness.”

~Author Unknown

Then the process of going through those times will stretch us and make us stronger so we’ll be in a little better “shape” for the next trial.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”

~ James 1:2-4, 12 (NIV)

What Shape Are You In?

2008-10-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

“So much has been said and sung of beautiful young girls, why doesn’t somebody wake up to the beauty of old women?”

~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

My ego has been dealt several severe blows in the past couple of years, but I think the most damaging one came just before Keen’s swearing-in ceremony in 2005. I had just asked one of his law school colleagues to take a picture of us, and as I was walking back to my seat in the auditorium I overheard her ask him, “Is that your mother?” Now I know I have gray hair and all, but please! Do I honestly look old enough to be my own husband’s mother?!

September 30, 2005 ~ Keen's swearing in ceremony, Topeka, Kansas

Losing my breasts to a mastectomy two years ago didn’t enhance my self-image much either, but I’ve never regretted choosing my life over my breasts. But then I packed on twenty plus pounds, making my tummy bigger than my chest, which didn’t exactly create an “hour glass” figure. Nevertheless, I'm just so grateful for every day that I have to enjoy this wonderful gift of life.

The Endless Journey
By Eileen Umbehr

My waistline, it seems to increase
Right along with my age
I wish I could reverse the process
Or find a way to turn back the page!

But woe is me, gone are the days
When I was just pencil thin
Now when I look in the mirror
I see an extra chin!

And what happened to my arms?
They used to fit into all of my shirts
Now it seems like they’ve doubled in size
I didn’t think I ate that much dessert!

And don’t even talk about thighs
Cellulite is my middle name
Finding clothes that are flattering is hard
At least capri pants are in style again!

My old jeans – well, just forget it
They won't budge an inch or bend
So now I just put on my new pair –
Stretch denim has become my best friend!

Like many others, I continually ponder
How will the pounds ever be removed?
And each year I make the same resolution
Resolving to resolve to improve!

Of course the solution is not rocket science
I must eat less and exercise more
I just have so many things I would much rather do
But then again, I want to fit through the door!

I’m not saying I’m as big as a barn
But I know I weigh more than I should
I just want to be as healthy as I can be
Not for looks but for my common good.

So I guess I’ll just soldier on
Though the mountain seems so hard to climb
And I’ll remind myself I’m on a journey
Then I’ll take it one step at a time.

Written September 29, 2008

**********************************************

But when I chose the topic for this week’s column, it wasn’t my intention to focus solely on physical shape. In fact, I got the idea for the title from a church billboard I saw along the highway. It read: Everything you go through shapes you. That started me thinking about how the events in our lives – particularly the negative ones – change the shape of who we are as individuals. Although these difficult experiences are unpleasant at the time, in the end we emerge with stronger emotional muscles and tougher skin.

“For the time being no discipline brings joy but seems grievous and painful, but afterwards it yields peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

~ Hebrews 12:11a (Amp)

To be continued . . .

Eddie Boone by Dr. Jack Casner

2008-10-05T17:03:00.000-07:00

(Note: Our friend Jack Casner shared this special story with me some time ago. With his permission, I am happy to be able to share it with you.)

A friend of mine sent me a story about "Special Olympics" and my mind was drawn back to Eureka, Kansas, in the mid to late 1940’s.

I expect that all Eurekans will remember Eddie Boone. Eddie had a nice job where he was his own boss; he delivered "handbills" from door to door. I don't know how much he was paid, but he normally had several different sheets to deliver: always a Princess Theater "Show-bill", usually at least one grocery ad and, often, a mimeographed ad of some kind from one or more real-estate/insurance offices.

Sometimes Eddie had as many as eight different handbills to deliver. He was making a pretty fair wage for Eurekans during the 1940s and his mother (Remember Boone Nursing Home?) helped him save it so he wouldn't be without resources after she died.

I worked for Eddie for several summers - he paid me $1.00 a day. We walked all over Eureka and I doubt he EVER missed a house. He showed me how to fold the packet so we could just sail them up onto a porch – we could make better progress that way. We would cover the east side of Main one day and the West side the next.

I expect everybody who remembers Eddie recalls him making his rounds – as regular as the Postal Service and working harder than a mail carrier at that. Like them, he made his rounds without regard to the weather. He did the same in the winter, even with heavy snow – covering the entire town by himself then.

There's something else: Eddie was very conscientious and honest to a fault. He had a different way of looking at the world; a way that was totally different from anybody else's.

For example, Eddie could mimic the whistle of quite a few different birds. He didn't use the "correct" name for birds, but he used his own: a cardinal was a "Redbird"; a sparrow was a “liddle bird.” It seemed to me that Eddie almost had a personal acquaintance with some birds. He knew several places where one of his redbirds could be found
and as we walked along he would whistle and get an answer. Same for other birds. Damnedest thing I ever saw.

Another thing that struck me was that dogs who had a personal vendetta against mail carriers (why DOES this always happen?) would not bother Eddie. When I was working one side of the street and Eddie the other, I was also safe. If a dog came barking at me, well, Eddie would just yell "Hey, bid dawd!" and the dog would calm down.

I think the best part of working for Eddie was lunchtime. We'd usually get a candy bar and a coke and sit and talk a little. I've said that Eddie had a unique way of viewing the world and I will never tell anybody what we talked about because it's too precious to me, personally. I will say one thing, though: Eddie told me about his "girlfriend" – somebody named Regina. He always perked up when we were approaching her house and she would come out to the porch as often as not. Eddie blushed then - so did Regina. They said "Hi" to each other and I knew that I could sit down for a couple of minutes. Eddie used my lack of movement as a pretext to break away by looking over at me and yelling "Hey! Jat! Ledd go!" Then he'd move off and I was back on duty.

I wasn't aware of Eddie's death, but I happened to be in town, visiting my folks, on the day of his funeral. I was sitting in the Silver Dollar, nursing a beer, and I heard someone sitting several stools down say to Burke: "He was a good boy. He never did nuthin' to hurt anyone.” I looked at Burke and asked who the guy was talking about and he confirmed what I thought. I left that place with tears in my eyes.

Tears are in my eyes now.

Jack Casner

This Side of Heaven

2008-09-22T10:41:00.000-07:00

“See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.”

~ Matthew 18:10 (Amp)

Recently my daughter-in-law Lisa sent me a link to a video of a speech given by a high school senior named Soeren Paulumbo. If you have the time to view it, I think you will find it thought-provoking. So if you don’t like to be provoked, then I wouldn’t watch it. His speech starts out talking about a black man who is washing windows in the school and some white girls walk by and tell him he “missed a spot.” His speech leads into a discussion about his twelve-year old sister who is mentally handicapped. “She will never learn to hate or judge,” he shares. “And she receives more joy from watching a bubble float into the sky than most of us experience in a lifetime.” The speech has received a great deal of attention, and for good reason. Soeren was even asked to deliver his speech to the Illinois State Senate. If you’re interested in viewing it, the web address is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoqaNG0Ozqc.

Having a granddaughter with Down Syndrome has opened my eyes and my heart and my world. I have learned so much from Katelyn and from others whom we’ve met along this journey. One of those people is a friend I went to junior high school with in Hudson, Wisconsin. I never knew until recently that Barb had a sister with Down Syndrome. Leslie was child number twelve in their family of thirteen.

Barb has a wonderful way with words. With her permission, I would like to share the following excerpts from her writings:

“With such a large family as mine, Leslie has been a true gift to all of us. From the day she was born my family dynamics changed. My parents became more patient, our inner circle a little tighter, and most importantly, our love stronger within. . . . She is still the light of our lives. She is now 42 years old and doing well. She lives with my Mom and has a job at the local grocery store that she loves. She is a friend to all that know her . . . I am very grateful that I have been raised with her in my life, and my children as adults now, embrace her as well. It was probably very difficult for my parents at the time of her birth, but the rewards have been many throughout all of our lives.

“I sometimes describe it to others as a ‘gift’ and other times a ‘blessing’ to have Leslie in my life. But really it is life changing. Once you have exposure to such a gift and blessing, your whole life changes and the way you look at things is somehow different in many ways. I didn’t fully grasp how much I had gained by having a sibling with a disability until I was an adult. And, then when I had my own children and saw what a difference it made in how I parented and how my children grew up, it was truly astonishing. I sometimes think my gratitude of life stems from my large family and most especially growing up with Leslie. All of my Mom’s grandchildren have so embraced Leslie and have made her their ‘special aunt’. She is the godmother of one of my nieces, and was just named one of my other niece’s ‘most influential adults’ in her high school graduation program. When the rest of us read it at Emily’s graduation, there wasn’t a dry eye in our row. We have all benefited from her presence, and the lessons continue as our family grows.”

Leslie with niece Emily

*********

A father of four from Pennsylvania writes a blog about everyday life with a daughter who has Down Syndrome. (http://downsyndromelife.blogspot.com) He wrote in part:

“Down Syndrome does not define who Amanda is; Amanda defines what Down Syndrome is. Amanda is my loving, beautiful, funny, inspirational daughter, who has a wonderful future ahead of her. If there was ever a button to push or a switch to flick that would make Amanda typical, I wouldn’t touch it, ever. Amanda is perfect just the way she is.

“I can truly say that our outlook of life and the things that we used to consider important has certainly been altered. Things that we used to take for granted and some of life's simplicities are more important than some of its complexities, if that makes any sense . . . Because of her, I will be a better husband, father, son, brother and friend. I know that I am the one that is supposed to teach her how to live, but she has taught me so much already.”

*********

Angels are defined in the Catholic Encyclopedia as “any agent God sends forth to execute His purposes.” So if you ever get the privilege of meeting one of these special angels – embrace it. It may be as close to God any of us will ever get this side of Heaven.

“So go my little angel and take
The greatest gift I can bestow
You’re the special angel few people
Ever have the honor to know.”

~ A Special Angel (Author Unknown)

“But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.”

~ Matthew 19:14

Better Together

2008-09-16T10:15:00.000-07:00

Deadly Expectations

2008-09-09T12:07:00.000-07:00

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” ~ Proverbs 14:1 (NIV)

The title of this week’s column sounds like the name of a made-for-television movie. But when I say, “Deadly Expectations,” I’m referring to the expectations individuals have for one another. Not just in marriage or partner relationships, but children to parents, parents to children and friends to friends.

In Catherine Marshall’s book, Something More, she shares a letter she received from an eighteen-year-old girl who was raised in a hypercritical family. “The critical faculties my parents gave me,” she wrote, “have made me more demanding than I should be, given me standards that the real, flawed world can’t live up to . . . .”

I have learned (over and over again) that placing unrealistic expectations on another person is one of the most dangerous mistakes any of us can make. Why? Because when we do, we set ourselves up for disappointment and the other person up for failure. Furthermore, once you verbalize your expectation, it makes it hard to back off or compromise. You have spoken! And you want to be heard and respected! “Yes, Master. Your wish is my command.” The only response you want to hear when you say “Jump” is “How high?” But since most of us aren’t in a master-servant relationship with our spouses, partners, parents, children or friends, none of the participants in these various relationships should be expected to meet our expectations without question or input from them.

The problem with expectations is that they are usually presented in the form of a mandate or edict, rather than a request or suggestion. This is a recipe for disaster. How do I know? Because I’ve made this mistake many times myself. I decide that I’ve been put out or put upon long enough and now it’s my turn to demand that a few things go my way. However, when the person you’re dealing with (a/k/a your victim) decides to “rebel” or refuses to “cooperate” with your demands, you become ripe for developing a serious case of bitterness, resentment and anger. From there, you usually end up on Self-Pity Drive which is really not a Drive at all but rather a DEAD END – and you are left sitting all alone on your self-made throne with no loyal subjects in sight.

At this point in your failed attempt to rule the world (and everyone in it), you may be tempted to issue an ultimatum: “Do what I say – or else!” However, once someone lays down the gauntlet and tells everyone within earshot how it’s going to be, it becomes extremely difficult for them to swallow their pride and take it all back. What I’m trying to say is that it is much better not to lay down the gauntlet in the first place. To make compliance with your wishes a litmus test for love is just wrong. “If you love me, you’ll do what I say,” is NOT love because it doesn’t leave any room for individuality or difference of opinion or personal freedom. Your opinion and your feelings are not the alpha and the omega – the beginning and the end. If you’re in a relationship with another person, your feelings are only part of the equation. You also have to consider how the other person feels and allow them the freedom to react to your announcement. That’s where the art of compromise comes into play.

“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” ~ Proverbs 17:14

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I think it’s important for both parties in a relationship to express how they feel, but you have to keep in mind that the other person is under no obligation (whatsoever) to agree with you or comply with your request. And if you’re going to get mad at or shun everyone who disagrees with you, then you’re going to end up with a very small circle of friends.

I'd start walking your way
You'd start walking mine
We'd meet in the middle
'Neath that old Georgia pine
We'd gain a lot of ground
'Cause we'd both give a little
And their ain't no road too long
When you meet in the middle

Meet in the Middle ~ recorded by Diamond Rio

Critical Change

2008-09-02T08:09:00.001-07:00

“But refuse – shut your mind against, have nothing to do with – trifling (ill-informed, unedifying, stupid) controversies over ignorant questionings, for you know that they foster strife and breed quarrels.” ~ II Timothy 2:23

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their boots; that way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their boots.” ~Anonymous

Has it ever dawned on you that anyone who will criticize another person and gossip about them behind their back, will probably criticize you and gossip behind your back? Author Agnes Sanford once referred to super criticalness as “a breaking of the bonds of love.”

I agree. It is extremely difficult to love someone while you’re judging them.

“Try to show as much compassion as your Father does. Never criticize or condemn – or it will come back on you.” ~ Luke 6:36 (TLB)

In addition, engaging in negativity only brings you down and colors your entire outlook.

“All the days of the desponding afflicted are made evil [by anxious thoughts and foreboding], but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast [regardless of circumstances].”~ Proverbs 15:15

Author Catherine Marshall put it this way: “Criticalness leads to discontent. Discontent expels appreciation and gratitude.”

“A glad heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is broken.” ~ Proverbs 15:13

Here’s a poem I wrote based on my personal experience, which explains why I’m a firm believer that short visits are best.

“Let your foot seldom be in your neighbor's house, lest he become tired of you and hate you.” ~ Proverbs 25:17 (Amp)

Family Re-unions?
By Eileen Umbehr

Here’s the thing about family reunions
At least what I’ve observed
When everyone gets together
Things can become quite absurd

At first the initial hugs
And greetings are exchanged
“How are you?” “I am fine.”
“My how you have changed!”

But then the whole environment
Seems to go downhill from there
The tongues they start a clickin’
“Can you believe that hair?”

The longer you’re together
The more negativity abounds
Deep-seated anger and jealousy
Contaminate the air and the ground

Then Cousin A and Cousin B
Exchange some subtle jabs
And before you know it the feud expands
To include their moms and dads

Auntie Em and Uncle Fred
In unison shake their heads
“Sis put on weight – Junior pierced his ears
And nephew’s off his meds!”

As time goes on, things don’t improve
But instead go from bad to worse
Leaving the attendees wonderin’
“Is this reunion a blessing or curse?”

As the saying goes, (you’ve heard this before),
Familiarity breeds contempt
Just like fish, after two or three days
Family members start to stank!

For even though you love them
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Perhaps emails and phone calls alone
Would make the bonds grow stronger!

“Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife.” ~ Proverbs 17:1

Self Portrait

2008-07-21T21:02:00.001-07:00

“The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

~ 1 Samuel 16:7b (NIV)

I’m Still Me
By Eileen Umbehr

My eyes appear slanted and my smile unique
It’s hard to understand me when I speak
I don’t look like others, nor they like me
I was born with Down Syndrome
But I’m still me

I have a disease and it has spread
Due to the chemo, scarves cover my head
My hair is gone and I feel weak
I have cancer
But I’m still me

I have a birth defect without a cure
Some people assume that my mind is not sure
A wheelchair gets me where I need to be
I have no limbs
But I’m still me

When I went to school I was the only one
Whose skin was black, and the kids made fun
I laugh, I cry, and like you, I dream
My color is different
But I’m still me

For as long as I remember, people have mocked
They say my lifestyle is a shock
But I love who I love and I want to be free
I may be gay
But I’m still me

When I received the diagnosis, it didn’t take long
To decide what to do, with family history so strong
My chest is flat where my breasts used to be
I had a mastectomy
But I’m still me

Try not to judge a book by its cover
If we’ve never met, how can we criticize another?
There’s more to a person than the external view
No matter how you look, you’re still you.

“Judge not according to appearance . . .”

~ John 7:24a (ASV)

July 17, 2008

Happy Birthday, Marne

2008-07-14T17:49:00.000-07:00

“This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” ~ Psalm 118:24 (NIV)

Last Friday my special friend Marne celebrated his 90th birthday. Marne and I met several years ago at the cafeteria of St. Francis Hospital. After striking up a conversation, we exchanged emails and have been friends ever since.

You’d never know by looking at Marne that he was 90 years young. He gets around great, takes care of himself, and still drives. In fact, he meets his buddies for lunch three times a week and goes out for breakfast every Sunday. Marne (rhymes with yarn) didn’t want too much fuss made over his special day, so we decided to have an informal celebration at McFarland’s Restaurant in Topeka. We all enjoyed lunch and had a nice cake with Marne’s picture on it.

But what really made the day special was the group of friends who turned out to help him celebrate. There was Bessie from the Presbyterian Manor, “Big John”, Dick and his wife Nedra, another friend named John, Steve, Whitney, and myself. Also, two employees from the manor’s activity department, Jeanie and Beth, stopped by to wish Marne a happy birthday. (Some of the folks Marne invited weren’t able to make it, so Marne good-naturedly reminded each of the them to mark their calendars for July 11, 2009.) After singing happy birthday and watching Marne blow out his candles, we all enjoyed a piece of cake and captured one last picture of the entire group. That evening Marne shared the leftover cake with the residents at the manor.

Marne was born on July 11, 1918, in Clovis, New Mexico to Charles George and Nettie McClurkan Coates. He had three brothers: George, James and William, who served as Shawnee County Sheriff for a time. Marne also had one sister, Elizabeth Etta. (Two siblings – one boy and one girl – died in infancy.)

I was curious about the origin of Marne’s name and so I asked him about it. Marne explained that his father picked out his name after reading about the Battle of the Marne in the newspaper. The River Marne is in France, and the battle is said to have marked a turning point in World War I. The battle involved the last German offensive of the conflict and the first allied offensive victory of 1918. Marne’s middle name, Clyn (pronounced Kline), came from the doctor who was present at his home delivery – Dr. Clyn Smith.

Marne’s family moved to Topeka in 1924 and Marne graduated from Topeka High in 1936. After graduation, he went to work for the Santa Fe Railroad and served a four year apprenticeship before becoming an electrician. He retired in 1982 after 41 years of service. Marne never married, but he had a lifelong friend named Mildred with whom he shared many happy memories.

Marne also cared for his mother at home until she passed away. Marne has always been an outdoorsman. He enjoyed fishing, hunting, and shooting skeet. In fact, as a longtime member and volunteer of the Capital City Gun Club, Marne received the distinction of having a field named after him. On September 3, 2005, Field #3 at the club was officially named Coates Field in honor of Marne’s years of dedication and service.

From the moment I met Marne I knew that he was a kindhearted, gentle man with no guile. I didn’t have to spend very much time with him to realize that he was one of those rare individuals with a heart of gold who didn’t have a mean bone in his body. It has been a joy and a privilege to call Marne Clyn Coates my friend.

“No man or woman of the humblest sort can really be strong, gentle and good, without the world being better for it, without somebody being helped and comforted by the very existence of that goodness.”

~ Phillips Brooks (1835-93), Episcopal clergyman and author; wrote Christmas carol O Little Town of Bethlehem

Eileen, Marne & Bessie

VIDEO of friends singing "Happy Birthday" to Marne

As I Turn 50

2008-06-30T21:51:00.000-07:00

“Therefore we do not become discouraged (utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear). Though our outer man is [progressively] decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being [progressively] renewed day after day.”

~ II Corinthians 4:16 (Amplified)

It was five years ago this week that my very first Reflections column was published in The Prairie Post. By coincidence, it fell on my 45th birthday, July 3rd. Which means that I’ll be turning 50 this Thursday.

In some ways it seems like only yesterday when I sent Joann Kahnt that tentative email inquiring whether or not she would allow me to submit a weekly column. Most of you have heard how I wondered what I was thinking after I sent my request. How could I possibly come up with something new to write about each and every week?

As I wrote to Joann in a recent email, I hope the readers of The Prairie Post still enjoy reading my column, because I still enjoy writing it. And I’ve finally figured out why I like writing so much – it’s because I’m not a very good listener. It’s like having a one-way conversation without being interrupted. And I never have to face the people I make angry.

But seriously, I do hope this column has been a source of enjoyment for those of you who give it a “look-see” each week. And once again, I’d like to thank Joann Kahnt, and you, the readers, for giving me this privilege.

God bless you all ~

Eileen

******************************************
As I Turn 50
By Eileen Umbehr

As I turn 50
I stand in the now
In the perfect position
To ask myself how

How I would change things…
If only I could
How I would change things
From bad to good

Yes, from this position
I can look back
On the things I regret
From the fifty years past

I can also look forward
To improvement and change
Using the wisdom
O’er the years that I’ve gained

For we never really stop
Growing and learning
With each mistake made
We become more discerning

While the lessons we’re taught
At home and in school
Provide a foundation
And serve as a tool

Some of life’s lessons
Can only be taught
Through living and loving
And the school of hard knocks

So I guess you could say
Though I’m not perfect yet
I’m improving with age,
So I have no regrets

“I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. My friends, I don't feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize that God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done.”

~ Philippians 3:12-14 (Contemporary English Version)

A Walk Down Memory Lane

2008-06-20T18:31:00.000-07:00

Last week I received an unexpected email from a woman named Joanie who lives behind the house our family built on Proehl’s Trail in Hudson, Wisconsin, where we lived for eight years before moving to Singapore. Joanie is a local history buff who grew up in Hudson and recalls crossing the rickety wooden railroad bridge that led to Proehl’s Trail. She wrote: “I was confident that if I didn’t go at top speed I would fall through the cracks to the railroad tracks below.” Joanie and her family can’t believe that they are living in the special neighborhood after all these years. “My father-in-law, an Englishman from Manchester often comments when we drive home over the bridge, ‘This is God’s little acre.’ I think he’s right.” She closed by saying that she’d like to learn more about the years our family spent in “the Van Kirk house, as it is now affectionately referred to by the old-timers.”

I’d like to share my response. The picture of our old house above and the picture of the railroad bridge below, were both provided by Joanie and shared with her permission.

Dear Joanie:

Thanks so much for taking the time to write. It was wonderful to hear from you. I do have so many fond memories of my growing up years in Hudson.

To give you a little background, our father worked for 3M so our family moved eleven different times. I was born in Cincinnati, Ohio, the 7th child of nine. From there we moved to Edina, Minnesota, and then on to Hudson when I was in the 2nd grade. We lived there until the end of my freshman year when Dad was transferred overseas to Singapore. I cried and cried when I heard we were moving. I had a difficult 8th grade year, but when I went to Hudson Junior High, I met an amazing group of friends. (Margie Friedlander, Nan Turner, Sally McGraw, Jill Feldman, to name a few.) In addition, I had just learned that I made the cheerleading squad for Hudson High School when we found out we were moving half way around the world. But the good Lord knew what He was doing because it was there that I met my future husband Keen. We just celebrated our 30th anniversary and we have 4 sons, 2 daughters-in-law and 5 grandchildren.

Growing up on Proehl's Trail was almost magical. In those days, almost every activity we did was outside. We quickly learned the art of “making ourselves scarce” because if we hung around the house Mom would always find some chores for us to do. We had a tree house that extended out over the lake which provided the perfect hideout. And the open field directly across the road from us doubled as our own personal playground. That was where we played baseball and tag football in the summer and built snow forts and had snowball fights in the winter. The entire setting could not have been more idyllic for a large family like ours.

My brothers and sisters spent countless hours playing in the woods behind our house. I remember an old hollowed out tree stump that we used to use for our "witch’s brew." One time my friend Paul and I were playing with matches and we started a fire in the woods that almost got away from us. (That sure put the fear of God in us!) During the summer the kids in the neighborhood would gather at our house to play basketball, badminton or games like Captain May I and Kick the Can. I remember when our family hosted barbecues with lots of other families and we would play a hide-and-seek game after dark that always seemed so scary. The person who was "it" would call out, "One o'clock and the ghost isn't out, two o'clock and the ghost isn't out . . .” all the way up to twelve when they’d yell, “Twelve o'clock midnight, hope to see the ghost tonight!"

I was a tomboy growing up and quite the fisherwoman. I used to put coffee grinds in an area behind our house in hopes of attracting my own supply of night crawlers. I loved taking our canoe out in the early morning hours and fishing around the lake.

The lake itself provided endless forms of entertainment for our large family. In the summer, of course, we had swimming, boating and skiing. We always had a floating dock to swim out to. In the winter, we had ice fishing and skating. I remember many gatherings at our house when my sisters and I would entertain the party goers by singing songs like, "Michael row your boat ashore," “Blowing in the Wind,” "Kumbaya," "500 miles," “If I had a hammer,” “Where have all the flowers gone?”, “Puff the Magic Dragon,” “Lemon Tree,” “White Choral Bells” (in a round), and “All Night, All Day” (Angels watchin' over me, my Lord). Our sister Joanne would accompany us on the guitar.

I remember walking to school every day up that big old hill. It seemed like a mountain to me. But coming down was always a joy. I used to pick lilacs for my mother in the springtime. Every time I smell lilacs now it takes me back to those days.

And yes, the bridge. Who could ever forget that rustic old bridge? One time my sister Mary and I were taking a short cut home across the railroad tracks when our mother happened to drive over the bridge. She stopped the station wagon at the top of the bridge and our hearts just froze in fear. I think we cried all the way home just anticipating the spanking we were going to get upon our return. The words I seem to recall my mother yelling were: "If I ever catch you on those tracks again I'll kill you before the train does!"

One of my favorite pastimes growing up was visiting with the Proehl sisters – Ida, Sophia and Magdalene. It seems to me that at least one of the sisters never married. I would visit all three sisters on occasion, but I was closest to Mag. She was always happy to see me and, despite our age differences, we became the best of friends. In fact, I still have a glass paperweight that she gave me.

Mag's passing was my first experience with losing someone I knew and loved. I was shaken and saddened by the sight of my friend being driven away in the hearse that drove by our house the day she died.

We still stay in touch with many of our friends from Hudson, several of our friends drove to Brainerd, Minnesota four years ago to surprise my Dad for his 80th birthday party. Their presence at the party really made the celebration extra-special.

Well, I hope you enjoyed my walk down “Memory Lane.” Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts – and for inviting me to share mine.

All the best,

Eileen (Van Kirk) Umbehr

Under an old brass paperweight
Is my list of things to do today
Go to the bank and the hardware store,
Put a new lock on the cellar door
I cross 'em off as I get 'em done
But when the sun is set
There's still more than a few things left
I haven't got to yet

Go for a walk, say a little prayer
Take a deep breath of mountain air
Put on my glove and play some catch
It's time that I make time for that
Wade the shore and cast a line
Look up a long lost friend of mine
Sit on the porch and give my girl a kiss
Start livin', that's the next thing on my list

~ Toby Keith - My List

The Van Kirk Family, 2004

What's Wrong with Being Right - Part II

2008-06-16T09:29:00.000-07:00

After writing the previous column on this subject a couple of weeks ago, I had a few more thoughts that I’d like to expound on.

To put it simply, one of the biggest problems with believing you’re right is this: you might be wrong. Oh, we don’t think that’s possible, but it is. That’s why it’s best not to get too over-extended when expressing your opinion. In addition, there is a vast difference between “expressing” an opinion and “enforcing” it.

Let me give you an example. Over the years, there have been a couple of times when Keen and I had a big decision to make and I either kept my opinion to myself (which was my mistake), or I wasn’t consulted in the first place (which was Keen’s mistake). The times when I kept my opinion to myself happened as a result of my desire to be a “good wife.” I wanted to support Keen’s ideas and I didn’t want to dampen his enthusiasm by raining on his parade. But I have learned (the hard way, as usual) that there is nothing noble about keeping quiet when God gave you a brain to use and a heart to follow. Besides, your input may be the very thing needed to arrive at the best decision for everyone involved.

The problem with expressing our opinion arises when we aren’t content to simply share our point of view and leave it at that, but rather, we insist on driving the point home in an attempt to force the other person to adopt our point of view. That’s where we go too far. (Once again, I speak from experience.) So both extremes are a mistake – not expressing your opinion at all or cramming it down the recipient’s throat. Therefore, we must strive to find that happy medium.

This brings us back to the theory of individual freedom. In Dr. John Townsend’s book titled, “Who’s Pushing Your Buttons,” he writes:

“It makes sense [that] you care about the button-pusher and want things to go well between the two of you. Yet that person is free to choose his behavior toward you, his attitudes, and whether he even wants to be in a relationship with you. . . .
God understands this dilemma. He knows it conceptually, and He knows it in experience. God lives in it every day, caring about us and just wanting a relationship with us that is for our best; yet He gives us the freedom to say no to him, which we often do.”

Matthew chapter 23 verses 37 and 38 reads:

“. . . You who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.”

Dr. Townsend continues:

“God desires the connection profoundly, yet He does not violate the free will that He also created within us. He allows Himself to experience that sort of tension, not because it is good or pleasant for Him, but because freedom is the only way that we will ever have a relationship that comes from within – from the heart – and is not forced or controlled. That is the only sort of relationship He is interested in.”

**********

In my opinion, that should be the only type of relationship any of us should be interested in, because nobody likes being controlled. So it only makes sense that we should not attempt to control others – no matter how strongly we feel about a particular subject. We have to realize that while it is acceptable and important to express our opinions and share our input, it is not acceptable to become angry at the other person when they choose not to agree with or adopt our opinions. Conversely, neither is it acceptable for the other person to become angry at us for expressing our opinions in the first place. Personal freedom goes both ways.

Just think about it this way: God Himself doesn’t always get His way. He sent Jesus to die for our sins so that all of His children could spend eternity with Him in Heaven, but He will not force anyone to accept that free gift of salvation. That decision can only be made by each individual upon the exercise of their own free will.

“The Lord does not delay and is not tardy or slow about what He promises, according to some people's conception of slowness, but He is long-suffering (extraordinarily patient) toward you, not desiring that any should perish, but that all should turn to repentance.”

~ II Peter 3:9 (Amplified)

To All the Good Men

2008-06-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

Here are a few reflective poems in honor of all the good husbands, brothers, sons, uncles, fathers, and grandfathers in our lives.

An Unconditional Love
By Connie Hinnen Cook

His dear wife now had Alzheimers,
her mind in a bad way;
He placed her in a care home, but
he saw her every day.

He brought her favorite roses
and a Persian cat to touch;
He'd sing to her and brush her hair,
"I love you ~ oh, so much!"

Sometimes he'd read her stories
or explain things on TV,
He longed to hear her call his name
but knew it couldn't be.

One day a patient watched them ~
how he'd gently hold her hand,
The patient, filled with wonderment, said
"I don't understand...

"She doesn't even know you, sir,
you might as well be dead!"
"I guess that's true," he answered,
"Ah, but I know her," he said.

-Connie-

"Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never ends..."

~ Corinthians 13:7

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

A Prayin' Man
by Connie Hinnen Cook

As I walked softly in the room
his head was bowed down low,
His hands lay idly in his lap,
his breathing calm and slow.

I thought that he was sleeping
till he opened up his eyes,
He made me want to kiss him
when he said, to my surprise...

"Have I told you that I love you?
I was telling God right now,
Oh, I know He knows already
but I told Him anyhow...

"We both think you're something special
and I know that He'd agree
Nothing bad should ever touch you,
not if it were up to me!"

Prickly goose bumps start to tingle,
icy chills run up my spine,
And sometimes I have to pinch myself:
this prayin' man is mine!

And just before we start our meals
he always says a prayer,
For God to bless the food we eat
and keep us in His care.

I love it when he reaches out
and puts his hand in mine,
And speaking low, he thanks the Lord
when we go out to dine.

He asks the Lord's protection
when we're traveling in the car,
For angels to ride with us
if we're going very far.

I picture one above us,
on the sides, the front, behind,
Our housetop angel waves goodbye,
(but only in my mind).

Girls, you can keep the latest hunk,
I'm not a beef-cake fan,
Stud muffins leave me unimpressed,
give me a prayin' man!

He owns my heart forever
'cause there's nothing stronger than
Words of power, words of blessing
coming from a prayin' man.

~Connie~

"The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

~ James 5:16 KJV

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Half Long Enough
By Eileen Umbehr

How long has it been?
I asked him that day
Since your precious wife
Sadly passed away

It will be two years
Come May 7th
Since the good Lord
Took her to Heaven

I’m so sorry for your loss
Are you doing all right?
I miss her very much
And I still cry every night

Although I was blessed
To share those fifty years
It wasn’t half long enough
For someone so dear

She was the center of my life
And she was the glue
That held our family together
No matter what we went through

I always thought I would go first
And I told her to remarry
But now she’s been taken
And I’m the one to tarry

I’m left alone with my memories
But I’m thankful for our love
And the life we shared together
Though not half long enough

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Husband, Father, Son
By Eileen Umbehr

I still remember, the sound of the sirens
On that winter night so long ago
But I never imagined the person in need
Would be someone that we did know

It was our cousin, his name was Jack
The night was New Year’s Eve
He was just about ready to call it a day
When he cut down one more tree

A freak accident ended his life that night
When he was only thirty-five
He left behind a wife and a five-month-old son
Wondering how they’d survive

Jack was such a hard worker, holding down two jobs
He never left a project undone
But the most important roles he played in his life
Were husband, father and son

Jack had made plans, to take his young son
To the K-State basketball games
In fact, his son’s initials are KSU
Kelby Shawn Umbehr is his name.

Now Kelby is a senior, soon to graduate
He’s bright and handsome, just like his dad
I know Jack would be, so very proud
Of the fine young man that he and Barb had

Jack has been missed – as cousin, brother and friend
And by countless other loved ones
But none miss him more, than those who knew him as
Husband, father and son.

Written December, 2003
Note: Kelby just graduated magna cum laude from Wichita State University

What's Wrong With Being Right?

2008-06-02T19:11:00.000-07:00

Our wedding party - June 10, 1978

“But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels. The Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged . . .”

~ II Timothy 2:23-24 (NASB)

I recently heard Naomi Judd say that the only real mistake is the one you don’t learn from. As Keen and I approach our 30th wedding anniversary and I near my 50th birthday, I’ve been reflecting on one of the most valuable lessons I have learned – and am still learning – in my lifetime.

Put simply, I have found that there is one thing that causes more problems in meaningful relationships than any other factor; that is, the belief that you are right. What’s wrong with that? Well, nothing I suppose. But most of us aren’t content to keep our opinions to ourselves. When we become convinced that our point of view is the correct one, then we think it’s our right and our duty to impose that view on everyone around us. Therein lies the problem.

“If all mankind minus one were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.”

~ John Stuart Mill

Let’s take smoking for example. Everyone knows that it’s bad for your health. Or that eating the wrong kind of food is bad for your arteries. And yes, we could all stand to weigh a little less and exercise more. But poking people in the eye over and over about their shortcomings does nothing but cause hard feelings and alienation. They are aware of the information about the warnings and dangers of certain behaviors; they don’t need anyone to rub their nose in it.

“But keep away from foolish disagreements. Don't argue about family histories. Don't make trouble. Don't fight about what the law teaches. Don't argue about things like that. It doesn't do any good. It doesn't help anyone.”
~ Titus 3:9 (NIRV)

Remember, God even allowed Adam and Eve to exercise their free will and make their own decisions, and He certainly knew what was best for them. We are all on a journey, and life is a process of successes and failures, so be gentle with others – and yourself.

"The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it."

~ Arnold H. Glasgow

We need to learn to love and accept people for who they are, not for whom we want them to be. When love is conditioned upon the other person doing exactly what we want or seeing things exactly the way we see them, it’s not really love at all.

The truth of the matter is that most of us have our own set of problems and hang-ups that we could be working on. But it’s just so much more enjoyable to criticize others or point out their faults than to work on our own.

“And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother's eye.”

~ Luke 6:41,42 (NKJV)

To me, one of the most interesting chapters in the Bible is Romans 14. Back in Jesus’ time, there was a controversy about whether it was right to eat meat offered to idols. Some folks saw it as sinful, while others reasoned that since idols weren’t real, it wasn’t a problem. Verse 3 in the Amplified version reads:

“Let not him who eats look down on or despise him who abstains, and let not him who abstains criticize and pass judgment on him who eats; for God has accepted and welcomed him.”

It goes on to discuss the subject of setting aside a special day to honor the Lord:

“One man esteems one day as better than another, while another man esteems all days alike [sacred]. Let everyone be fully convinced (satisfied) in his own mind . . . Why do you criticize and pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you look down upon or despise your brother?”

This chapter indicates that what is acceptable for one person may be wrong for someone else, and vice-versa. It’s not cut and dried or black and white, even though it would be a lot easier if it were. We can’t adopt other people’s values, and we can’t expect other people to adopt ours. The bottom line is that each of us has to follow our own conscience. That’s why I believe it’s a mistake to force our position on others – or to judge them for their position. In verse 22 it says:

“Your personal convictions on such matters--exercise them as in God's presence, keeping them to yourself striving only to know the truth and obey His will.”

We are all unique individuals in the family of God, and as such, we will see things differently – which, in turn, determines our actions. Love allows for those differences. In reality, the only change we have any control over is change within ourselves. When we spend our time trying to change others, there’s a very good chance we’re not devoting any time to improving ourselves.

So the next time you want to pick a fight with your husband, wife, parent or sibling, take it from one who has made her share of mistakes and remember:

“The mouth of a good person is a deep, life-giving well . . . Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering.”

~ Proverbs 10:11-12 (The Message Bible)

Your family members will thank you, and you’ll be happier and more peaceful, too.

God bless ~

Eileen

Celebrating our 25th anniversary at Josh and Lisa's wedding in 2003

Keen Takes Flight

2008-05-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

“Many are the plans in a man’s mind, but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand.” ~ Proverbs 16:9

It’s Monday morning following one of those magical moments that we all get to experience every now and then.

Last Saturday, our son Keen II earned a Bachelor of Science degree from Kansas State University with dual majors in psychology and sociology. It was a picture perfect day, in more ways than one. Keen’s mom, sister, niece and great-niece came from Texas to join the celebration, and our daughter-in-law Lisa drove all the way from Wichita with two little ones to be a part of Keener’s special day. (Josh would have been there but he couldn’t get off work.)

Before the ceremony, Keen and I just happened to run into Keen II in the hallway. He was the last person in line waiting to march into the Coliseum. Seeing him standing there in his cap and gown with such a look of pride and anticipation on his face was a moment to remember.

Although Keen’s name was misspelled on the card the announcer reads (Kenn instead of Keen), he had time to whisper the correct pronunciation just before he walked across the stage, so his name was announced exactly right, followed by our round of cheers.

After the ceremony, we enjoyed a breakfast buffet at the Clarion Hotel in Manhattan. They did such a nice job decorating the tables with white table cloths and purple napkins. The food was delicious, too. Keen Sr. shared a few thoughts that he had prepared over the past week. He was going to read them, but decided he would just speak from his heart. It was very moving and emotional for everyone. Then we played the DVD I made with pictures of Keener growing up put to the music of Mark Harris’ song, “Find Your Wings.” (If you’d like to view it, you can go to www.keentakesflight.blogspot.com.)

As I was pouring through photo albums looking for pictures to use in the DVD, I noticed that several pictures from Keen’s youth depicted him “taking flight” in various ways. There’s the picture of Keen jumping off the diving board at the Alma pool a few days before his 5th birthday (not the low dive, but the high dive). Then there’s one of Keen jumping off the rope swing at Low Water Bridge when he about seven. As an adult, Keen took sky diving lessons and jumped out of an airplane – more than once – without ever telling us until after it was over. So the song by Mark Harris and the theme, “Keen Takes Flight” just seemed to fit for our “high flying” and adventurous third-born son.

One of the highlights of the day last Saturday was meeting Keen’s new girlfriend, Tiffany. We had heard a lot about her – she grew up in Wichita, graduated from Wichita State University, and lives and works in Shawnee, Kansas – but it was so nice to have the chance to meet her in person. Tiffany and Keen met when they were attendants at the wedding of some mutual friends.

Tiffany is a strikingly beautiful young woman, but her beauty is not limited to the external. She is smart, ambitious, confident, articulate, accomplished, and, well, most importantly, she cares about our son. Tiffany said the thing that most attracted her to Keen was his sense of humor. I’ve always appreciated that quality in Keen Sr., too. As it says in Proverbs, “laughter does good like a medicine.”

Keen and Tiffany joined us back in Alma that afternoon for a “country-fied” celebration. Keen’s mom helped make a batch of the Umbehr family’s famous barbecue sauce for the pork ribs and chicken dinner. It was a beautiful day to just sit on the patio and enjoy the breeze and good conversation. In the evening, everyone enjoyed a bonfire and smores under the light of a full moon. (I forgot to buy graham crackers, so they made smores with one less key ingredient.) It was a wonderful day filled with memories that we will cherish for a lifetime.

As we watch our children grow from children to young adults and beyond, there are so many milestones to celebrate. But as Keen’s mom, I have to say that this one was the most significant – not because of the event we were celebrating, but because I can honestly say that I have never seen our son look so happy . . . so content . . . so complete.

“And now . . . I commit you to God, I deposit you in His charge, entrusting you to His protection and care.”

~ Acts 20:32a (Amplified)

Taming the Tongue

2008-05-12T05:13:00.000-07:00

“All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?”

~ James 3:7-11 (NIV)

After writing the column titled “A Better Way,” I received an email from a dear friend of mine named Jack whom I would describe as a man after God’s own heart. So when Jack shared his own struggles with keeping his words in check, it really touched my heart.

“There are those who speak rashly like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” ~ Proverbs 12:18

I’d like to share a portion of Jack’s encouraging email:

“Every night I read as one of my little prayers before going to bed, ‘Guard my tongue, O God, from silly, useless chatter, from words that would confuse or disillusion. Instead, Lord, cause my mouth to speak soothing, uplifting and healing words; words of praise and encouragement and words of love. Amen.’

I depend upon this as one of my prayers which I need continuously with three kids, seven grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren . . . because I find times when I am not pleased with what they do or say, not to mention my friends in my church and neighbors in my condominium which has 99 units. I am trying to think before opening my mouth to avoid saying things I would be sorry for later . . . .”

In my reply, I told Jack that it helped me to learn that even positive, kind-hearted people have to work hard and pray hard to keep from saying something they will regret or acting in a way that doesn’t build up the people in his or her life.

“There are two ways of exerting one’s strength; one is pushing down and the other is pulling up.”

~ Booker T. Washington, educator, author, civil rights leader
(1856-1915)

For a short while I was in the habit of praying Psalm 141:3 every morning: “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips,” and, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord.” (Ps. 19:14) I think I need to get back to that.

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath…” ~ James 1:19

But all too often I fail to remember how much trouble my mouth can get me in and I neglect to pray for God’s help to control my tongue. As a result, I have a “knee-jerk” reaction to stressful situations and end up with a severe case of “foot-in-mouth disease.”

“Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart . . .”

~ Ecclesiastes 5:2a

It’s like that one prayer that goes: “Dear Lord, so far today, I’ve done all right. I haven’t cussed, gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, selfish, or overindulgent. But in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on, I’m probably going to need a lot more help.”

My friend Mae shared a great quote recently from H. Fred Ale who said: “My green thumb came only as a result of the mistakes I made while learning to see things from the plant’s point of view.” I think we would all benefit from trying to see things from others’ points of view more often. For example, rather than just seeing the overgrown lawn at our house in Manhattan, I could have taken into consideration the fact that both of our sons are full-time college students making good grades and holding down jobs while doing their own cooking, cleaning and laundry. But all I saw at that moment was the length of the grass. And truth be told, the main reason I was so angry was because of how it made us look. Silly pride.

Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t guide or correct your children. But if we want our kids to hear and receive our instruction, then we have to deliver it in a way that doesn’t get clouded by our anger or the pitch of our voice. My whole life I have followed the wrong pattern of expressing my anger. Somehow I’ve had the mistaken notion that if I don’t scream at the top of my lungs then the recipient won’t realize how serious I am – and I really want them to know that I mean business! But people young and old have a tendency to shut down when someone is yelling at them. A wall goes up in an effort to protect them from the verbal assault.

So even though you may be right in what you’re trying to say, a message delivered with unbridled anger puts you back in the wrong. As the saying goes: You may have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give you the right to be cruel.

Oh what a fire one tiny spark can ignite. Lord, help me remember that it is much easier to “prevent forest fires” than to put them out once they’ve already started.

“We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.” ~ James 3:2-5

A Mother's Work

2008-05-05T18:14:00.000-07:00

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” ~ Washington Irving

They say a mother’s work is never done. As I watch our two daughters-in-law care for our grandchildren, I am reminded of how true that statement really is. Erin, who works as an RN and meets the demands of three young children while Jared is in Iraq with the Navy . . .

. . . and Lisa, who also works as an RN while nursing a baby and caring for a busy two-year-old with special needs, while Josh is at work more than he’s home as a first-year resident.

And so, in honor of Erin, Lisa, and all the busy moms out there who deserve the greatest praise and appreciation for all that they do for their families, I’d like to share the following prose titled, “I Didn’t Do It.” Happy Mother’s Day!

“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”

~ Proverbs 31:28

I Didn’t Do It

Author Unknown

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside playing, still in their pajamas, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded up against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that perhaps something serious had happened.

But there she was, lounging in the bedroom, still curled up in bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked him how his day went.

Bewildered, he looked at her and replied, "What happened here today?"

She smiled once again and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?"

"Yes," he replied quizzically.

"Well, today I didn't do it."

A Better Way

2008-04-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

~ Galatians 5:22,23

Well, it’s 11:30 p.m. on Sunday evening and I am not feeling very proud of the way I acted today. Our day started out fine; Keen and I went for a 3 mile walk in the morning, followed by several hours spent in the yard planting our garden and seventeen trees. Then we decided to go to Manhattan for a movie. So far so good. Afterwards we stopped by the house where our two youngest sons live. After taking one look at the length of the grass in the front yard, I stormed inside to give Kirk a piece of my mind. It was one of those times when I spoke first and thought later. Did I need to say something to him about the situation? Yes. But did I need to get so angry and make him feel one inch tall in the process? No. To make matters worse, I got mad at Keen for not joining me in the butt chewing. (He’s always been more of a softy when it comes to the kids, which I guess balanced out my “rule with an iron fist” parenting style.) At any rate, our otherwise nice weekend ended on a sour note and left me in tears. But Keen and I worked things out, and I’ll apologize to Kirk.

“As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

~ Colossians 3:12

As for coming up with a column for this week, I wasn’t feeling too inspired after the way I acted. But then I came across this story about Billy Graham and it seemed very fitting. I just thank God that His mercies are new every morning - and tomorrow is a brand new day.

“Not that I have now attained [this ideal] or am already made perfect . . . but one thing I do – it is my one aspiration; forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.”

~ Philippians 3:12-14

Nestle, Don’t Wrestle

Author Unknown

The title of Billy Graham’s autobiography, "Just as I Am," says it all. His life goes before him speaking as eloquently as that charming southern drawl for which he is known.

If, when I am eighty years old, my autobiography were to be titled "Just as I Am," I wonder how I would live now? Do I have the courage to be me? I'll never be a Billy Graham, the elegant man who draws people to the Lord through a simple one-point message, but I hope to be a person who is real and compassionate and who might draw people to nestle within God's embrace. Any one of us can do that. We may never win any great awards or be named best dressed, most beautiful, most popular, or most revered, but each of us has an arm with which to hold another person, each of us can pull another shoulder under ours, and each of us can invite someone in need to nestle next to our heart. We can give a pat on the back, a simple compliment, a kiss on the cheek, a thumbs-up sign, We can smile at a stranger, say hello when it's least expected, send a card of congratulations, take flowers to a sick neighbor, make a casserole for a new mother, give a high five, say "I love you" in language our teenagers will understand, or back off even when you have a right to take the offensive.

Do you make it a point to speak to a visitor or person who shows up alone at church, buy a hamburger for a homeless man, call your mother on Sunday afternoons, pick daisies with a little girl, or take a fatherless boy to a baseball game?

When Billy Graham was asked about his secret of love, being married fifty-four years to the same person, he replied, "Ruth and I are happily incompatible." How unexpected. We would all live more comfortably with everybody around us if we would find the strength in being grateful and “happily incompatible.”

Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you look when you're looking for what's beautiful in someone else? Let's take the things that set us apart, that make us different, that cause us to disagree, and make them an occasion to compliment each other and be thankful for each other. Let us be big enough to be smaller than our neighbor, spouse, friends, children, and strangers. Every day, remember: nestle, don't wrestle.

“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.” ~ I Peter 3:8

Broken Places

2008-04-20T08:02:00.000-07:00

“This is what the Lord says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you.” ~ II Kings 20:5

Last night I watched a show about a woman who survived a brutal rape after being strangled and left for dead. She had this advice for other victims:

"The anger and bitterness will come and you have to feel that to heal from it. But just don't let it destroy your life."

I thought that was a very balanced way of looking at it. On one hand, you can't run from that pain. It's like you have to embrace it before you can move past it. As I’ve shared before, pretending about anything doesn't take you anywhere but to another pretend place. On the other hand, you can't let feelings of anger and bitterness absorb you, or they will ultimately drain you of all joy and keep you from living your life fully.

At the end of the show, the woman quoted Ernest Hemingway when he said:

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are stronger at the broken places."

This morning I received a column, Dispatches from Kansas, by my friend Tom Parker. I wrote a blurb for the back on Tom’s book by the same title. Tom writes about nature, bird watching, and life. If you think I’m open about the things I share, you should read some of Tom’s work. He is gutsy and real in his writings.

After reading Tom’s latest column about a recent trip to Colorado for a wedding and a visit with his now grown sons and their families, I decided to ask his permission to share a portion of it, and he obliged me. The entire column can be found on Tom’s blog at: http://dispatchesfromkansas.blogspot.com.

This is an excerpt:

“On the way [to Colorado], Lori told a friend who was catching a ride with us of the time when our younger son, Benjamin, tried to kill me. I was logy from lack of sleep and wearily focusing on driving and the passing scenery, and surprised, too, when she inched further into the sad tale with details I had tried to forget. It was not a story she shares willingly and yet here she was enumerating the methodical dismemberment of our home and the sundering instant when I opened the garage door and felt the rifle butt slam into my face.”

After spending time with both of his sons, Tom reflected on their visit:

“For the first time in many years I could look at Benjamin and not feel repulsed. Among his many tattoos was a new one in memory of his grandfather and namesake. He showed it to me and I did not flinch . . . There were only the memories sloughing off, and something like forgiveness and the willingness to once again become vulnerable.”

*********

Maybe you or I have never endured or survived anything as traumatic as this, but most of us can relate to the emotions expressed and the insights gained. That’s the thing about writers; they share what most people feel but would never dare say. I appreciate Tom’s honesty and thank him for allowing me to share it with all of you.

“Things I would not tell anyone, I tell the public.”

~ Michel de Montaigne

A Change for the Better

2008-04-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

Yellow Lily by Patricia Kohls Barrett

“The Spirit of the Lord will come upon you in power . . . and you will be changed into a different person.”~ I Samuel 10:6

The changing seasons are a gentle reminder that change can be a good thing to be embraced. As a continuation of the theme from last week’s column, I’d like to share a poem written by my friend Pat Barrett titled: “Commitment to Change.”

Commitment to Change

By Patricia Kohls Barrett, 3/31/08
The road to change is not straight
It’s rocky with valleys and hills
The path demands focus on goals
To develop desirable skills

I am committed to proceed
I will persevere and move forward
When I trip on a rock and fall
I will get up and progress onward

Commitment demands persistence
To only “try” merely means to “fail”
When one “tries” they plan to quit
When there’s a bad bump in the trail

I will use each bump as a launching pad
As I forge ahead breaking new ground
Shaping my own personal course
From what seemed an impossible mound

Each step is a bit of transformation
Change must be slow and deliberate to last
A step back is only temporary
To boost to a level unsurpassed

Onward and upward I proceed
To become what I intend to be
I’ll turn obstacles into schools of learning
As I press on to become a new me

“He makes all things beautiful in His time.”

~ Ecclesiastes 3:11

There is a saying that goes: “If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies.” That reminds me of a placard I have on top of my computer that depicts two green caterpillars perched on a tree branch. There’s also a Bible verse from Psalm 138:8 – “The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me.” One of the caterpillars is looking up at a brightly colored butterfly floating through the skies above. The caterpillar comments to his friend: “You’ll never catch me going up in one of those things!”

Columnist Mary Beth Danielson once said: "If growing up is the process of creating ideas and dreams about what life should be, then maturity is letting go again." There’s a lot of truth in that statement. Hanging on to our preconceived notions about who we are and what our life was “supposed” to be, only keeps us cemented and stuck in our current position. Just like the caterpillar, we have to let go in order to be free to fly to higher heights than we ever imagined possible.

“Now to Him Who . . . is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]-- To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen.”

~ Ephesians 3:20,21 (AMP)

Change: The Pain and the Power

2008-04-07T20:32:00.001-07:00

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

~ Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

I believe that God has a good plan for all of our lives – a plan that gives us “hope and a future.” But sometimes we’re too afraid to take the risks or face the fear that goes along with change. (Believe me, I’m preaching to myself right now, too.) Yes, familiarity is nice – and comfortable, but sometimes we reach a crossroad in life, and if we have the courage to take the road to change, it can lead to new and exciting adventures that make our former experiences seem dull and boring.

“We do not err because truth is difficult to see. It is visible at a glance. We err because this is more comfortable.”

~ Aleksandr Isaevich Solzhenitsyn, Russian novelist, historian (b. 1918)

In Robert McGee’s book titled “The Search for Significance,” he writes:

“[N]othing forces us to remain in the mold of the past. By the grace and power of God, we can change! We can persevere and overcome! No one forces us to keep shifting our feet in the muck of old failures. We can dare to accept the challenge of building a new life.

Dr. Paul Tournier once compared life to a man hanging from a trapeze. The trapeze bar was the man’s security, his pattern of existence, his lifestyle. Then God swung another trapeze into the man’s view, and he faced a perplexing dilemma. Should he relinquish his past? Should he reach for the new bar? The moment of truth came, Dr. Tournier explained, when the man realized that to grab the new bar, he must release the old one.

Our past relationships may involve the intense pain of neglect, abuse, and manipulation, but if we do not begin the process of healing, we will be unable to experience the joy, challenge, and yes, the potential for failure in the present.

We need to be honest about the pain, the anger, the disappointment, and the loneliness of our past. We need to put ourselves in relationships that will encourage us to feel what we may have suppressed for many years. This will enable us to begin . . . to experience hope and, eventually, healing. Change is possible, but it is a process. Does this seem strange? Does it seem difficult? We may have difficulty relinquishing what is familiar (though painful) for what is unfamiliar because our fear of the unknown often seems stronger than the pain of a poor self-concept. It seems right to hang on. Proverbs 16:25 says, ‘There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.’ Any change in our behavior requires a release from our old self-concept, which is often founded in failure and the expectations of others. We need to learn how to relate to ourselves in a new way. To accomplish this, we must begin to base our self-worth on God’s opinion of us and trust [Him] to accomplish change in our lives.”

“It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old way, but it’s that place in between that we fear . . . It’s Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There’s nothing to hold on to.”

~ Marilyn Ferguson, author and public speaker

I’d like to close with a poem my sister Mary wrote two years ago which vividly describes the pain and fear associated with change. As some of you may recall, Mary went through a tumultuous marriage and divorce several years ago; she knows firsthand how difficult change can be.

“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.”

~ Sydney Harris, journalist, Chicago Daily News & Chicago Sun-Times

Change
By Mary Van Kirk

Dark eyes watching
What is out there?
Who is out there?
I want to know.
Or maybe I don’t.

Change is painful
But it won’t kill you
So why is it so hard to do?
I don’t like pain.
I want change.
But don’t always want things to change.
What am I afraid of?
The unknown.

Dark eyes watching.

“Do not [earnestly] remember the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it, and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
~ Isaiah 43:18,19

On Any Given Day

2008-03-31T08:07:00.000-07:00

Mississippi sky

“Now also we would not have you ignorant, brethren, about those who fall asleep [in death], that you may not grieve [for them], as the rest do who have no hope [beyond the grave].

For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will also bring with Him through Jesus those who have fallen asleep [in death].”

~ I Thessalonians 4:13,14

The column I wrote last week titled “Life after Death,” referred to the life on earth lived out by those who have been left behind after the death of someone they love. As I pondered what to write about today, I started thinking about how, on any given day, someone is going through that painful experience. So I jotted down these words:

On any given day
From life to death someone does cross
On any given day
Someone somewhere feels great loss

This next poem on the subject of life after death as it relates to the hereafter, was written by Connie Hinnen Cook and is being shared with the permission of her widower, Guy Cook.

Last Chance to Weep
By Connie Hinnen Cook

A year has passed and still you grieve,
The tears flow down your face;
You miss her voice, you miss her laugh,
No one can take her place.
But when you think of where she is,
In Heaven's land so fair;
You know you're weeping for yourself,
'Cause there's no weeping there.

Her closest friend is Jesus
And He takes her by the hand,
He talks with her for hours
As they walk in Heaven's land.
There's light once more within her eyes,
Her smile is always near;
So cry your tears while you're down there,
'Cause there's no crying here.
Here is where she's happiest,
Here's where she belongs;
She's praising God with every breath
And joining in the songs.
A joyful glow is on her face
And wonder fills her eyes;
So let your tears flow if you must,
'Cause here, nobody cries.

She has a mansion that is grand,
And friends that she can't number;
Eternal celebrating
In this land where there's no slumber.
She shines brighter than the stars,
And angels seek her face;
So grieve and miss her while you may,
There's no grief in this place.
If she could speak to you once more,
One thought she would repeat:
That now, her happiness is full,
That now, her joy's complete;
That Christ will be returning soon
And all creation waits,
He'll wipe the tears from every eye
Just inside Heaven's gates.

One day you'll be together, Yes!
And that day, time cannot sever;
There'll be no death or parting then
In that Blessed Forever.
You'll see her anytime you wish,
What joy your hearts will reap!
So cry your eyes out while on earth,
It's your last chance to weep.

--Connie

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes;
and there shall be no more death,
neither sorrow, nor crying,
neither shall there be any more pain:
for the former things are passed away."

~ Revelation 21:4 (KJV)

Life After Death

2008-03-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

A friend of a friend recently lost her husband. The grief seems insurmountable. “I know everyone is worried about me,” she wrote. “They always ask if I’m feeling better. It’s hard for them to understand that as long as I live I will never feel better. I have lost so much.”

Writer, editor and best-selling author Dave Eggers lost both of his parents to cancer when he was just twenty-one years old. He later dropped out of college to become the legal guardian of his 8-year-old brother. Eggers would eventually write a memoir about his parents’ death and the impact it had on his life. The book is titled, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.

"On the one hand you are so completely bewildered that something so surreal and incomprehensible could happen. At the same time, suddenly the limitations or hesitations that you might have imposed on yourself fall away. There's a weird, optimistic recklessness . . . . You see that there is a beginning and an end and that you have only a certain amount of time to act. And you want to get started." (The Writer’s Almanac with Garrison Kellor, March 12, 2008)

Life after the death of a loved one can be, and is, so very difficult. Much like walking with lead weights strapped to your ankles. Everyday activities that were effortless before, now seem so difficult. Every day becomes another mountain to climb. All the while, you feel so alone. People sympathize, but they don’t really understand – can’t really understand. The funeral is over; sympathy cards are reduced to a trickle. Phone calls become less frequent. Friends and family return to their lives, as they must. But how do those left behind return to their lives.

There is life after death, but it will take time. Don’t rush it, and don’t let anyone tell you how you “should” feel. It is your process, not theirs. There are no rules.

The following poem was sent to me in an email. It was reportedly written by a woman who was killed in an automobile accident. Her co-workers discovered it in an email when they returned to the office after the funeral.

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me
Author Unknown

If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all that we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss some tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day is the same way,
There's no longing for the past.
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

~ Isaiah 41:10

There But for the Grace of God

2008-03-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.”

~ Acts 20:24

In a recent edition of The Prairie Post, there was a letter to the editor written by a woman whose son had gotten into some trouble. She expressed the deep hurt her family felt upon learning that some people in her community seemed to take pleasure in spreading the news of their unfortunate dilemma.

In the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 18, Jesus used a parable to talk about people who engaged in hypocrisy of the highest form – those who took pride in their own righteousness and looked down upon everyone else. Jesus said, “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee [religious person] and the other a tax collector [so-called sinner]. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 18:9-14 – NIV)

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.”

~ Ephesians 2:8-9

Years ago, Keen and I learned some valuable lessons from an experience we went through as a family. Through that experience, we traded in our idea of having a “picture perfect family” with the more important goal of having a family that exemplifies a “picture-perfect picture” of God’s amazing grace. Now we humbly share our testimony of God’s faithfulness, grace, mercy and guidance. And the smiling faces looking back at you in our family picture are the faces of people who know they are not perfect, just forgiven.

“Forget your perfect offering and ring the bells that can still ring. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.”

~Leonard Cohen

No Such Thing
By Eileen Umbehr

I always used to think we had,
The perfect family,
But now I've come to realize
That there's really no such thing.

We did our best to raise our boys,
With values, morals and such,
We always tried to let them know
We loved them oh so much.

Then when our oldest came of age,
We thought he was doing okay,
But now he has a young wife
With a baby on the way.

But even though they seemed to get,
The cart before the horse,
I can think of many things
That could be much worse.

For we still have our son to love,
And now a daughter and baby brand new,
So there's no sense dwelling on the past,
With so much to look forward to!

Plus, we have learned so very much,
From this whole ordeal,
And we've been touched by the compassion of,
Those who know how we feel.

We've learned about the power,
Of forgiveness, faith and love,
And how we can make it through anything,
With help from God above.

So even though we may not have,
The perfect family,
It really doesn't matter,
Because there's really no such thing.

March 19, 1999

“Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law . . . For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.”

~ Galatians 2:16, 21 (NLT)

Every Life A Story: Alice Elizabeth Lucas

2008-03-09T17:00:00.001-07:00

Alice Lucas was born, the oldest of four
On a farm west of Silver Lake
Her brothers were Richard, Wayne and Paul
Her parents, Harry and LaVerna May

One interesting note, ‘tis true, and I quote
Alice’s ancestors on her daddy’s side
Came to America from England
On the Mayflower they did arrive

Mama ran a hotel, where Alice and Richard would dwell
But the two never ventured upstairs
‘Twas not ‘til years later, their Mama found out
Someone told them the Boogie man lived up there!

Back in those days, Nehi pop was the craze
For them this treat was quite rare
So Richard would get strawberry and Alice would get grape
Then back and forth a taste they would share

When Nelson Wayne came along, he was healthy and strong
A bundle of joy to have and to hold
But that wasn’t the case with Mama’s helper, Miss Johnson
Whose hands and heart were both cold!

Everything was fine, until that moment in time
In ’33 when things all went downhill
What with the depression, the drought, heat and floods,
If it wasn’t the hogs it was the windmill.

In ’36 Paul arrived, through the flood he survived
And became a happy-go-lucky lad
Even though Richard teased, prodded and poked him
He just couldn’t make young Paul mad!

Sunday mornings were fun, the kids would all run
To jump in bed with Papa and Mama
They read Dick Tracy, Slim Jim and Orphan Annie
Enjoying the funny papers in their pajamas

Mama canned and dried, from the land they survived
When making ends meet was hard
Mama made sauerkraut and traded mending for squash
In the big open kettle Papa rendered lard.

But they also had treats, gingerbread they would eat
And devil’s food cake made from scratch
They raised watermelon, cantaloupe and Concord grapes
And picked strawberries from the garden patch

Now and then they’d get hurt, at play or at work
Like the time Alice fell down the stairs
Or when Wayne fell off his pony while riding
And the pony promptly stepped on Wayne’s ear!

But sometimes a disease, was much more than a sneeze
There was malaria, measles and pox
Then an epidemic of scarlet fever
And Richard and Alice both had whooping cough

Another problem they had, which sounded so bad
Were dust storms that made day look like night
And grasshoppers the kids had to chase away
To keep them from eating everything in sight

Most her life Alice worked, as a retail clerk
And she made the choice never to marry
She enjoys writing and painting ceramic dishes
In the garden she likes to tarry.

In fact, most of these tales, a lie I can’t tell,
Came from Alice’s handwritten life story
With the help of Richard’s daughter Nancy
She is preserving her family’s history

But her favorite pastime of all, is really a ball
Alice likes to plan virtual trips
With a map and some info from Triple A
She records journeys to places of interest.

So if you ever want to wander – over hill, dale or yonder
Just tell Alice where you want to go
Then she’ll create the vacation of a lifetime
And you’ll never have to leave your front porch!

Alice holding a copy of the story of her life

Note: Alice was born in 1926 on a farm west of Silver Lake, Kansas, located about 3/4 of a mile from the river. When she was 11 days old, they moved into a new house her father had built for the family. When she was four years old, their old home, which was used for storage, caught fire. Alice said that all the neighbors and "half of Silver Lake" showed up with buckets to help put the fire out.

Alice's mother helped her Aunt Martha run the hotel in Silver Lake. Martha's husband was named Will Sickles.

The Cost of Complaining

2008-03-03T19:54:00.000-08:00

“And the people spoke against God and against Moses, Why have you brought us out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no bread, neither is there any water, and we loathe this light (contemptible, unsubstantial) manna.”

~ Numbers 21:5 (AMP)

Since I’ve been trying to keep my columns shorter, I didn’t have room to run all the quotes, verses, poems, and stories that I had saved on the topic of complaining. So I’ve decided to continue with that same theme this week.

"The attitude of unhappiness is not only painful, it is mean and ugly. What can be more base and unworthy than the pining, pulling, mumping mood, no matter by what outward ills it may have been engendered? What is more injurious to others? What less helpful as a way out of difficulty? It but fastens and perpetuates the trouble which occasioned it, and increases the total evil of the situation. At all costs, then, we ought to reduce the sway of that mood, we ought to scout it in ourselves and others, and never show it tolerance.”

~ William James, 19th century American psychiatrist and philosopher

“God is too good to me for me to ever utter a word of complaint to Him about anything.” ~Joyce Meyer

Choose Your Ruts
(sent to me via email)

A century ago, as the numerous wagon trains left Saint Joseph, Missouri, for the trek across the plains already rutted by the tracks of earlier wagons, the eager pioneers read this sobering message on a banner across the western end of the main street: "Choose your rut carefully. You may be in it all the way to California!"

“The Lord said to Moses, Why do you cry to Me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward!”

~ Exodus 14:15 (AMP)

Recently, my friend and fellow poet, Pat Barrett, sent me a copy of her latest poem, titled “Complain or Shine.” With Pat’s permission I would like to share it with you, along with a picture of Pat holding her new little great-grandson, Ian.

Complain or Shine?
By Patricia Kohls Barrett, 2/15/08

Do “everything without complaining”?
My flesh doesn’t like this command
What a challenge this is from my Lord
But what blessings when I obey this demand!

Don’t complain when the weather is nasty?
When someone is thoughtless and rude?
When the driver ahead acts brainless?
When I have to pay a “high” price for food?

My God asks me to be grateful and thankful
For the many blessings He provides
To look for the good instead of grumble
To praise Him as my life He guides

It is hard to complain while praising
They are opposites that conflict
Praise brings happiness and service
Complaints worry, distress, and afflict

The Spirit gives power to be positive
He reminds of grace and love undeserved
Gives insight and awareness of benefits
Reminds of a mansion for me that’s reserved

With focus on mercy without merit
On how Christ makes me blameless and pure
I can “shine like stars in the universe”
In a world that is dark and unsure

“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.”

~ Philippians 2:14-15

Don't Complain - Count!

2008-02-25T13:19:00.000-08:00

“And the people grumbled and deplored their hardships, which was evil in the ears of the Lord . . . [They] raised their voices and wept aloud. All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, "If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this desert! Wouldn't it be better for us to go back to Egypt?”

~ Numbers 11:1a and 14:1-3b (NIV)

I must confess there has been more than one occasion when I have grumbled and complained to God (and Keen and others) about our lot in life. Like the Israelites of old who complained to Moses in the desert after God delivered them from their captivity in Egypt, I have often chosen to focus on what was wrong with my circumstances, rather than counting my blessings and focusing on all that I had to be thankful for.

Have you ever noticed that complaining and moaning is sort of like running in place? It takes a lot of energy, but it doesn’t really get you anywhere. Complaining, like worry, doesn’t change your situation one iota and only brings you down.

“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

~ Matthew 6:27 (NIV)

Time wasted complaining would be better spent counting your blessings, committing your problems into God’s hands, and moving forward.

“Jesus can turn water into wine, but He can't turn your whining into anything.”

~ Mark Steele

The following inspirational poem was sent to me in an email:

The World is Mine
Anonymous

Today, upon a bus, I saw a very beautiful woman.
And wished I were as beautiful.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she passed with a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs; the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I am blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes; the world is mine.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child I knew.
He stood and watched the others play,
But he did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join them dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
I forgot, he could not hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears; the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I want to know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed – indeed, the world is mine!

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

~ I Thessalonians 5:18 (NLT)

There Will Be Scars

2008-02-19T06:57:00.000-08:00

“If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have dwelt in the abode of silence. If I should say, "My foot has slipped," Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up. When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Thy consolations delight my soul.”

~ Psalm 94:17-19

Keen surprised me with a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day – six white and six red. I told him they represented how we are very different as individuals, but together we make a beautiful bouquet. Sounds kind of cheesy, I know – but it’s true.

This week I’d like to remember those for whom Valentine’s Day is not a time of celebration, but rather a painful reminder of their broken dreams. This column is dedicated to all the victims of divorce who daily struggle with feelings of abandonment and rejection as they strive to put the shattered pieces of their lives back together.

This first poem was written for my friend whose divorce recently became final.

There Will Be Scars
By Eileen Umbehr

I wish that I could tell you
Your grief will disappear
Or that the ache that’s in your heart
Will lessen through the years

But as much as I would like
To free you from this pain
I know that only God above
Can make you whole again

And even when your life moves on
To the inevitable next chapter
I’m sure that you will always yearn
For that happily-ever-after

Yet you are strong, and you’ve put your faith
In the One who made the stars
But nevertheless, the sad truth is
That there will be scars

But even Jesus Christ Himself
Bears scars from His death on the Cross
He understands more than anyone could
The pain of rejection and loss

So although the scars from this divorce
Will unfortunately always remain
My hope and prayer is that with God’s help
You will laugh and love again.

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

~ Lamentations 3:21-24

***************

This next segment is from a letter I recently wrote to my friend’s daughter:

Thank you for your nice note. It brought tears to my eyes. The poem was written for your mom, but then I realized it applied to you, too.

I saw an Oprah Show last week about adult children of divorce. Even thirty years later many of them were still hurting. The poem is my way of saying that we can't ignore the painful and unexpected experiences in our lives. We have to first acknowledge the pain – then try to deal with it and process it the best way we know how so that then we can move on to the healing stage of the process. I know your parents divorce has rocked your world, and I am so sorry for that. You are doing great, but just remember that the emotions you feel need to be embraced too. Don’t forget that you're not just a student, an athlete, a daughter, a friend; you’re a person. A person who has real feelings and real pain and real hurts; and there will be times throughout your life when those feelings will let you know that they need some time and attention, too. Embrace them. As much as it hurts, don't run from them. Because they are part of your reality – a part of your wonderful, exciting, adventurous, fun-filled LIFE. A life you have been blessed by God to live and enjoy. The not-so-fun parts such as this divorce may not be a large part of your history or your future, but it is a small part, and as such, you will have to be real with yourself when it hurts. Pretending – about anything – never takes us anywhere except to another pretend place.

So go out there and enjoy your life – and always remember that we are in your corner, cheering you on – loving you and feeling so proud to be a part of your life.

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

~ Isaiah 40:28-31

The Power of Love

2008-02-09T09:36:00.000-08:00

Keen & Eileen in Singapore, 1975

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” ~ I Corinthians 13:13

Last week my sister called to tell me about a radio show contest she heard about on K-LOVE Christian radio. Contestants were asked to share their love story in 500 words or less, and the winner would receive a song written just for them by Christian recording artist Matthew West.

The following is a copy of my (non-winning) entry:

I was 14 years old in 1973 when my father announced that our family would be moving half way around the world to Singapore. I was heartbroken. I had just made the cheerleading squad and I had a great group of friends that I didn’t want to leave. Little did I know that my temporary heartbreak would lead to a lifetime of love and blessings.

Singapore American School was where I met my one-in-a-million future husband, Keen. He was a freshman and I was a sophomore when we met in March of 1974. We dated all through the following year and then we found out that my family was moving back to the States. This meant that we would be apart for two full years. My mom told my sister, “If Eileen thinks that Keen is going to wait for her she’s in for a big disappointment.”

But wait he did. In fact, when he had to cast his vote for homecoming queen, he voted for me, even though I no longer attended SAS. We wrote letters back and forth (all of which we saved), until Keen graduated in 1977. He didn’t even attend the graduation ceremonies because he couldn’t wait to get back to the States to join me. We soon became engaged and were married in an outdoor wedding at my parents’ home on June 10, 1978. Eleven months later to the day we had our first son, Jared, followed by three more sons: Josh in 1981, Keen II in 1984 and Kirk Van in 1989.

In 1981, Keen was the successful bidder on the trash collection contract for our county. We owned that business, along with a car wash, until 1999 when we sold out so that Keen could return to college at the age of 40. Keen earned a four-year degree in three years, graduating with honors from Kansas State University. He then went on to law school and graduated from Washburn University School of Law in 2005. He has been in private practice ever since.

Our life has been full of many ups and downs. We were involved in a five-year long free speech lawsuit that ended up at the U.S. Supreme Court. I lost my mother to breast cancer, Keen lost his father to bladder cancer, and one of my sisters died unexpectedly at the age of 54. In 2005, our oldest son and his family lost everything in Katrina. In 2006, we had a granddaughter who was born with Down Syndrome, and I was diagnosed with an early stage of breast cancer, followed by a double mastectomy.

Maybe in some people’s eyes our story sounds more like a bad country song, but to me it is a story about the power of love. We have five grandchildren now, and I’ve just written my first book. By God’s grace and the love He has put in our hearts, we have weathered every storm and survived to embrace the rainbow.

“Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances and it endures everything. Love never fails."

I Corinthians 13:7,8a

Keen & Eileen at Colorado lodge, 2006

When Pain Hits Home

2008-02-04T12:54:00.000-08:00

“I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.” ~ Psalm 6:6

I read with deep sadness Joann Kahnt’s editorial last week about the many losses your community has suffered lately. Young lives – children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters – so full of promise, cut short long before their time. Neighboring communities have also experienced the tragic loss of those who were far too young to die. The Gideon and Short families have both lost young sons in the recent past. A family in Atchison lost their son in a traffic accident last month, and their other three children were severely injured. A pastor we know lost his sixteen year old son to suicide. There were no warning signs – no red flags signaling that trouble was stirring in his young heart. My sister recently told me about a family she knows who lost their three daughters in an automobile accident just two weeks before their son’s wedding. Shortly before their deaths, all three girls had posed for individual pictures wearing their mother’s wedding gown. Now their parents have only a memory of what their daughters would have looked like in their own wedding gowns.

How on earth does anyone cope with such grief?

As Joann pointed out, we may never understand why things like this happen. All we can do is pray for the ones left behind to grieve, and purpose to live each day that we have to the fullest in their honor.

Several years ago the Alta Vista community lost a 29-year-old young man in a terrible car accident. At that time, I expressed sympathy to his family in my column. I also shared I poem I had written in honor of the many young people the Alma community had lost over the years. Later, the mother of the 29-year-old man wrote me a note to thank me for my thoughts. Today, I would like to share that poem again in hopes of touching just one more heart. The other poem was written by the mother of a friend of ours, Gina Blake, who kindly granted me permission to share it with all of you.

In closing, I wish to extend my deepest sympathy to the Cunningham, Hopper and Smith families as they grieve the tragic loss of their loved ones.

“. . .I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. . . .”

~ Isaiah 38:5

****************

Too Soon Gone
By Eileen Umbehr

This is a tribute
to those who’ve passed on
Before their time
Too soon gone

No one was ready
To say good-bye
Because they were all
Too young to die

Anthony, Jason and Tracy, too
How will your families live without you?

Javier, Ted, Dickie and Veryl
Why did they have to leave this world?

Jack, Norman, Galen and John
Why are they too soon gone?

There is still a void
Where you used to be
An empty spot
On your family’s tree

But even though
You were too soon gone
In our hearts
Your memory lives on

You are not only missed
By those who loved you
But by those of us
In the community, too.

*******************

The Beauty of a Broken Heart
By Gina Blake

There are times in our life
We don’t understand
The what, the where, the why
Those are the times we will find ourselves
Gently wrapped …. in Jesus’ arms …..
As we cry

In his hand He holds a bottle
Catching every tear
Those are the times Our Savior…
Draws in so very near

As each tear falls
He counts them one by one…..
Not one tear can fall…
To the ground

For it is not…
The will of the Son
With each tear that falls in the bottle
The healing has begun.

For as it falls
Our Savior is knitting ever so gently
To mend the tear in our heart
And make it whole again.

“For You have been a stronghold to the poor, a stronghold to the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm, a shade from the heat . . . and the Lord will wipe away tears from off all faces. . . .”

~ Isaiah 25:4,8

What Are You Made Of?

2008-01-29T18:33:00.000-08:00

“The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

~ I Samuel 16:7b

The following story made me think about the emphasis we place on outward appearances in our society. Not just on how we look (hair, weight, clothes), but also on the cars we drive or the houses we live in. Those things are all fine and good, but it’s a mistake to wrap your identity up in things so temporal and fleeting.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”

~ Matthew 6:19,20 (NIV)

A Cup of Coffee
Author Unknown

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in their lives and jobs.

The professor slipped away to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite. He invited his former students to help themselves.

When all the alumni had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said, "You’ll notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is precisely the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee; in most cases it is just more expensive. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups. . . and then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee. Your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life. The type of cup one has does not define nor change the quality of Life a person lives. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us.

Remember, the happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

“God is not impressed with the positions that men hold and He is not partial and recognizes no external distinctions.” ~ Galatians 2:6

**********************************************************************************

Did any of you see that news story about a group of people who were waiting in line in the freezing cold to buy the latest version of Air Jordan tennis shoes? Doesn’t that seem a little extreme?

Basically, we just need to keep in mind that we are not what we do (remember, my husband was a trashman for 17 years!), what we look like (this one really hits home since my mastectomy), what we weigh (this one also hits home), where we live, the color of our skin – whether we’re rich, poor, Irish, German, Baptist or Catholic – none of those things say anything about who we are on the inside.

Russian-born philosopher Ayn Rand took a dim view of the concept of judging people by external factors: “Modern racists attempt to prove the superiority or inferiority of a given race by the historical achievements of some of its members . . . There are only individual minds and individual achievements.” In other words, we really can’t take credit for the achievements of our forefathers, nor should we accept the blame for their shortcomings. We are not our ancestors – or our descendents, for that matter. We must each take responsibility for our own individual choices.

In closing, I would just like to add that parents often feel that it is a poor reflection on them if their children make unwise decisions. But most parents raise their children with a certain set of societal rules or codes of moral conduct. Once the children become adults, the choices they make – and the consequences that result from those choices – are theirs, and theirs alone. Like the law of gravity, the Bible teaches that we reap what we sow – and there’s nothing any of us can do to change that.

"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God. You are the miracle, my friend, Your life either shines a light – or casts a shadow.” ~ Anonymous

Note: I sent a copy of this week's column to our good friend, Scott. I'd like to share his response with you:

"Amen to that. I think it was in the third Indiana Jones movie (“The Last Crusade”). When Indie got to the hiding place where the old Crusader and the wide variety of chalices were, the Crusader told Indie he had one chance to select the one that was THE Holy Grail. There were gold and silver goblets, chalices encrusted with jewels, and so forth, but Indie’s hand went to a simple, unadorned vessel made of wood. The old man congratulated Indie and told him that surely a humble carpenter would chose to drink from a plain cup and not one decorated in a way that was inconsistent with the rest of His life. We—God’s children—truly are earthen vessels. We are weak and imperfect and prone to breaking and spilling. It is not the container that gives the clearest display of God’s miraculous power; it is the fact that he pours His unfathomable majesty into the weakest and crudest of vessels." ~ Scott

This is the Day

2008-01-18T14:14:00.000-08:00

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

~ Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

This is the day, the week, the month that my friend’s 25-year marriage comes to a final end. Her husband says it has been dead, or at least dying, for over a decade. She knew it wasn’t perfect, but then again, what marriage is? When the marriage became sick, he began making his exit plan; she simply hoped for brighter days. He decided to stay until the children were grown, as if there is ever a “good” time to break up a family.

What ever happened to: “For better or for worse, in sickness and in health . . . until death do us part?”

I know I sound like a contradiction. In some cases, where there is abuse or infidelity, the damage is irreparable and I just want to scream, “You deserve better than that! What are you waiting for?” But in cases like my friend’s, where they are both good people who just lacked the communication necessary to work out the parts of their marriage that weren’t ideal, my heart grieves.

Marriage, like anything in life (plants, pets, cars), can and will die as a result of neglect. So take care of yourself, and each other. You brought children into this world, and as a result, you will always be a part of each others’ lives. Doesn’t it just make sense to work through your problems with the mother or father of your children? As Joyce Meyer always says: “The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but you’ll have to mow that grass, too.”

I Don't Want Her Hurting
By Connie Hinnen Cook
(Used by permission)

I don't want her hurting, Jesus,
She's so all alone,
The husband that she loves moved out,
Her kids are "long gone grown."

She's given them her all, dear Lord,
She did the things she should,
And though the road was often rough
She did the best she could.

For three long decades and a half
She was a faithful wife,
She let him have the spotlight, Lord,
He was her world, her life.

And though they've been divorced for years
He still rules in her brain,
She says he's her obsession,
As addictive as cocaine.

His girlfriend is much younger
And he seems so happy now,
The family get-togethers
Are endurance tests somehow.

They sit so close together
With her hand upon his knee,
Their passion is so obvious
For all the world to see.

The hours pass like molasses
And there's always time to cry,
She knows she should get on with life
But has no heart to try.

A funeral without a corpse
That had no wish to die,
I tell her she should turn to You
Yet can't convince her why.

Grant her the peace that comes from You
that money cannot buy ~

'Cause I don't want her hurting, Jesus. . .

--Connie

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace."

Song: "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" by Helen Howarth Lemmel

“We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.”

~ II Chronicles 20:12b (Amp)

Note: For all of you who have gone through a divorce for any reason - whether it was out of necessity or whether it happened against your will, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your pain. I know that a divorce is heartbreaking, regardless of the circumstances. It is, without a doubt, the death of a dream. God bless you all and keep looking up. ~ With love, eileen

It Takes Two

2007-11-26T13:09:00.000-08:00

“Two are better than one. . . If one falls down, his friend can help him up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)

Anyone who has read my column knows that I am not someone who believes that you should stay in a marriage at all costs, because sometimes the price is just too high. For instance, if your spouse has been unfaithful, or is abusing you or your children emotionally, mentally, verbally or physically, then you need to protect yourself and your family. That’s not to say that people can’t change, because I know they can, by the grace of God. But research shows that oftentimes the abuser will simply say whatever they have to say to get their partner to take them back. Then once they do, the cycle of abuse starts all over again.

Denise Jackson, the wife of country singer Alan Jackson, recently wrote a book titled, “It’s All About Him.” Denise was recently interviewed on a morning news show, and she explained that Alan had an extramarital affair several years ago. Devastated and alone, Denise cried out to God. Through this experience, she came to the realization that no single human being can possibly meet every one of your needs. We must rely on God, our Heavenly Father, for He will never disappoint. Any time you make a person your god, then you will definitely come up short. Denise and Alan’s story had a happy ending, but she states in the book that not every marriage can be saved. But the bottom line is this: whether you are blessed with a loving spouse, or you are single, widowed or divorced, God must be your Source. He has promised to never leave you or forsake you. He has also promised to meet all of our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. If your faith, confidence or security is derived from any source other than Him, it is misplaced.

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
The God of my strength, in whom I will trust;
My shield and the horn of my salvation,
My stronghold and my refuge;
My Savior, You save me from violence.
I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised;
So shall I be saved from my enemies.

~ II Samuel 22:2b-4 (NKJV)

Having said all that, this week I would like to share two very sad poems that I have written over the past year for a very dear friend of mine whose husband is divorcing her after twenty-four years of marriage. This is one of those cases where there is no legitimate reason for the divorce. No adultery; no abuse. Just a marriage that lacked the communication needed to work through their problems – and every marriage has problems to resolve. The solution to dissatisfaction in a marriage is to bring those grievances to the table openly and honestly so that you can work toward a resolution. When you keep your differences inside for too long, eventually a wall is built between you, making communication and compromise almost impossible to achieve.

“And this you do with double guilt; you cover the alter of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives]….Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.”

~ Malachi 2:13, 15b (Amp)

Love's Last Hope
By Eileen Umbehr

He dropped a bomb -
Right in the middle of your life
The life you began with him
Twenty-four years ago

The promises you made
You meant
The promises he made
Were just words

They've been broken now
Along with your heart
Can there be any greater sorrow
Than to lose the one you love
Not to death
But to someone or something
unknown?

Your heart cries out for answers
But receives only silence
After twenty-four years, you wonder –
Don't I at least deserve that much?

No words. No eye contact.
Just emptiness.
Grief like none other.

You cry out to God,
And in the stillness of your broken heart
You hear Him say
"I am still here. I will always be here."

By faith, you take that first step.
Then another.

Only God could part these waters of grief.
Only by His strength will you escape
And cross safely to the other side.

“Even to your old age I am He, and even to hair white with age will I carry you. I have made, and I will bear; yes, I will carry and will save you.” ~ Isaiah 46:4

“Blessed be the Lord who bears our burdens and carries us day by day.” ~ Psalm 68:19

And so, although I do believe in divorce, I believe even more in the sanctity of marriage and the value of keeping a family together. When there is something good worth saving, then simple differences should not destroy a marriage. But as the title of this next poem suggests, reconciliation can only happen when there are two people willing to do the work.

“How can two walk together except they be agreed?” ~ Amos 3:3

It Takes Two
By Eileen Umbehr

The day is fast approaching
And with it many tears
The end of a marriage that lasted
Nearly twenty-five years

What became of the vows recited
Before their friends and God
What about the promises they made
Was that all just one big facade?

What about all of the memories
The two of them have shared
What about the deaths in the family
When they needed each other they were there

What about their three precious children
Will they all continue to thrive
Now that their security is shaken
Because their parents’ love didn’t survive

But the fact of the matter is simple
There are some things that we can’t control
For even though one person wants to try
It takes two halves to make a whole

Yes, it takes two to make a marriage
And try as one person might
If the other is determined to seek a divorce
Then that wrong just can’t be made right

At that point you have no choice
But to grant your spouse’s request
Then trust in the good Lord to lead you
By still waters to true happiness

Because it takes two to walk in harmony
It takes two to help wounds mend
It takes two to make a marriage work
But only one to make it end.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~ Jeremiah 29:11

More Precious Than Words

2007-11-07T20:52:00.000-08:00

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth.” ~ Psalm 127:3,4 (NKJV)

As most of you know, our family has been blessed with a new addition: Paige Ashley Umbehr was born at the Wesley Birth Care Center to Josh and Lisa Umbehr on October 23rd at 11:59 p.m. She weighed 8 lbs. 9 oz. and was 19 ½ inches long.

I was in Topeka when Lisa called to say that she was in labor, so I rushed home to pick up my suitcase and headed for Wichita as fast as I could. On my way there, I called Keen’s mom to share the good news. When I asked how late was too late to call, she replied that it was okay to call up until midnight, but after that she would wait until morning. So I guess little Paige wanted her great-grandma to get the news right away, because she was born exactly one minute before Grandma’s bedtime!

As any grandma would be, I was extremely excited about meeting our new grandchild. But my first tears were actually shed in the car as I neared my exit in Wichita and I heard Gary Allen come across the radio singing: “When tough little boys, grow up to be dads, they turn into big babies again.” It just brought back memories of our tough little boy who looked like a football player from birth, and who was now about to become a proud father once again.

Lisa’s mom Linda arrived earlier than I did and was able to provide some tender loving care to Lisa while she was in labor. I joined them around 10:30 when things were really starting to heat up. A while later Linda and I left the room because Lisa wanted to be alone with Josh during the final stages of labor and through the delivery. After visiting in the lobby for about 40 minutes, Linda and I decided we’d better check on Lisa’s progress. As we approached her room, we saw nurses from all four corners of the facility making their way down the hall. “What’s happening?” we asked. “I heard she’s ready to deliver,” a nurse explained excitedly.

Linda and I were like two little kids waiting for Santa Claus as we anxiously waited in the hall. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, our daughter-in-law is a strong woman and a champion child-bearer! She had Katelyn all natural, and now she was doing it again. I had my children naturally, too, but the difference between me and Lisa is that you could have heard me screaming 3 blocks away. I remember during one of the deliveries digging my fingernails into Keen’s forearm and saying: “This – is - not - sur-vivable!”

“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.”

~Lawrence Housman

But not Lisa; she barely made a peep throughout the entire process. On the other hand, we could hear Josh loud and clear joking with the doctor and nurses about how when Katelyn was born he told Lisa he was going to shout, “It’s a boy!” no matter what. At this point we received the only clue that there was a woman on the other side of the door laboring to bring forth a child when we heard Lisa very distinctly and firmly say: “Shut up!” Linda and I just smiled. Soon we began hearing comments like, “You’re almost there! One more good push!” We just held hands and listened intently until we finally heard, “It’s a girl!” followed by the beautiful sound of our new granddaughter’s first cry.

“Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever-fresh and radiant possibility.”

~ Kate Douglas Wiggin

Ever the jokester, Josh came out into the hall and announced to the waiting grandmas, “It’s twins!” I quickly called Grandma Umbehr to give her the good news just in the nick of time. Josh also noted that Lisa was born on the 8th of the month and he was born on the 15th of the month and when you combine those two numbers you get Paige’s birth day, the 23rd of October.

After we got our chance to hug the parents and hold precious Paige, Linda and I drove back to Josh and Lisa’s house where Grandpa Gary was babysitting Katelyn. When we arrived, Katelyn was awake. I think she sensed all the excitement. So Gary and Linda left for the hospital while I tried to feed Katelyn a bottle and rock her back to sleep. But she wasn’t having any of that, so I decided to load up the car seat and take Katelyn to meet her new little sister. When we walked in the room, Lisa’s eyes filled with tears as she held both of her little angels in her arms for the first time. Katelyn was so happy to see Mom and Dad, and she seemed curious about this little bundle Mommy was holding. At one point she patted Paige’s little cheek ever so softly. (Josh and Lisa have been working on teaching her to be “gentle” for quite some time.) Then Katelyn made the hugging motion by wrapping her own two arms around herself.

Katelyn meets Paige

Josh commented that Katelyn was probably thinking, “Don’t forget me, Mom. New things are nice, but I’ve been around a lot longer than her. I’m an oldie but a goodie!”

Then he jokingly added that he’d have to explain to Katelyn that Mommy could only love her half as much now that there were two children in the family. Without skipping a beat, Lisa replied: “That’s not true, is it Katelyn. Mommy’s heart grew last night.”

All of our hearts grew that night.

Welcome to the family, Paige Ashley. We love you!

Special Delivery

2007-10-20T12:28:00.000-07:00

The term special delivery
Holds different meaning for us all
Perhaps a bouquet of flowers
Or a gift, large or small

But for the Umbehr and Kaus families
Special delivery means one thing
To give you the whole picture
Let me start at the beginning

One night some friends were over
And we were talking about life
When somehow the conversation turned
To our friend’s brother and lovely wife

They sounded like such nice people
With traits to be admired
“Do they happen to have a daughter?”
I jokingly inquired.

Much to my amazement
They answered, “Yes, and she’s a jewel.”
Then we soon discovered,
She and our son went to the same school!

Not too long thereafter,
Josh and Lisa met each other
And Lisa said, “I think my aunt’s
Been talking to your mother!”

They soon became a couple
Before long they were in love
In the picture from their prom
A beam of sunlight shone from above

The bond continued to strengthen
Well past graduation
Faith, Love and Commitment
Became their firm foundation

Josh and Lisa found in each other
Kindred spirits and kindred souls
And four years later, just like clockwork
They both met their individual goals

After earning their degrees
Wedding bells were heard
Fr. Keith made it official
For these two very special love birds

Not wanting to waste a minute
They pressed on for better or worse
Each supporting one another’s dreams
Josh a doctor, Lisa a nurse

But before that would happen
Another dream came true
When their firstborn daughter Katelyn arrived
On the 7th day of June

Lisa’s mom and I were privileged
To be present at her birth
Oh what a gift she gave us
A gift of priceless worth

I remember when we were leaving
I gave Lisa a hug and a kiss
“She’s going to be such a blessing,” I said.
Lisa said, “She already is.”

No truer words were ever spoken
Katelyn Seraphina is a treasure
Yes God’s very Special Delivery
Is a blessing beyond measure

Katelyn & Daddy at the Wichita Buddy Walk, October, 2007

Now the next chapter of their lives
Is just about to be written
As the family grows from three to four
And we all once again become smitten!

Written October 8, 2007
Lisa’s 27th Birthday

Josh, Lisa & Katelyn (pulling Mommy's hair!)

A Long-Awaited Finish

2007-09-27T14:19:00.000-07:00

“. . . let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. . . .”

~ Hebrews 12:1b,2a (NKJV)

For those of you who have been waiting with bated breath for an update on my book, (and for those of you who couldn’t care less), I am finally able to report that a copy of my book, Small Town Showdown, is now available through Amazon.com. I ordered two copies myself last Tuesday evening and received them on Friday, so that was a pretty fast turnaround.

Lately I’ve been thinking about that old saying – “You can’t go home.” Well, what happens if you’ve never left? Although I wasn’t born in Kansas, this has been my home for nearly my entire adult life. And despite the conflicts Keen and I have been involved in over the years, we have no plans to move because there’s no place on earth we would rather live.

Yet, I realize that my book may not receive a warm reception from a substantial portion of the population of Wabaunsee County. But that’s okay. I didn’t write it to make anyone happy and I didn’t write it to make anyone angry. Most importantly, I didn’t write it to be spiteful, although many may accuse me of such. I simply wrote it because this was our life and I wanted to tell our story. The book contains the truth about what happened, a truth which some will applaud and others will curse.

I remember back in 1989 when Keen was writing his weekly column, My Perspective. The commissioners used to accuse him of hurting people with what he wrote. But the truth is what it is: nothing more and nothing less.

As for me, whether one hundred or one million people read my book, I am content just knowing that I finally accomplished my goal. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been talking about this book for so long there were times when I felt like the girl who cried “Wolf!” So now it’s finally completed, for better or for worse – come what may. And now that the foundation has been laid, I can start working on the behind-the-scenes version of our story which will allow anyone who is interested to be a mouse in our house throughout the lawsuit years. But don’t be looking for it anytime soon!

In other news, ever since our oldest son Jared joined the Navy after 911, it has been his personal goal to become a Navy SEAL. Unfortunately, his poor eyesight prevented him from trying out, so he became a member of the Special Forces boat team known as SWCCC. Their responsibilities involve the insertion and extraction of Navy SEALS, a job Jared and his unit performed during a three-month tour of duty last year. Earlier this year, Jared underwent PRK surgery to correct his vision to 20/20, which enabled him to apply for the Navy SEALS program. Then last month he received his orders to report to Coronado, California, to begin BUD/S - Basic Underwater Demolition School which is a six-month program he will have to survive in order to reach his goal of becoming a Navy SEAL.

This week, Erin, Asher, Gabe and Emma, along with Erin’s mom Lu and their two dogs and two cats, will be traveling through Kansas on their way to California. Gabe is excited because he gets to start kindergarten since the cutoff isn’t until December 1st. When I called him on his birthday last Monday he excitedly exclaimed, “Gramma – today is my five!” Asher’s birthday was on Friday. When I talked to him on the phone and asked him how he liked being 8, he replied, “Well, it’s only my first day of being 8.” (I guess I’ll have to check back with him in a couple of months.) Emma is as pretty as ever – she is a girly-girl if ever there was one. She even likes shoes. Imagine that, at 16 months old! Jared said she actually brought him a pair of shoes one time and he put them on for her. Then a little while later she changed her mind (I told you she was all girl!) and brought him a different pair.

As for Josh, Lisa and Katelyn, they are one busy family. Josh is enjoying his residency program at Wesley Medical Center. Like most residents, he is putting in some unbelievable hours, but he is young, ambitious and hard working, so he is handling it really well. Lisa has also been able to keep her nursing skills up by working part time. Katelyn is doing well. She is very mobile and gets anywhere she wants to go with her unique belly-crawl. She pulls up on people, couches and tables, and even walks around them, but she’s not quite ready to take off walking yet. We’re all anxiously awaiting the arrival of Katelyn’s little brother or sister in a couple of weeks.

Keen II and Kirk Van are roommates in Manhattan while they attend Kansas State University. Kirk is a freshman and Keen is a senior. In addition to their studies, they both keep busy working. Keener works as a referee and Kirk works as a DJ for Complete Music. Kirk said that he has a dance every Friday and Saturday for four weekends in a row.

Keen continues to keep busy with his law practice. This week he attended a two-day conference in Wichita. Recently when I ran into one of Keen’s law professors from Washburn, he made the comment that Keen was born to be a lawyer. With God’s help, Keen reached his goal, and he is so grateful. He’ll never forget how he used to fill his days working as a trash man.

“All endeavor calls for the ability to tramp the last mile, shape the last plan, endure the last hours toil. The fight to the finish spirit is the one... characteristic we must possess if we are to face the future as finishers.”

~ Henry David Thoreau

Courtesy of WIBW - CBS affiliate, Topeka, Kansas (Used by Permission)

Every Life a Story: Thomas Richard Hutcheson

2007-09-04T12:39:00.000-07:00

“Long before I wrote stories, I listened for stories. Listening for them is something more acute than listening to them. When their elders sit and begin, children are just waiting and hoping for one to come out, like a mouse from its hole.”

~ Eudora Welty, Author and Pulitzer Prize winner (1909-2001)

Welcome to the first edition of my new segment: “Every Life a Story.”

Thomas Richard Hutcheson, who most often goes by his middle name but is sometimes called T.R. or Dick, was born on August 21, 1916, in a farm home located four miles from the town of Morning Sun, Iowa, which is located in the Southeastern part of the state. Richard’s parents were Walter Edwin and Jessie (Turnbull) Hutcheson. His siblings included one brother, Matthew Maurice, and one sister, Mary Alice Elizabeth. (Another sister named Laura died in infancy.)

Richard’s mother Jessie had an interesting background. She was born in Oklahoma when it was Indian Territory. Sadly, Jessie’s mother passed away just a few days after her birth. Since there was no legal record of her birth, Jessie would eventually choose February 14 as her birthday. When Jessie was a young girl her father worked as a teamster for the railroad. After hearing there was work available at a mission being built by the Reformed Presbyterian Church, he decided to move Jessie and her older sister Dora to Apache, Oklahoma, where Jessie attended an Indian boarding school for two years. (Her father eventually married and had more children.) When Jessie was eight years old, it was determined that she and Dora should attend school in Morning Sun, Iowa, the hometown of some of the missionaries. Jessie lived with three different families before graduating from Morning Sun High School. Seventy-five years later, she was honored to be the featured speaker at the school’s alumni banquet. Jessie lived to be 96 years old.

An interesting side note: Richard’s grandfather, Matt Hutcheson, grew up near Olathe, Kansas, but left to find work in Iowa at the age of 16 because of the grasshopper plague in Kansas in 1873. The story is that the grasshoppers not only ate all the crops, but they ate the curtains off the windows and the handles off of pitchforks because of the salt from the farmers’ hands. Matt would meet Richard’s grandmother Annie in Iowa, and they eventually settled on 80 acres of land Annie had inherited near Morning Sun. This would be the farm home where Richard’s father Walter was born, and where Richard himself was born a generation later.

Richard’s mother and father met while they were attending the same Reformed Presbyterian Church in Morning Sun (Sharon Church). There was an entire colony of Reformed Presbyterian’s who moved to that area from Pennsylvania, and the church continues to have a thriving congregation to this day.

Sharon Church - 150th anniversary, July 1996

As a whole, the Reformed Presbyterian denomination has over 6,000 members nationwide, with missionaries in Japan, Cyprus and the Sudan. In addition, they operate a seminary and retirement home in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and a college in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania, known as Geneva College.

One unique aspect of the Reformed Presbyterian Church, which was officially established in 1743, is that the congregation always sings their hymns a cappella from the Book of Psalms. When I asked Mr. Hutcheson what particular beliefs distinguished Reformed Presbyterians from members of the traditional branch of the denomination, he stated that they believe Christ should be recognized as the Head of the nation, and not just the Head of the church. During World War II, the Church adopted an explanatory declaration for soldiers who were being promoted to officer status. The written declaration was attached to the Pledge of Allegiance and stated: “I take this oath with no mental reservation, but declaring my primary allegiance to Jesus Christ, the King of the Nation.” Richard also explained that in the 1600’s when the king of Scotland and England, Charles II, wanted to reestablish the Episcopalian form of government, most of Scotland compromised and accepted his proposal. Those who dissented, however, (known as Covenanters), were forced to meet in secret and suffered great persecution. History describes this tragic period as the “Killing Times.”

One year after Richard’s parents were married, they moved to Sterling, Kansas, to engage in farming. Since there were no crops that year, they became destitute and decided to return to Morning Sun where they rented a house. Richard’s siblings attended a country school, but by the time he reached school age the country schools had been consolidated in Mediapolis, Iowa.

Midway through the second grade, Richard’s family moved to the unincorporated town of Garland, Iowa, where his father began working as the manager of the Garland Elevator. There were only about six or seven houses in Garland, but they had a General Store located right in the railroad depot because the Railroad ran through the town. Richard said you could buy overalls and lemons at the store, but nothing that required refrigeration since they didn’t have electricity. (They used coal oil lamps.)

The family lived in Garland for approximately three years before moving back to Morning Sun where Richard’s father took work as a hired man. He worked ten months out of the year helping another family on their farm. His pay was $50.00 per month.

“Some people say that they were poor, but they never knew it,” Richard commented. “Well, we were poor and we knew we were poor. But we never went hungry.”

“What did poor look like for your family?” I asked.

“Well, you had to think real hard before you bought something. And you didn’t buy much,” he replied. “We had a garden, one pig and a cow for milk. Mother canned. We had fruit trees; every farm had a good orchard. We had to watch out for the worms, though, but it was worse to find half a worm. And we wore our clothes for a very long time. We wore the same pants to school for half of the year.”

Richard recalled a time when he received a new pair of high top leather shoes that were irritating the back of his heel. So he and his father went to the clothing store and the owner graciously agreed to accept the shoes back, even though they had already been worn. “I’ll keep them here,” he said. “And if somebody wants to buy them, I’ll sell them as used.”

Richard also remembered when he was about ten years old and his father went shopping for the family’s first car.

“How much are you asking for this one?” his father asked the salesman, pointing to a coupe, single-seat automobile.

“Fifty dollars,” the salesman replied. “You can pay me so much a month until it’s paid off.”

After doing the math, Richard’s father asked why the total amount came to more than the price of the car.

“That’s interest on the money,” the salesman explained. “If you went to the bank, you’d have to pay interest. We’re really lending you the money.”

“That was my first lesson in finance,” Richard remarked.

“I’m just curious. How was it that your family could afford to buy a car for $50.00 when that was all the money your father made in a month?” I inquired.

“That’s why we were poor,” Richard said with a smile.

After completing his sophomore year of high school in Morning Sun, Iowa, Richard’s family moved back to his grandfather’s farm near Mediapolis. Out of the twenty-three students who graduated from Mediapolis High School in 1934, only one girl found work at a grocery story (due to the depression). As for Richard, he spent the next year helping his father on the farm and doing odd jobs for neighbors.

In the fall of 1935, Richard enrolled in junior college in Burlington, Iowa. He was able to live with his sister whose husband worked for Chicago, Burlington & Quincy Railroad (CPQ). The following year Richard decided to transfer to Kansas State Teachers College of Pittsburg, Kansas, (now Pittsburg State University), to pursue his interest in journalism. The cost of tuition was $37.50 per semester. While in Pittsburg, Richard lived at the YMCA and worked there for his room. He also worked as a porter at the Rexford Café for his meals, and he held a job at the Family Shoe Store on Saturdays for $2.00 per day.

Richard returned to Pittsburg in the spring of 1938 after deciding he wasn’t “mechanically adept” enough to be a printer. His new area of study was history and social studies.

In the fall of 1938 one of Richard’s friends named Ralph Kilpatrick contacted him about a job opportunity in Pennsylvania. Ralph was a student at Geneva College (in Beaver Falls) and he had a good job at a funeral home. So Richard transferred to Geneva College with the understanding that when his friend returned the following spring, he would relinquish his position at the funeral home. Richard also worked in the maintenance department at the college in exchange for a reduced tuition rate.

When Richard’s friend came back to reclaim his job, Richard returned to Pittsburg once again for the spring semester. Then in the fall he stayed home to help his father harvest five acres of tomatoes which he had contracted to grow for the Heinz Ketchup Company. The following spring (1940), Richard returned to Kansas State Teachers College where he graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree in education. Since he was awarded a lifetime teaching certificate, Richard is actually still certified to teach English, History, Social Studies and Printing.

“I’m certified,” he added wryly, “but I’m not qualified.”

The summer after graduation, Richard headed for “grain-raising territory” in Northern Minnesota where he worked harvesting wheat and flax. His life would take a dramatic turn that fall when Richard was accepted into the Reformed Presbyterian Theological Seminary in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

I asked Richard when he first considered going to seminary.

“Oh, it occurred to me off-and-on over the years,” he replied.

Richard’s family was very devout in their faith, and many of their activities centered around the church. In the town of Morning Sun (population 800), there were five churches, and every year each church would hold revival services; and every year young Richard would attend each one. In addition, Richard’s father led his family in a brief worship service every morning, which included reading a chapter from the Bible (with each family member taking turns reading verses), and kneeling in prayer.

Richard told me about an incident that happened in the sixth grade which might have hinted of things to come. He said his teacher was giving the class a spelling test and she asked them to write the word “profit” (without giving the definition). Richard was the only student who spelled the word “p-r-o-p-h-e-t.” Later on when he was in college, several of his friends from church commented that they thought he should become a minister.

During his second year of seminary, Richard met his future wife, Eleanor McLam, a music student at Geneva College. Eleanor was also a member of a Gospel singing group, and she would eventually become a music teacher, traveling to different schools in the area. During this same time, a friend of Richard’s arranged for him to travel to Barnet, Vermont, to preach a sermon at a church there.

After graduating from seminary in 1943, Richard received a call from the church he had visited in Barnet, Vermont, asking him to serve as their pastor. Richard accepted the call. (Coincidentally, Richard’s future in-laws were from Barnet and attended the same church).

Thomas Richard Hutcheson's seminary graduation picture

On June 27, 1944, Richard and Eleanor were married in the Barnet Reformed Presbyterian Church. Since most people were married in their homes at that time, Richard and Eleanor were the very first couple to be married in the church, which was built in 1833.

Eleanor taught piano lessons in their home, and the couple had two sons who were born in Vermont named Martin and Harvey. Then in 1947 the family moved to Almonte, Ontario, Canada, after Richard accepted the call from a congregation there.

A third son, Dean, joined the family in 1949. The family stayed in Almonte until 1952 when Richard received another call from a Reformed Presbyterian church in Rose Point, Pennsylvania, approximately 50 miles north of Pittsburgh. Rose Point is also located near the famous Slippery Rock University which was founded in 1889. (The university’s first president was James Morrow whose granddaughter, Anne Morrow, married Charles Lindbergh.)

After deciding that “seven years was long enough,” Richard and his family moved from Rose Point to Superior, Nebraska, (near the Kansas line) to serve as pastor of Superior Reformed Presbyterian Church. There he would also serve as pastor of Beulah Country Church, located approximately twenty miles from Superior. Richard said that the majority of his time as a pastor was spent preparing sermons, visiting the sick, and acting as the “shepherd of the congregation” in various capacities. In Superior, he and four other area pastors also took turns serving as chaplain for the local hospital, writing a devotional column for the newspaper, and providing a fifteen-minute weekly radio devotional.

In 1962, Richard developed a mysterious problem with his vocal chords making it difficult to continue in his current profession.

To be continued . . .

The Hutcheson Family (with cousin on far left)

The doctors were never able to determine for certain what caused the problem with Richard’s voice, but it didn’t stop him from changing careers. In 1962 Richard began working in Holton, Kansas, for the State Department of Social Welfare (now known as SRS), which was operated by the Jackson County Commissioners and the Board of Social Welfare. Richard’s job responsibilities included providing aid to dependent children, placing children in foster homes or up for adoption, and finding nursing homes for the aged. In 1976, Richard and his wife moved to Topeka, so Richard transferred to the Topeka office where he concentrated more on medical assistance to the aged, blind and disabled.

Richard eventually retired on August 1, 1981. Sadly, Eleanor passed away in 1990 from cancer. Richard sold their home three years later and moved into an apartment in Topeka. Then in 1997 he moved into the independent living area of the Presbyterian Manor where he continues to live today.

In addition to their three sons – Martin and Dean, who live in Kansas, and Harvey who lives in Virginia – the Hutcheson’s have been blessed with seven grand-children and four great-grandchildren (two sets of twins), with two more on the way later this year. Richard said that one of his five-year old great-grandsons Samuel, recently surprised his parents by telling them, “You know, Jesus loves us no matter what!”

Before concluding our interview, I decided to ask Richard a few more questions about his faith. Here are some excerpts from Richard’s comments:

“You can be religious and not have a relationship with Christ. The Pharisees were very religious. But if you have a relationship with Christ, you’ll be religious.”

“Religion can be a hazard if it gives you a false sense of security of eternal life; that is, if you depend on your religion for your salvation. The Pharisees boasted about fasting and tithing, and when they prayed, they thanked God they were not like other sinners.”

“That’s right,” I added in agreement. “Jesus was harder on the religious people than He was on the sinners. He told the Pharisees that they washed the outside of the cup, but inside was like dead man’s bones. He said, ‘You make people twice as fit for hell as you are yourself!’”

“There are two things Jesus did for us,” Richard continued. “He took our sins and He gave us His righteousness.”

Next, I asked Richard if there was anything that he would have changed about his life if he had it to do over again.

After taking a moment to consider the question, Richard replied:

“I would have brought my wife more flowers. I would have paid more attention to my family during my life. I neglected my children more than I should have. God took care of them, but I would have done more hugging. I went to some meetings when I could have been home with the family. I really didn’t need to go to those meetings.”

“I hope you don’t mind me asking you this; do you fear death?” I inquired cautiously.

“No, I don’t fear death. Of course, I’d like it to be easy without suffering, but I guess we can’t control that. But death is a promotion to Heaven; our time on Earth is preparation. The Book of Psalms says: Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside Thee.”

“I’m ready for death whenever it comes, and it won’t be long; I’m 91 years old. When I look at the obituaries in the paper, most people are younger than I am now.

“We’re told a few things about Heaven. Heaven will be the absence of tears and pain; eternal bliss. I suppose the greatest joy would be the absence of sin . . . it’s a delight to think upon that. We can’t imagine it, really.”

“Do you ponder who you’ll be reunited with when you get to Heaven?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied, “but being with Jesus and spending eternity in His presence will be the greatest delight.”

I asked Richard what he tells people who question the teaching of Christianity that Jesus is the only way to Heaven.

“Jesus said I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, and no man comes to the Father except by Me.”

But what about people who have never heard about Jesus, I asked.

“In the first chapter of Romans [vs. 20] it says: For the invisible things of Him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse.”

“We have our consciences also,” Richard answered. “We don’t need the Ten Commandments to know that murder is wrong. God writes His law upon our hearts.”

Finally, I asked Richard how he hopes his sons and family will remember him.

He pondered the question for a moment, searching for just the right words to summarize his hopes for a personal legacy.

“Ideally, I hope that I reflected faith in Christ,” he replied. “And that they saw that I had joy because I am a believer. That’s the way I’d like them to remember me.”

“Anything else?” I asked.

“No . . . I think that’s all,” he quietly responded.

In the short time that I spent with Thomas Richard Hutcheson, that is definitely the way I will remember him.

“When David’s time to die was near, he charged Solomon his son, saying, I go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and show yourself a man; Keep the charge of the Lord your God, walk in His ways, keep His statutes, His commandments, His precepts, and His testimonies, as it is written in the law of Moses, that you may do wisely and prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn…”

~ I Kings 2:1-3

Such is Life: Traveling

2007-08-28T19:32:00.000-07:00

“Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” ~Proverbs 26:12

I guess I’ll have to abandon my Dear Abby/Ask Eileen idea because I haven’t received any questions from anybody. This made me wonder if I unwittingly came across as someone who thinks she knows it all. I sincerely hope not, because that is definitely not the impression I meant to give. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. I know that I don’t have all of the answers, but I believe God gave us His Word as a road map to follow if we want to lead a happy life.

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”
~ Psalm 119:105 (KJV)

“[Christians] . . . do not have all the answers. They do not have God in their pocket. We cannot answer every question that any bright boy in the back row might ask. We have only light enough to walk by.”
~ Howard A. Johnson

I was simply hoping to use it as an opportunity to seek out answers from the Bible to see what it has to say on various subjects. But for now, that idea will have to be shelved. However, if you change your mind, just send your questions to: AskEileen@aol.com.

Until then, I would like to introduce a substitute segment for my column titled, “Such is Life.” This category will cover some experiences encountered along our journey of life that encompass a combination of joy and frustration. This week I will focus on the subject of traveling, because Keen and I just returned from spending the weekend with Jared, Erin, Asher, Gabe and Emma, in Ohio.

Our whirlwind weekend began when we arrived at the Kansas City airport in plenty of time to catch our 8:00 flight on Friday night. However, we were greeted by a “Delayed” message, with no explanation about why our flight had been delayed or for how long. So Keen and I decided to pass the time by logging onto www.youtube.com and watching funny videos on our computer. We were laughing hysterically at the various clips – and we didn’t care who heard us. It’s really true what the Bible says about laughter doing good like a medicine. We completely forgot about the inconvenience. Then a passenger on the same flight informed us that the airline was going to provide refreshments. So we packed up our belongings and made our way to the table for some cookies and water. The next thing we knew they were bringing blankets and pillows for everyone – something we didn’t interpret as a good sign. Before long, a voice came over the loudspeaker announcing that the flight had been canceled and they would be putting us all up in a hotel near the airport. So we got in line for our hotel voucher and learned that we would be flying out at 8:10 a.m. the following morning.

While waiting in line we struck up a conversation with two nice ladies named Twila and Pauline who had just returned from a two-week trip to Alaska. After we realized that there were more passengers than could fit in the hotel shuttle van, Keen decided to retrieve our Durango and drive to the hotel ourselves. We invited Twila and Pauline to ride with us, and they gladly accepted.

On our way to the hotel we got lost, but not for long. Then Twila received a phone call from someone wanting to know when she would be arriving home. After she hung up, I commented that they probably said, “You did what? You got in a car with two strangers?!” Then I said, “Just tell them, ‘yes, they were strange, but in a good kind of way!’” Oh, we laughed and laughed with our two new friends. They later said they felt God took care of them by sending us their way, and we told them they helped us, too, by easing the stress of the unexpected turn of events.

The next morning we enjoyed breakfast at the hotel and headed back to the KCI airport to catch our morning flight. After Keen left to park our car I realized that I left my cell phone plugged into the outlet in the hotel room. So I called the hotel and they said their shuttle van just happened to be approaching our terminal. So when Keen returned he caught the shuttle back to the hotel, retrieved my cell phone, and hopped right back on the shuttle back to the airport. Then when he reached security he realized that he forgot to pack his shaving kit with all those impermissible bottles of shaving cream, cologne and shampoo. The TSA agents gave him the option of going back to the terminal to purchase a Ziploc bag, (as if putting the items in a plastic bag would really make any difference). Thank God he declined and opted to allow them to confiscate the items because when I reached the gate I learned that they just made the last call for our flight. “Keen Umbehr, please report to gate number 30 immediately. Keen Umbehr.” We made it just under the wire! Later I contemplated how disastrous it would have been to have our evening flight canceled and then miss our next flight the following morning! But all is well that ends well, and we had a wonderful weekend, despite the hassles that go along with traveling!

Enjoying time in the pool

Gramma Eileen with Emma Eileen

In closing, I’d like to share a poem I wrote about a trip my sister Mary and I took several years ago.

There's No Place Like Home
By Eileen Umbehr

We got up at four,
We were right on time;
Then we caught our shuttle,
And everything was fine.

Mary hopped on her plane,
At seven fifteen,
And one hour later,
Came the plane for Eileen.

But lo and behold,
Be still my heart,
There was rain in Dallas,
So the plane could not depart.

This caused a chain of events,
From which I could not escape,
So I just read my magazine,
And accepted my fate.

I arrived late in Dallas,
With quite a jolt,
The stewardess said, "Run!"
So away I did bolt.

I ran like the wind,
Weaving my way through the crowd,
"Excuse me! Coming through!"
I hollered out loud.

Well, I made it to the gate,
I'm happy to report,
But I was all out of breath,
And all out of sorts.

So I relaxed in my seat,
And prepared for the ride,
I was just so relieved,
That I had survived.

When we landed in Kansas City,
I thought my troubles were behind me,
But oh, I was mistaken,
Soon some others would find me.

As I waited and waited,
For my luggage to appear,
My heart just sank,
As I realized my worst fear.

You guessed it! No luggage!
I had to file a claim,
And I returned home,
Losing more than I'd gained.

So for now, at least,
I have no intention to roam,
Because I'm more convinced than ever,
There's no place like home!

Country road in front of our home

Farewell, Friend

2007-08-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

“Now also we would not have you ignorant, brethren, about those who fall asleep in death, that you may not grieve for them, as the rest do who have no hope beyond the grave. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will also bring with Him through Jesus those who have fallen asleep in death.”

~ I Thessalonians 4:13,14 (Amp)

I was saddened to receive word that my dear, sweet friend, Rebecca Miller had passed away on Friday, August 17th.

The last time I visited with Rebecca was on June 7, 2007. I remember the date because it was our granddaughter Katelyn’s first birthday. Keen and I stayed at the Cottage House to celebrate our anniversary before driving to Wichita for the party. I’m so thankful that I stopped by to see Rebecca before we left town.

Rebecca was her usual cheerful, positive self – ever an inspiration. I told her she was very special, and without hesitation she returned the compliment. I noticed the unique and beautiful quilt on her bed and asked if I could take a picture of it. I believe she said a good friend made it for her years ago. I commented on the fact that she didn’t have any pillows on her bed. Rebecca replied that she didn’t sleep with a pillow. Gesturing to my flat chest, I told her that ever since my mastectomy, I can also sleep on my stomach without a pillow. Rebecca immediately answered, “That doesn’t matter. What matters is that your body is free from active cancer!” Once again, my friend reminded me what was really important in life. Rebecca had a way of doing that.

Rebecca's quilt

I will miss my special friend. And yet, I know that she is in a better place, and that God’s heavenly band of angels has one more violin player. I also have the assurance that I will see Rebecca again one day, and she will walk tall and will greet me with a plate of fresh baked cookies. In the meantime, I will focus on the blessing of meeting Rebecca, and thank God for the gift of knowing her. I’m fairly certain that’s the way Rebecca would have wanted it.

And so, in honor of Rebecca’s life and unforgettable, generous spirit, I would like to share the column I wrote for her shortly after our first meeting in June, 2004.

Picture of Contentment

“Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.”
~ I Timothy 6:6-8 (NKJV)

A few weeks ago I received the nicest letter from a woman by the name of Rebecca Miller of Council Grove. (Rebecca writes the Wilsey news for the Council Grove newspaper.) She wanted to let me know that she had been getting acquainted with me by reading my column in The Prairie Post. “It’s my opinion that you are a talented writer, and I enjoy reading what you write. Keep on writing.”

Her letter was a great source of encouragement to me, but nothing could compare with the joy of meeting Rebecca and visiting with her face to face. Coincidentally, she lives right across the street from The Cottage House where Keen and I went to celebrate our 26th anniversary. Although I only spent an hour with Rebecca, she made such a strong impression on me.

Rebecca Miller was born on November 23, 1919, at her grandparents’ home southwest of White City, Kansas. She spent the first 50 years of her life on farms around Wilsey, raising cattle, hogs and chickens and tending her garden. The next 30 years she lived in the town of Wilsey. After her house burned down several years ago, Rebecca moved to an apartment in Council Grove. She never complained about the fire. Instead, she chose to maintain a positive outlook. “Maybe it turned out for the best for me to move into Council Grove,” she stated. Rebecca loves her apartment and all her neighbors. “Nobody goes by Mr. or Mrs. here – we all just go by our first names.” I’m sure her neighbors love her, too. She’s known as “The Cookie Lady” because of the cookies and treats she bakes for the other residents and mail carriers. She gave me some of her delicious applesauce cookies when I visited.

In the short time I spent with Rebecca, I learned that she has some very strong opinions. She never married (“I don’t feel sorry for myself one little bit”), and she stated very plainly that she doesn’t want to be called a spinster. “You can call me an old maid, but don’t call me a spinster!” she explained. I told her that I wouldn’t think of calling her either one! Rebecca also dislikes the title “Ms.” She prefers to be addressed by her first name or by Miss Miller. “When I get free address labels that say Ms. Rebecca Miller, I just use my other ones. I have plenty of labels; I don’t need to use them.”

Rebecca has an ailment which prevents her from standing upright. She called it the “Harmon stoop” since several members of her family were inflicted with it, too. But she doesn’t let it bother her or hold her back. Instead, she talks about how grateful she is that she doesn’t suffer from arthritis and how blessed she is to have perfect eyesight, without the need for glasses. With Rebecca, the glass is always half full.

Rebecca proudly told me all about her sister, Jane Dixon, who also lives in Council Grove and is 17 years her junior. “She’s so good to me,” she said. “She takes me to the grocery store and I just hand her my list. She’s much taller than I ever was so she can reach the items on the shelf. Then she carries them to my apartment for me. All I do is push the cart and write the check.”

When Rebecca was in high school, she wanted to learn how to play the violin in the worst way. But times were tough and her family couldn’t afford to pay $12.50 for a violin. Then one day she overheard a boy at school talking about how he sold his violin to another girl, but she had never paid him. Rebecca asked the boy how much he was selling it for and he told her $5.00. Somehow her family managed to scrape together enough money to buy the violin. “The music teacher wasn’t very happy with me for buying the violin away from the other girl, because she had more musical talent than I did,” Rebecca said. “But she bought another violin later, so everything worked out fine.”

Rebecca remarked that God didn’t give her the talent to sing or play music by ear, but thankfully He gave her the talent to read music and play the violin. “The talents I don’t have make me more under- standing of others who can’t do certain things, and the talents I do have make me grateful for the gifts God did give me.”

When I asked Rebecca if she would play a tune for me, she agreed and proceeded to play a beautiful rendition of Amazing Grace. She enjoys playing for her church in Wilsey where she taught Sunday school for many years. I was very surprised to learn that Rebecca is still using the same violin her parents bought for her so many years ago. Now that’s a picture of contentment!

Someone once said that joy, like sorrow, is infectious. Spending an hour with Rebecca Miller would brighten anyone’s day.

May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

~ An Irish friendship wish

God’s blessings to you, my friend ~

Eileen

Rebecca Miller, June 7, 2007

Guest Poet: Gloria Gaither

2007-08-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us . . .”
~ Ephesians 5:1,2a (NASB)

WHEN DID I START TO LOVE YOU?
By Gloria Gaither
Copyright © 1977 Gloria Gaither.
All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Does love have a beginning that a meeting’s measured by?
Does it happen in a moment like white lightening from the sky?
Can you tell me its dimensions – just this wide and just this high?
When did I start to love you?

Tell me just how many dates it takes for love to really start?
And just how many kisses will turn “love” into an art?
When does the magic moment come to give away your heart?
When did I start to love you?

Was the day we talked of Browning the beginning of it all?
Or the time we walked the meadow and fields of corn so tall
That we felt like naughty children hiding from their mother’s call?
When did I start to love you?

I remember just how timidly your first new song you shared –
And by the way you grinned I knew you were glad you dared
Although my evaluation wasn’t worth much, still you cared.
When did I start to love you?

Was it when I went to meet you in a gown of snowy white?
Was it when we signed the license and drove off into the night?
Was it when I gave myself to you and felt that it was right?
When did I start to love you?

When I feared you wouldn’t love me if you knew how I’d been wrong,
And I spent a week in mis’ry, but you’d known it all along –
And you loved me ‘cause you love me, and not because I’m strong?
Was it then I came to love you?

Was it when we knew for certain ‘bout the baby on the way?
Did it start the day you told me I looked pretty – shaped that way?
Or did something special happen as we waited that last day…
When did I start to love you?

Did it happen when we held her in our arms for the first time?
Was it later when I nursed her, this creation – yours and mine?
And I knew compared to what we held the world’s not worth a dime!
When did I start to love you?

There were nights we stayed and prayed by babies, fevers burning hot
When we really didn’t know if they would make it through or not –
Then we’d face the dawn’s beginning, thanking God for what we’ve got –
When did I start to love you?

Was it rushing to the clinic with a bone in Amy’s throat?
Was it nights you saw me shivering and wrapped me in your coat?
Was it when I cleaned your bureau drawer, and found you’d saved my note?
When did I start to love you?

Was it when I saw you showing Benji how to be a man?
How to sheath his strength in meekness, how to gently take a stand –
How that only strength of character can salvage this old land?
When did I start to love you?

When you held me close in silence, when there were no words for grief–
When the line of empty caskets gaped at all I called belief –
When the “amen” was so final, I had you, and dared to leave –
Was it then I came to love you?

What is this stuff love’s made of that can cause the world to glow?
Is it that you made the segments that I brought you, well and whole?
Was it when I came to recognize the poet in your soul?
That I began to love you?

It’s not of lace and chocolate that valentines are made –
All such things are lovely but disintegrate and fade –
But love – when once it grows to be – is richer far than jade –
I only know – I love you!

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
~ II Peter 1:5-8

Back in the Saddle Again (Sort of)

2007-08-20T09:28:00.000-07:00

“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”

~Desmond Tutu, South African teacher, cleric, activist, Nobel Peace Prize, 1984

We had another successful Van Kirk family reunion in Colorado with great weather, wonderful food, and lots of rafting and hiking. I’ve included a group picture taken at Mt. Princeton Hot Springs Resort.

As the title of this column suggests, I am only “sort of” ready to resume writing my column. Therefore, I will be relying on my friend Larry Welch to provide a guest column this week from his collection of stories titled, “On the Run in Singapore.” It is a tribute to his late friend, Rosemary Williams.

***************

Rosemary Williams, 60, of Silver Spring, Maryland died June 4 in her home after a year-long fight with cancer. She was Director of Howard University's Cancer Center Tumor Registry.

Rosemary was a long distance friend and former colleague in the struggle to overcome breast cancer. I never met a more kind or thoughtful woman. For 10 years we worked together in Washington to raise dollars for breast cancer research and treatment; and create awareness for the importance of early detection of breast cancer. Well respected in her community, Rosemary was a powerful influence on others to do better in their lives.

Several months before she died, Rosemary sent me the following story she had written about her brother Conrad. I am reprinting it as a tribute to Rosemary and her brother, and to help us all think about doing better in our lives.

The Greatest Danger of All

"You know the things we fear most are not the things that happen. Often times the dangers come from the things that we do not fear, because those are the ones that we are not keeping alert to prevent from happening.

"My handsome brother, Conrad, was the first born of my parents’ three children. He was born May 6, 1942, in Homestead, Pennsylvania and except for one year in the Washington, DC area while he was on WOL Radio (as music director and newscaster from 1969-1970), he spent his life in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He also spent three years in the Army from 1960 to 1963.

"At about age 11 or 12, Conrad decided he wanted to box in the Golden Gloves. My parents were terrified. They knew one young man personally who had a permanent brain injury from boxing. My brother had a mind of his own and boxed for a number of years as an amateur and had a few professional fights in his early 20’s. He lost only one fight which was a decision. My father believed he would have done well as a welterweight boxer, but lost 3 years from the sport when he joined the military at age 18.

"Another danger came as one ended! My brother joined the US Army's 82nd Airborne. Of all things, he was jumping out of airplanes! My mother and I prayed daily for this paratrooper. Years later, my brother shared with me that he could not believe he was jumping out of planes. He had to be young to have done that. He went through a number of years when he would not fly in a commercial jet, because he was afraid of planes after an incident over the Gulf of Mexico. He and other soldiers were returning to Fort Bragg from Panama when one of the plane’s engines went out. My brother was at the door to parachute out, but the other guys stopped him and they all made it back to Fort Bragg on one engine.

"He married and had a family after military service. My family and I were breathing fine when he decided to become a disc jockey, later newscaster and talk show host on the radio. He was so admired by former teachers and classmates that he became something of a Pittsburgh celebrity. Then at age 33 he decided to fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming a law enforcement officer. He was a uniformed Pennsylvania State Police Officer for a number of years and then became an undercover officer. Much to the horror of my family, he spent about 25 years in this job. He was to retire in 2002 due to the required age 60 retirement for the Pennsylvania State Police. Then…

"He said to me one day that he felt something in his chest near his sternum. I told him to immediately see his doctor. He did not at that point, but did see the doctor several months later. A CT Scan of the chest was done. It showed a right lung mass. Being in the cancer field, I was horrified. He had been a cigarette smoker for 44 years. He had escaped so many dangers in life, I just kept believing that he would come out of this also.

"Conrad was admitted to a hospital for biopsy. He had his surgeon phone me to tell me the news since my field was cancer and he wanted me to make any decisions about his care. He had “squamous cell carcinoma” of the lung. There was no doubt that this type of cancer is cigarette related.

"Someone who had survived boxing, parachuting, and bullets as a state trooper now couldn't escape lung cancer. The greatest danger of all was his cigarettes. I had tried to tell him for years to stop smoking, but he just laughed off my fears.

"The American Cancer Society estimated that in 2005 there were more than 175,000 cancer deaths caused by tobacco use. When Conrad began smoking at age 16, death at age 59 ½ was hard for him to imagine.

"I want all the beautiful young people who smoke to know that life is very short, so please do not rush it away. Quit now while you have a chance to change the course of your life. Look for smoking cessation programs or just realize you need to quit for your loved ones who would be devastated by an untimely loss caused by what may also be your greatest danger of all."

IN CLOSING, cancer deaths related to tobacco usage is the second major cause of death in the world with about 5 million people a year meeting their maker. Of the 1.1 billion people who smoke, about half will die prematurely. And there's not much hope for the future: 100,000 young people a day start smoking. By any measure, tobacco-related premature death is at an epidemic proportion. If you are a smoker, quit today! If you don't smoke, help someone who does by encouraging them to quit. We owe it to each other to preserve life where we can.

Note: See www.smokefree.gov for resources to help to quit smoking.

Changes on the Horizon

2007-06-25T10:41:00.000-07:00

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV)

This week I’m writing to inform you about some changes on the horizon for me and my column. First of all, I’ll be taking the next six weeks off from writing Reflections, so my next column won’t be until the second week in August. Hopefully I’ll have some news to report by then about when my book will be available for purchase.

My main reason for taking this time off is to concentrate on working through the details of the publishing process with Xulon Press. In addition, Keen and I are in charge of planning this year’s Van Kirk Family Reunion which will be held in Colorado next month. So I’ll have my hands full.

“They say the two hardest things about doing something is getting started and getting finished.” ~ Anonymous

When I start writing again in August, I plan to implement a few new ideas for creating some diversity with my column. These various ideas will not appear in any specific order. I will simply alternate them to provide more variety to my writing.

The first idea involves interviewing senior citizens (primarily those over 80) and writing about their life stories. I’ve always believed that every life is a story in itself – complete with joys, sorrows and lessons learned – which consequently makes for some fascinating reading. The title of this segment will be: “Every Life a Story.”

The second idea involves periodically publishing a “Dear Abby” type of format titled, “Ask Eileen.” In order to pull that off, however, I will need your help. The basic premise of this feature would be to offer Bible-based answers to everyday problems. So if you have a question you’ve always wondered about, please email it to me at: AskEileen@aol.com, and I'll do my best to research the answer/ solution from the Bible. If I can’t provide an answer, I’ll try to find someone who can. Keep in mind that your questions, along with my response, may be used in a future column. However, you don’t need to include your name. In fact, even if you do include your name, I won’t use it in the column. All in all, I think it sounds kind of fun and I’d like to give it a try. Once again, it will only work if people choose to participate.

My third idea is to have a “Guest Poet” week where I will simply publish a poem by one of my friends such as Patricia Barrett or Connie Hinnen Cook. That will provide me with a built-in break or additional time to work on a future column.

Lastly, I currently have hundreds of topics on a variety of issues for use in future columns. These topic ideas are listed on my computer under the heading, “Reflections in Progress.” Occasionally, I will choose one of the topics to write about. The title I’ve chosen for this segment will be: “Living and Learning.”

My primary goal in all of this is to get away from sharing a weekly play-by-play account of every detail of our life. Even though our life seems to provide a never-ending supply of material to write about and I could most likely continue my current pattern ad nauseam, I just think it’s time for me to branch out into other areas. I mean – enough about us already!

I guess that about wraps it up for this, my shortest column on record. And in the words of the famous Nat King Cole song, I hope you all enjoy these “lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer.”

I’ll catch you on the flip side. In the meantime, keep looking up!

"I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—He who watches over you will not slumber. . . "

~ Psalm 121:1-3

One in a Million Dream

2007-06-18T10:58:00.000-07:00

"I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."

~ Henry David Thoreau

This past weekend Keen and I attended the Symphony in the Flint Hills near Eskridge. It was an incredible experience to be seated in the open prairie with 6,000 people listening to beautiful music while enjoying a breathtaking view of the Flint Hills and a sunset painted by the Creator’s own hand.

On a different subject; recently I was talking with an author who said that he spent five years and tens of thousands of dollars on agents who assured him that he would get his fees back when they located a publisher for his book. The publisher never came, and he ended up self-publishing. He stated that he doesn’t anticipate recouping the money spent; however, the book has opened doors for him with his consulting business. He also gave me the statistics on how difficult it is for new authors to be picked up by one of the big publishing companies, and it is literally one in a million. That’s why he advises other first-time authors to have a primary source of income and not to plan on using their book as a revenue stream. While his advice was discouraging, it was true and helped confirm that I was making the right decision by self-publishing.

Lately my manuscript editor and I have been fine-tuning some of the details of the book before I turn it over to Xulon Press. This week she will be proof-reading it one more time in hopes of catching any grammatical or spelling errors before it goes to press. By next week, I should be ready to send it off to Xulon, and after that we’re looking at 45-60 days before it will be available to the public. At that time, anyone who wants to buy a copy will be able to go to several different web sites to purchase the book – and that will be that.

Although I would have liked to strike a deal with the New York Literary Agency which expressed interest in my book early on, I am satisfied with knowing that I accomplished what I set out to do – even though it took me much longer than I originally anticipated. This version of the book is well documented and tells both sides of the story. It contains letters from lawyers, newspaper articles, minutes of commission meetings, judges'rulings, court transcripts and personal experiences we had along the way which arose from Keen’s decision to express his personal opinions about the actions of the Wabaunsee County Commissioners. As I have shared with you before, the sequel to this book will be the version I am most anxious to share. It will contain word for word excerpts from my personal journals, portraying the behind-the-scenes realities of what it was like for our family to withstand years of conflict culminating in a five-year legal battle.

I’ve always had a dream that there would be a book and a movie about our story, and with the publication of this book, part of that dream will become a reality. I have personally been inspired by so many movies based on real life stories about people who overcame difficult circumstances. Our story conveys such a tale, but only because God’s grace was with us every step of the way. We claim no personal credit for the unexpected events that have arisen from such an unlikely tool as a trashman and his wife. How could we? The only explanation for why or how we survived fifteen years of on-again, off-again conflict with the commissioners is by the grace and goodness and faithfulness of God.

The Bible says that as the Heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than our ways, and His thoughts, than our thoughts. It also says that we should not despise the days of small beginnings. So if God can use a trashman to change the law of the land for private contractors across the nation, then who knows what He can or will do with my simple, self-published book. All I know is that I believe God is still in the miracle-working business and that all things are possible for him who believes.

“. . . [A]s the Scripture says, What eye has not seen, and ear has not heard, and has not entered into the heart of man, all that, God has prepared – made and keeps ready – for those who love Him, that is, for those who hold Him in affectionate reverence, promptly obeying Him and gratefully recognizing the benefits He has bestowed.”

~ I Corinthians 1:9 (Amp)

In closing, I would like to share something that my stepmother emailed me recently. I think it ties in perfectly with the message I am trying to convey.

“When you see God’s hand in everything, it is easy to leave everything in God’s hands.” ~ Anonymous

Hands

A basketball in my hands is worth about $19.00.
A basketball in Michael Jordan's hands is worth about $33 million.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A baseball in my hands is worth about $6.00.
A baseball in Roger Clemens' hands is worth $4.75 million.
It depends on whose hands it's in.

A tennis racket is useless in my hands.
A tennis racket in Andre Agassi's hands is worth millions.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A rod in my hands will keep away an angry dog.
A rod in Moses' hands will part the mighty sea.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A slingshot in my hands is a kid's toy.
A slingshot in David's hand is a mighty weapon.
It depends whose hands it's in.

Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hands is a couple of fish sandwiches.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in Jesus' hands will feed thousands.
It depends whose hands it's in.

Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse.
Nails in Jesus Christ's hands will produce salvation for the entire world.
It depends whose hands it's in.

So put your concerns, your worries, your fears, your hopes, your dreams, your families, and your relationships in God's hands...
Because it depends whose hands it's in.

"Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us."

~ Ephesians 3:20

More Scenes from The Symphony in The Flint Hills

Cause for Celebration

2007-06-13T10:28:00.001-07:00

“A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!”

~ Og Mandino, American Essayist and Psychologist (1923-1996)

My first “cause for celebration” involves a long-awaited progress report on my book. On May 31st, I made the decision to have my book published by a company called Xulon Press. Although I had to pay them, instead of them paying me, at least it will be published and available online for anyone who wants to purchase it. (I will receive a small royalty fee for every book sold.) But the important thing for me is that I accomplished my goal and completed the task I’ve been working on for so many years.

This past weekend, Keen and I had two more reasons to celebrate: our granddaughter Katelyn’s 1st birthday and our 29th anniversary.

The celebration got off to an early start on Friday morning when I received a surprise delivery from Rags to Riches Flowers and Gifts in Alma. The gorgeous bouquet of flowers came with a note from Keen which read: “You are the love of my life.”

“A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.”

~ Paul Sweeney

The note and flowers brought tears to my eyes. You see, Keen has never been one to send flowers for special occasions – at least not on a consistent basis. And there was a time when this caused me a great deal of (needless) frustration. I recall one rather heated argument when I expressed my dismay over this fact by angrily telling Keen: “There are THREE dates you need to remember! I was born on July 3rd; we were married on June 10th, and I’M A MOTHER!!!!!”

One Valentine’s Day while Keen was in law school he stopped by the flower shop on his way home, only to learn (to his horror) that they were completely sold out of flowers. Not wishing to incur my spousal wrath, Keen asked the clerk if she would sign a note stating that he had attempted to buy flowers. But I am happy to report that I’ve matured since then, and have come to realize that it is so much more important to have a husband who treats me well 365 days a year, than to have one who sends me flowers a couple times a year – and then treats me poorly the rest of the time. (For those of you who have both – count your blessings!)

"But love . . . is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day."

~ Nicholas Sparks

I’d like to share the following email my sister Mary sent me after I forwarded a picture of the bouquet and note I received from Keen:

“You are so blessed to be reaffirmed every day! Doesn't it make you feel brave? And now you get to enjoy those beautiful flowers as a reminder of the time, effort and emotion that he put into that gesture. He is a great guy! You both deserve each other. Could you have ever imagined all of this on a warm night in Singapore? I am so happy for you!”

Here is my reply:

“You are such a poet and a gifted writer. Yes, it does make me feel brave, although I’ve never put it in so many words. But I have often said that when Keen and I are in perfect harmony, I can move mountains; but when we’re not, I’m completely stymied and can't accomplish anything. Maybe that's a good thing, huh? And no, I never imagined this on that warm Singapore night in March of '74. But I guess you did, because your first question to me when I returned from our first date was: ‘Do you think he’s someone you could marry?’”

And Mary’s response:

“It makes me happy to know that you feel brave, because it means that you truly feel and appreciate the strength you get from being completely loved, supported and celebrated.”

**************

Since Keen arrived home early on Friday, we decided to drive to Council Grove and take our chances that the Cottage House would have an opening. Sure enough, they had two rooms available, one of which was the Bridal Suite. We were so pleased! As always, we enjoyed our stay, along with a wonderful meal at the Hays House and a peaceful stroll around the historic town. Before we left on Saturday, I also enjoyed a brief visit with my dear friend, Rebecca Miller.

Along the way to Wichita we stopped at several small towns such as Peabody, Marion, Pilsen, and Burdick (population 60).

When we arrived at Josh and Lisa’s lovely new home, we were greeted by the birthday girl, her parents, and maternal grandparents, Gary and Linda Kaus.

It was such a treat to watch Katelyn open her presents and demolish her lady bug birthday cake (homemade by Mommy).

Not surprisingly, Katelyn seemed to enjoy the wrapping paper, ribbons and boxes more than the actual gifts!

Katelyn with Grandma and Grandpa Kaus and....

...Grandma and Grandpa Umbehr

After the party, we all went for a leisurely walk and enjoyed seeing the beautiful homes in the nearby College Hill neighborhood.

That evening, Keen and I took our chances once again, and were blessed to find another beautiful suite open at the famous hotel in the Old Town district of Wichita. The 100-year-old landmark was originally the home of the Morton-Simmons Warehouse, distributor of Keen Kutter tools, whose company slogan was, “The Recollection of Quality Remains Long after the Price is Forgotten.” The historic building was given new life in 1998 when entrepreneur Jack DeBoer began what would become an 11-million-dollar renovation project. The result is a luxurious 115-room hotel simply named: The Hotel at Old Town. I highly recommend it for anyone wishing to commemorate a special event. (www.hotelatoldtown.com)

During our drive home, my husband of 29 years topped off our weekend by taking my hand, and with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye, saying: “I love you so much. I’m just crazy about you.”

I ask: What more could a white-haired, breast-less, soon-to-be 49-year old woman possibly want?

“Love is like a mustard seed; planted by God and watered by men.”

~ Muda Saint Michael

Catching Up

2007-06-11T21:24:00.000-07:00

“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.” ~ Ogden Nash

So much has happened lately that I should have titled this column: “Catching my breath!” At any rate, it would probably take me a month’s worth of columns to go into detail on the “current events” of our lives, but in the interest of brevity, I’ve decided to come up with a condensed version.

The excitement started off with a welcome visit from Jared, Erin, Asher, Gabe and little Emma. We had a wonderful reunion with everyone in one place for the first time in almost two years.

Proud Daddy and Uncle Jared holding Emma & Katelyn after the girl cousins meet for the first time.

Josh’s good friend Travis, and Kirk’s girlfriend, Claudia,took turns with the camera in an attempt to capture one photograph of our entire family for this year’s Christmas card.

Kirk & Claudia

In spite of taking dozens of pictures, there was something amiss with almost every single one. For example, Jared lifted Asher and Gabe up on his shoulders, and in several shots, you couldn’t even see Jared; it was like the boys were just suspended in mid-air.

Then Keener’s dog Art and Travis’ dog Ollie added some excitement as well as they attempted to wiggle free.

Of course we had the proverbial crying baby shots.

"I'm tired of family pictures, Grandpa!"

And no family picture-taking session would be complete without somebody giving somebody else bunny ears!

Two weekends ago we enjoyed the double celebration of Kirk’s graduation from Manhattan High School and Josh’s graduation from the University of Kansas Medical School. Keen’s entire family (including our 3-month-old great niece, Melanie Jean) all came up from Texas to help us celebrate both events. It was our first gathering since Keen’s father passed away, and we really felt his absence.

On Friday, we hosted a barbecue with friends and family to celebrate Kirk’s graduation. We had a nice crowd, including Kirk’s former babysitter, Janie Barnes, and several of his Alma friends, making the evening extra special (and nostalgic).

The next day Josh and Lisa treated the entire family to a wonderful meal down on the Plaza. Afterwards we went to their apartment for cookies and iced tea before leaving for the graduation and hooding ceremony. When they announced, “Dr. Joshua Jim Umbehr”, Keener expressed his pride and enthusiasm by shouting: “That’s my brother!” At which time Josh turned to the audience and said, “And that’s my brother.” It was an amazing day commemorating an amazing accomplishment, and no one cried more than Grandma Umbehr.

“I just wish Jim could have been here,” she said.

The weather was exceptionally beautiful all weekend, which was a real blessing. On Sunday, we all headed to Bramlage Coliseum for Kirk’s graduation.

Watching our “baby” graduate somehow made me feel like I was graduating, too. Oh, I know we never really “graduate” from being mothers. But there is a definite change in our role after our children turn eighteen and graduate from high school. It just felt like a very significant day for me, too, considering the fact that I’ve spent the majority of my life being a stay-at-home mom.

On May 22nd, Emma Eileen celebrated her own little milestone when she turned the "Big 01!" She is growing up so fast. From the pictures they sent of her birthday party, it looks like she’s gotten bigger just since we saw her.

On May 24th, our son Keen II underwent surgery at Mercy Health Center to remove his enlarged tonsils. Typically, tonsils are removed in childhood, but Keener never really had any problems with chronic sore throats when he was young. Then in his late teens and early 20’s, he had several episodes of strep throat, which caused the doctors to advise him to have the tonsils removed. Dr. Barlow in Manhattan confirmed the diagnosis, so surgery was scheduled between the end of Keen’s regular classes at K-State and the beginning of his summer classes. (By the end of this summer, he will have taken 53 credit hours in one year.) When the nurse was escorting me back to Keener’s room after his surgery, she said, “I had my tonsils removed two years ago, and I would never do it again!” That gave me an idea of the amount and severity of pain Keen would be in for, and sure enough, she was right. After the 10th day Keen said he was just “sick of being sick.” But thank God, he came through it pretty well, with only a slight complication when the doctor had to go back and cauterize the wound to prevent bleeding. (The definition of cauterize is to burn tissue to stop bleeding: to seal a wound, or destroy abnormal or infected tissue, with a heated instrument, a laser, an electric current, or a caustic substance. In Keen’s case, they used a caustic substance. Ouch!)

Keener before and after surgery

On a lighter note, this Thursday, June 7th, Katelyn Seraphina will be celebrating her 1st birthday. It’s so hard to believe.

We’ll be traveling to Wichita this weekend for her birthday party which will be held in their new house. (Josh will be doing his three-year residency at Wesley Medical Center.)

So I think that brings us all up to date. The next big event in our lives will be the celebration of our 29th wedding anniversary on June 10th. Since we’ll already be in Wichita for Katelyn’s birthday, we’ll probably break tradition and stay in a hotel down there. (We almost always go to the Cottage House in Council Grove.) I’ll fill you in on most of the details next week! :)

“When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses.” ~Joyce Brothers

Setting Sail

2007-06-11T18:25:00.000-07:00

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than the things you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.” ~ Mark Twain

This weekend two of our four sons will be celebrating major milestones and setting sail on two adventurous life journeys. Our second son, Joshua Jim, will be graduating from medical school, and our youngest son, Kirk Van, will be graduating from high school. We are so proud of their accomplishments, as any parents would be, and our hearts overflow with hopes and prayers for their continued success.

Several years ago, Michael Ryan from the Topeka Capital-Journal editorial board wrote an inspiring message for graduates which he permitted me to share. He wrote in part about the pursuit of happiness:

“The late Dr. Viktor Frankl, a concentration camp survivor and world-renowned psychiatrist, suggested that . . . you [should] pursue the types of things that bring lasting happiness, and then just let it ensue.

What are those things? Well, one is simply to give yourself over to a cause that transcends yourself. It is one of life's most intriguing ironies that the happiest people in the world seem to be those who think about themselves the least.

Another route to happiness is simply doing the right thing. They may not have made this point as clear as you'd like in school, either: Doing the right thing will be the most difficult thing you ever do.

It sounds bizarre, doesn't it? You would think that doing the right thing would come easily. But it's the hardest thing of all. It means self-sacrifice -- perhaps even giving up your life for someone else. It means eschewing self-gratification -- and that never feels good.
Perhaps more surprisingly, doing the right thing means standing up to an occasional storm of criticism. Oddly enough, often it follows that doing the right thing will make you controversial, even hated. Standing up for the right thing often puts you in the way of what others want. And they will do whatever it takes to move you aside.

How do you know what is right? We most often do, although we like to fool ourselves into thinking we don't. And at those times you really don't know, you take your best shot based upon what you believe. And you hope for the best.

Hope for the best. Now, isn't that what graduation is all about?”

******************
In his book titled Simple Truths, author Kent Nerburn encourages the reader to think of work as a vocation, which comes from the Latin word for calling – something that calls to you, that gives voice to who you are and what you want to say in the world. He suggests that we should really consider the job we do and see if it is how we want to spend our time. “If it is not,” he writes, “your job will become your prison rather than the vehicle of your dreams. And a person without dreams is only half alive. . . .Find what it is that burns in your heart and do it. Choose a vocation, not a job, and your life will have meaning and your days will have peace.”

******************

When I contacted the author of this next poem about permission to republish, she wrote: “How very sweet of you to honor my work in this way. Yes, of course you may print it, and I hope it is a source of comfort to those whom it will reach.”

Sandra Sturtz Hauss wrote this poem in 1982 for her son, but I believe every parent will relate to the sentiments she shares. I know it definitely captured the essence of my heart’s desire for my children.

My Wishes For You
By Sandra Sturtz Hauss

May you find serenity and tranquility
in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known
and the conflict you have experienced
give you the strength to walk through life
facing each new situation with courage and optimism.

Always know that there are those
whose love and understanding will always be there,
even when you feel most alone.

May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile
be yours every day of your life,
and may you give these gifts
as well as receive them.

May the teachings of those you admire
become part of you,
so that you may call upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched
and who have touched yours
are always a part of you,
even if the encounters were less than you would have wished.
It is the content of the encounter
that is more important than its form.

May you not become too concerned with material matters,
but instead place immeasurable value
on the goodness in your heart.
Find time in each day to see beauty and love
in the world around you.

Realize that what you feel you lack in one regard
you may be more than compensated for in another.
What you feel you lack in the present
may become one of your strengths in the future.
May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility.
Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength
to determine your own worth by yourself,
and not be dependent on
another's judgment of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.

************

Finally, this is a poem I wrote four years ago when Josh was getting ready to graduate from Kansas State University in May, get married to Lisa Marie Kaus in July, and enter medical school at the University of Kansas in August.

Just Yesterday
By Eileen Umbehr

Our second-born son just turned twenty-two
Could that be possible? Could that be true?

Didn’t he just, learn how to walk?
Didn’t he just, learn how to talk?
Wasn’t he just in his pre-school play?

Wasn’t that just yesterday?

Didn’t he just, lose his front tooth?
Didn’t he just make friends, with Travis Guth?
Didn’t he just celebrate his 8th birthday?

Wasn’t that just yesterday?

Didn’t he just learn how to ride a bike?
Didn’t his dad and brothers just build their own kite?
Didn’t he just get his license last May?

Wasn’t that just yesterday?

Now he’s graduating from college and off to med school
And in July he’ll marry his precious jewel

Didn’t we just bring him home from the hospital that day?

Wasn’t that just yesterday?

Congratulations and God’s blessings to Josh, Kirk, and all the area graduates and their parents!

Eileen with Josh (age 6 months)

Eileen with Kirk (age 10 months)

On Motherhood

2007-05-06T08:24:00.000-07:00

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.” ~ Proverbs 15:1-2

When I told Keen that I wrote about my problem with anger last week, you might have expected him to say something like: “Well it’s about time you got honest about that!” Or, “Good – I’ve been trying to tell you to get help for years!” But nope. My one-in-a-million, God-broke-the-mold-after-He-made-him husband simply replied: “Bigger diamonds take more polishing.”

“Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” ~ Hebrews 12:11

Last week I also shared about how I once aspired to become a witch. But I distinctly remember dreaming about becoming a wife and mother, too. One would imagine that those goals were utterly incompatible; but I submit that my “witchy” side served me quite well as the outnumbered mother of four sons (and one big kid)! In fact, I seriously doubt whether I would have survived the experience without it! (It was them or me!)

On a serious note, May 7th marked the 18th anniversary of my own mother’s death from breast cancer. My mom raised nine children and suffered two miscarriages. She was a registered nurse. She was a loving mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend. If ever there was a saint, it was my mom. But even saints aren’t perfect, and my mom was no exception. She lost her temper, too – and understandably so. (I don’t know many mothers who haven’t. Calgon, take me away.)

The Van Kirk Family on Easter morning (before child #9 - Bob - was born).

Many years ago, when my brother Joe called to tell us that Mom may not live to see another Christmas, I faced my biggest fear. What would happen if Mom passed away without ever knowing how much I loved her? I sobbed and sobbed at the thought, yet for some reason, saying the words, “I love you,” didn’t come easily for me. Keen encouraged me to find a way to tell her how I felt, lest I be forced to live with unbearable regret.

So one day I got up the courage to call my mom on the telephone. Her voice was weak; mine was shaking. “Mom?” “Yes, honey?” “Mom, I’m not saying you’re going to die, but if you ever did die and I never told you how much I love you, I just couldn’t live with myself.” “Oh, thank you dear,” Mom replied. “I love you, too.” “And Mom? I just want you to know that I only have good feelings and memories of my childhood. Being a mother myself now, I understand how difficult parenting can be and how easy it is to lose patience. But I only have the highest feelings of respect and admiration in my heart for you, Mom.” In a choked up voice, she softly replied: “That means more to me than you’ll ever know, Eileen.”

The peace that came over me after that conversation is indescribable. My mom – the one who carried me in her womb, took care of me when I was sick, and loved me in spite of my “icky” disposition – knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I loved and appreciated her more than words could say. She did not go to her grave without knowing that.

She Loved Us Well
By Eileen Umbehr

Before my mother passed away
Eighteen years ago, on the 7th of May
I told her that I understood
She loved us well, did the best she could

I did not want her, to feel upset
In her last days, have one regret
She was the best mom, without a doubt
She knew what motherhood, was all about

Our holidays were always special
Easter baskets and Christmas stockings always full
And on our birthdays, we were kings and queens
With ice cream and cake, and our favorite cuisine

We were all taught, right from wrong
And faith in God, made our family strong
Kisses and hugs, were freely given
Tears were dried, offenses forgiven

I remember a time, when she assigned me a chore
I did not want to do; thought it was a bore
My mother sat beside me, on the stairs
And talked with me quietly, about life’s cares

“Along life’s way, oh daughter of mine,
There will be difficulties, you will find
I wish I could tell you, that all will be merry
But the truth is that life, is not a bowl full of cherries.”

The softness of her speech, and her gentle way
Made such an impression, on me that day
That’s why I should remember, speak in softer tones
For nothing is accomplished, when we throw stones

Later on in my life, as a struggling mother
Problems seemed to follow, one after another
Mom said don’t be afraid, to ask for help
It’s so much better, than trying to do it by yourself.”

I guess I could go on, about the lessons I have learned
From a mother who always gave, seeking nothing in return
I only hope my kids will say, when my life on earth is through:
“She loved us well and did the very best that she could do.”

Mom Eileen with four sons - from left to right, Kirk Van, Keen Alfred II, Jared Joseph, and Joshua Jim

D-ANGER

2007-04-30T13:14:00.000-07:00

“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”

~ James 1:19-21

I think I came out of the womb kicking and screaming, eventually earning quite the reputation for my temper tantrums. My siblings have said that my tantrums became so commonplace that they just learned to ignore me. I can still remember one time when I was about five years old and I was kicking and screaming at the top my lungs. My grandmother (whom we called Nanny) stood in the doorway of the room and kept saying, “Oh, look at the big phony - she doesn’t even have any tears. What a phony baloney!” Of course that just made me even angrier, and so I screamed even louder.

“As a rule, anything that is either shouted or whispered isn’t worth listening to.”

~Frederick Langbridge

My Mom said that she couldn’t get a baby picture of me because I screamed blue bloody murder the day she took me to the studio. She finally got a professional photo of me, but even then I had a furrowed brow and a scowl on my face.

When I was about six months old, I began refusing a bottle. I didn’t want anything to do with anybody – I just wanted to do it myself! (An apparent case of early-onset terrible twos.) Then when I was about nine or ten years old, I told my family that I wanted to grow up to become a witch and rock in a rocking chair on a mountaintop until I died. (Lovely, isn’t it?) My morbid vision of the future earned me the nickname “Icky-Poo,” or “Ick” for short. (My dad still calls me that to this day.)

Although I am still a private person who not only enjoys time alone, but actually needs it, I no longer maintain my former negative, gloomy outlook on life. In fact, quite the opposite! (Can anyone say Pollyanna?)

In all seriousness, I attribute the dramatic change in my attitude to the transforming power of God’s love. When I was 14 years old, I attended a David Wilkerson crusade (author of “The Cross and the Switchblade”) and heard the Gospel explained in a way that I had never understood before. I used to think that I had to be good enough to get into Heaven, a thought which had tormented me with fear.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast.”

~ Ephesians 2:8-9

Before that I would literally lie awake at night and think about how eternity went on and on and on and never ended. So when I heard the good news that Jesus died for the sins of all humankind, I jumped at the chance to have the peace of knowing that even though I could never be good enough to earn my way to Heaven, through God’s free gift of salvation, I could be completely forgiven and made whiter than snow, with the assurance of spending all eternity with Him. This revelation gave me ample reasons to rejoice and shed my cynical attitude. Now all I want to do is share God’s love with every person I meet.

“Know that a man is not justified by observing the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by observing the law, because by observing the law no one will be justified. For if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”

~ Galatians 2:16, 21b

Nonetheless, I must admit that my former rageaholic tendencies still surface more often than they should.

“But no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.”

~ James 3:8-10

But like most of us, I am a work in progress, and thank God, He is patient with me.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”

~ Lamentations 3:22,23

In Lisa Bevere’s book, “Be Angry, But Don’t Blow It,” she talks about how she tried to blame her temper on her upbringing, her husband, her kids, her ethnic background, her hormones, or the fact that her parents were divorced and her father had a drinking problem. But one day she realized that she had no one to blame but herself, and she finally acknowledged her weakness and took ownership of her own destructive choices. She said it was then that she received the much-needed help that God was willing to offer all along. (As Dr. Phil always says: You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.)

“I have learned that once you get angry, you have only two options: stay angry or get over it; no one can make me angry without my permission.”

Anonymous

************

NAIL IN THE FENCE
Author Unknown

There once was a little girl who had a bad temper. Her mother gave her a bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. She discovered it was easier to hold her temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the girl didn't lose her temper at all.

She told her mother about it and the mother suggested that the girl now pull out one nail for each day that she was able to hold her temper. The days passed and the young girl was finally able to tell her mother that all the nails were gone.

The mother took her daughter by the hand and led her to the fence. She said, "You have done well, my daughter, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one."

**********

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

~ Ambrose Bierce, journalist, satirist (1842-1914)

“Good sense makes a man restrain his anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression or an offense.”

~ Proverbs 19:11

Hearing and Heeding ~ Part III (A Collage)

2007-04-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

“For to draw near to hear and obey is better than to give the sacrifice of fools [carelessly, irreverently]. . . .” ~ Ecclesiastes 5:1 (Amp)

“To know the will of God is the greatest knowledge, to find the will of God is the greatest discovery, and to do the will of God is the greatest achievement.” ~Author Unknown

“Whoever strives to withdraw from obedience, withdraws from grace.” ~ Thomas à Kempis

“Be still, and in the quiet moments, listen to the voice of your heavenly Father. His words can renew your spirit. No one knows you and your needs like He does.” ~ Janet L. Weaver

“The trouble with nearly everybody who prays is that they say ‘Amen’ and run away before God has a chance to reply. Listening to God is far more important than giving Him your ideas.” ~ Frank Laubach

(This next story reminds me of a comment Keen’s sister Kihm made after returning from a recent trip to New York: “You can see the birds, you just can’t hear them.”)

The Cricket
Author Unknown

A Native American and his friend were in downtown New York City, walking near Times Square in Manhattan. It was during the lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns, taxicabs were squealing around corners and sirens were wailing; the sounds of the city were almost deafening. Suddenly, the Native American said, "I hear a cricket."

His friend said, "What? You must be crazy. You couldn't possibly hear a cricket in all of this noise!"

"No, I'm sure of it," the Native American said, "I heard a cricket."

The Native American listened carefully for a moment, and then walked across the street to a big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located a small cricket.

His friend was utterly amazed. "That's incredible – you must have superhuman ears!"

"No," said the Native American. "My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you're listening for."

"But that can't be!" said the friend. "I could never hear a cricket in this noise."

"Yes, it's true," came the reply. "It depends on what is really important to you. Here, let me show you."

He reached into his pocket, pulled out a few coins, and discreetly dropped them on the sidewalk. And then, with the noise of the crowded street still blaring in their ears, they noticed every head within twenty feet turn and look to see if the money that tinkled on the pavement was theirs.

"See what I mean?"

************

“The voices of the world are loud and sparse, but the voice of God is a constant whisper.”~ Benjamin J. Elger

“The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.” ~George Elliot

“And beloved, if our consciences (our hearts) do not accuse us – if they do not make us feel guilty and condemn us – we have confidence (complete assurance and boldness) before God.” ~ I John 3:21 (Amp)
“And it is the (Holy) Spirit Who bears witness, because the (Holy) Spirit is the Truth.” ~ I John 5:7

“Why do you call Me Lord, Lord and do not practice what I tell you? For every one who comes to Me and listens to My words (in order to heed their teaching) and does them, I will show you what he is like; He is like a man building a house, who dug and went down deep, and laid a foundation upon the rock; and when a flood arose, the torrent broke against that house and could not shake or move it, because it had been securely built – founded on a rock.” ~ Luke 6:46-48

“Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart.” ~ Psalm. 51:6

“For whatever does not originate and proceed from faith is sin – that is, whatever is done without a conviction of its approval by God is sinful.” ~ Romans 14:23b

“I am the good Shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own. . . My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me . . . .” ~ John 10:14, 27 (NKJV)

“At the command of the Lord they remained encamped, and at [His] command they journeyed; they kept the charge of the Lord, at the command of the Lord by Moses.” ~ Numbers 9:23

“It is a vain thought to flee from the work that God appoints us, for the sake of finding a greater blessing, instead of seeking it where alone it is to be found - in loving obedience.” ~ George Eliot

Listening To God
By Connie Campbell Bratcher (used by permission)

Sometimes we talk too much
To hear what God would say.
Other times we're preoccupied
With activities of the day.
Oh, how we need to just be quiet,
And listen with our hearts
To what the Holy Spirit speaks-
The truth that He imparts.
He speaks to us through nature,
Where we see His mighty hand.
He speaks through our circumstances,
And through our fellowman.
Through a still small voice within,
We hear what He would say,
As we look to Him for guidance,
Along our pilgrim way.
But, we need to always examine
That which we have heard,
Making sure it's in accordance
With His Holy Written Word-
For God never directs contrary
To what is written there.
The law He gave so long ago
Still applies to all everywhere.
Father, thank You that as we listen,
Your Spirit leads us right,
Impressing the message on our Hearts
That's written in black and white.

Connie Campbell Bratcher

"This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then shalt thou have good success." ~ Joshua 1:8
Many thanks to Connie Bratcher for permission to share her poem. You may read more of Connie’s poems at http://www.inspirationalpoetry.com.

“…and after the fire [a sound of gentle stillness and] a still, small voice.” ~ I Kings 19:12